Dealing w/work (telling, leave, etc.)

[simpsongal]

rbp how did it go?

I'm particularly curious b/c I just chatted with my boss about invoking FMLA.  We're busy and just had another coworker come back from maternity leave this week - but there's a start up curve and it will take her time to get in the groove.  So I'm sensing my boss is bummed about me leaving.  Despite being friends, my boss also tends to get very formal when it comes to "official discussions" (e.g., pay and leave).  Some of my CWs are swamped and I feel bad that I can't be very helpful.

How have your work experiences and interactions been in this regard?

[robyn]

I'm going to be telling work after my 13 week appointment on January 23, and I'm pretty freaked out. I work as a paralegal at a small law firm. As far as I know, no one has ever been pregnant while working here so there isn't a policy or anything. No HR either, obviously.  My boss knows it's something that will probably happen because I worked with them for almost a year to get some short term disability in place. But I know he's not going to like it. He's going to want me to figure out who will do my work while I'm gone, and I know he is going to struggle with respecting the boundaries of me being on maternity leave. He's a nice guy and a good boss, but his wife stays home and handles all the kid stuff, and so does the other attorney's. Plus he's super co-dependent. He doesn't even like me to call in sick. I'm hoping to take 10-12 weeks. My short term disability will pay 6 or 8 weeks at 60% of my gross with a week un-paid as an exclusion period. I know there's no way I can go back at 6 weeks, so I'll be taking at least half my leave unpaid which is stressful. But I think it'll be worth it. Telling work and dealing with work is probably the thing I'm looking forward to the least! Good luck rbp.

[narockshard]

Well so far I have just told the guys I work for that I'm pregnant (small family owned business run by 2 brothers and I'm the only other employee). I plan on taking the full 12 weeks for maternity leave and using all my vacation and sick time up to get paid, which probably will end up being around 5-6 weeks paid. Thankfully we can get by on just my husband's income, so I'm not too worried about that. I also plan on telling them 2 or 3 months before I'm due what my plan after maternity leave is. Ideally I'd like to continue to work there part time, 2 1/2 or 3 days a week, but I have no idea what to do about childcare. I know my mom can watch the baby 1 day a week, so I'll have to figure out something for the other 2 days. And I also am not sure if the guys will let me be part time. If I can't, I'll just find another part time job or stay at home full time. Since we can get by on my husband's income alone I'm not TOO terribly worried about it, which is a blessing, but it's still nice to have the extra money so things aren't as tight.

[sunshine608]

I ended up telling work at 10 weeks b/c I was so sick and "people were worried". I was worried because I was in line for a promotion effective 12/1 and was in the process of hiring a new person. Mine went better than expected probably because I'm due mid- May( after the end of the semester), in fact my VP told me it was "perfect timing". Also, the new person has started and I can now have them fully trained by the time I'm out.

I haven't discussed official leave and I have no clue when to begin because it seems like that won't be decided until late in the game anyway ( if I need a c/s or something). I'd like to come back Early to Mid-July depending on when I go out, but have that be about 10-12 weeks. I do want to be back before Fall semester.

As far as leave, I'm trying to stack up vacation and leave time but between sickness, doc appointments, and personal days for stuff (house closing, homestead exemption drama) since H is away is difficult. I think I'll have at least 4 weeks fully paid and the rest at 60% on STD.

I don't have a ticker but i'm currently 22 weeks.

ETA: The funny thing is, had I not gotten this promotion, I probably would have transitioned to SAHM. I'm curious to see where I end up one the little guy is here. 

[pinotgrig]

I told around 13 weeks and work was way more supportive than I was expecting. It was really great and such a relief. I've not worked out leave details yet, but plan on asking for 12 and coming back anytime after 8-10 weeks, if I'm medically ok.

rbp - I wouldn't take your H's pov. I took the opposite, actually. It sounds like you have loads of room to lay out what you want and negotiate from there. Do you have any other colleagues at other institutions who could share similar experiences/policies?

[helgamelga]

rbp  I'm not pregnant now, but I've had 2 kids while on the TT.  One thing you might look into (if you haven't yet) is stopping your clock for a year. Feel free to PM me if you have questions.  (I can delete this if you want).

[pixiedust]

I told my boss around 13 weeks, but we haven't really talked about it since...I need to get on this. Small company, so no formal policy/HR/not sure if there's ever been another pg, certainly not in the last few years.

[simpsongal]

It's good to hear other ladies' experiences. I think one of the toughest things is negotiating and securing all this stuff before you actually have the baby. I could be eager to get into the office at 12 weeks, or I might be a wreck and desperate for more time. It's such a personal, and probably baby-specific situation.

I really wish other women wouldn't brag or seek to punish others (or whatever) by stating how hard they had it. Or how little leave they took. I don't know, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I'm not particularly thankful for 12 weeks of FMLA (I'm taking sick leave and vacay to cover) because the US maternity policies are completely backwards and behind other industrialized countries. Filling out the paperwork "invoking my right to FMLA" just ticked me off about the whole thing.

ETA: Obviously FMLA is better than nothing and my heart goes out to those employed by non-FMLA places. 

[vaportrail]

I was a poor planner and got pg after only being at this job for about a month. I told my boss at 12 weeks and he was super cool about it. I don't qualify for FMLA, but since Oregon is AWESOME, they have their own FMLA law that says you just have to be at your job for 6 months instead of a year. So that has saved my ass.

[SJ]

Everything is crazy right now. I told my boss around 10 weeks (I think?) and she was wonderful. Super excited and thrilled. She is more of a "fly by the seat of your pants" person (I am not) and doesn't want to talk details yet. She said that I can wait and see how I feel when the baby comes (not true) and that I don't have to worry about finding childcare yet (also not true). I think I have made it clear that quitting/SAH is not at all on the table. I am hoping to do a gradual return from ML (4-6 weeks at home, 4-6 weeks 2 days/week, etc. and maybe even semi-permanently working 3-4 days in the office)

BUT we work in a very small firm and my assistant is also pregnant but has not told the boss yet. She is due 4 weeks after me, and this is insanely stressful. I can't talk or plan with my boss yet because she doesn't know the other girl is pregnant. The office cannot function with both of us gone for more than 2 weeks, so I will probably suggest hiring a temp. But it's all a big waiting game that is making me crazy.

[hokiegirl82]

I am a legal admin in a mid-sized law firm, and I told the partner I work for when I was only 5 weeks. We have a great working relationship and I was going to wait to tell him, but I was having so much trouble at that time being tired, I wanted to let him know what was up. I told the other attorney I work around 8 weeks. I told our office manager around 13 weeks after our NT scan. The reaction from everyone has been pretty good - congrats all around, etc. A lot of admins have been pregnant where I work so it's not a big deal.

It is going to be a cluster fuck trying to find other admins to cover the attorneys I support while I'm out, mainly because they are both high-producers work wise and not a lot of admins here can handle the amount of work I do. I am due June 12, and would like to take a full 11-12 weeks off. I think 6 of FMLA are 100% covered, then I'll use any PTO I have accrued (which probably won't be any since I'm in the negatives from taking 2 months off over the past 18 months for 2 bunion surgeries). So I'm looking at 4-6 weeks of unpaid. The first 2 weeks will be PTO unpaid, then the next 6 weeks 100% paid through FMLA (or I think it's 8 weeks for a c-section), then I would have a few more weeks unpaid. I'm going to talk to H about this unpaid stuff and see if we could work it into the budget. I would love to be off for the entire summer from birth until Labor Day, but I'll go back after 8-9 weeks if absolutely necessary.

[chickadee77]

I started my job at the beginning of December, and am currently a bit over 16 weeks. I'm meeting with HR this afternoon to ask about maternity leave (I won't qualify for FMLA) and how that will affect benefits, etc., and will be telling my boss tomorrow. I don't know if I'm doing this in the right order, though... Any input?

[simpsongal]

Jan 14, 2014 12:32:26 GMT -5 chickadee77 said:

I started my job at the beginning of December, and am currently a bit over 16 weeks. I'm meeting with HR this afternoon to ask about maternity leave (I won't qualify for FMLA) and how that will affect benefits, etc., and will be telling my boss tomorrow. I don't know if I'm doing this in the right order, though... Any input?

I think you could tell HR or your boss first.  I suspect you'll get bad news from HR, as they'll tell you the state of your rights (which is probably the worst care scenario).  Your boss is probably more likely to be flexible and let you take some amount of leave.  Good luck!  DH is in a similar position.  He would normally get 2 weeks, but he's been there less than a year - so they're giving him 1 week and he's taking vacation for the second.

[chickadee77]

Jan 14, 2014 12:42:41 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

Jan 14, 2014 12:32:26 GMT -5 chickadee77 said:

I started my job at the beginning of December, and am currently a bit over 16 weeks. I'm meeting with HR this afternoon to ask about maternity leave (I won't qualify for FMLA) and how that will affect benefits, etc., and will be telling my boss tomorrow. I don't know if I'm doing this in the right order, though... Any input?

I think you could tell HR or your boss first.  I suspect you'll get bad news from HR, as they'll tell you the state of your rights (which is probably the worst care scenario).  Your boss is probably more likely to be flexible and let you take some amount of leave.  Good luck!  DH is in a similar position.  He would normally get 2 weeks, but he's been there less than a year - so they're giving him 1 week and he's taking vacation for the second.

Thankfully, there is a policy written in that gives new birth and adoptive parents up to six months unpaid leave. I haven't been able to find if I have to be here a certain amount of time before that kicks in, though. I hope not, but we'll see!

[rbp]

(hug)SJ (hug2) That sounds really stressful!

[rbp]

Jan 14, 2014 10:27:03 GMT -5 pinotgrig said:

I told around 13 weeks and work was way more supportive than I was expecting. It was really great and such a relief. I've not worked out leave details yet, but plan on asking for 12 and coming back anytime after 8-10 weeks, if I'm medically ok.

rbp - I wouldn't take your H's pov. I took the opposite, actually. It sounds like you have loads of room to lay out what you want and negotiate from there. Do you have any other colleagues at other institutions who could share similar experiences/policies?

I have so few female friends in academics. I am going to look up faculty handbooks for peer institutions and see if any of them are more specific on the topic of maternity leave. 

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I am going to go into the meeting with the attitude that they are on my side and want to figure out what's best for both me and the college. 

[rbp]

Jan 14, 2014 10:29:37 GMT -5 helgamelga said:

rbp  I'm not pregnant now, but I've had 2 kids while on the TT.  One thing you might look into (if you haven't yet) is stopping your clock for a year. Feel free to PM me if you have questions.  (I can delete this if you want).

I am very thankful that my college recently instituted a policy that the tenure clock is automatically paused for a year when you give birth. So, thank goodness for that! 

Do you mind sharing (here or by PM) what kind of leave you took?

[helgamelga]

Jan 14, 2014 13:57:35 GMT -5 rbp said:

Jan 14, 2014 10:29:37 GMT -5 helgamelga said:

rbp  I'm not pregnant now, but I've had 2 kids while on the TT.  One thing you might look into (if you haven't yet) is stopping your clock for a year. Feel free to PM me if you have questions.  (I can delete this if you want).

I am very thankful that my college recently instituted a policy that the tenure clock is automatically paused for a year when you give birth. So, thank goodness for that! 

Do you mind sharing (here or by PM) what kind of leave you took?

My institution lets us take 1 semester off of teaching without actually taking FMLA so I received full pay the semester I was off.  Technically I was supposed to keep up with admin/service/grad students and everything else during that time off, but it's up to the individual how much you actually want to keep up with.  My department is pretty relaxed, so there wasn't much pressure to keep up with things.  With both of them I was off the spring semester, and that rolled into the summer.  I ended up going back part-time (to do the aforementioned non-teaching duties) at about 8 weeks with my first and at 12 weeks with my 2nd.  I continued part-time through the summer with both (I'm on a 9 month contract).  With my first I just did research during the summer and with my 2nd I taught 1 summer class and did research.  Then, I was back at full time in August for the beginning of the Fall semester.  This worked out really well for me, I don't think I could have had kids in this job without having the full semester off.

[rbp]

helgamelga That is really helpful, thank you so much!

[helgamelga]

rbp You're welcome! Feel free to PM me with any other questions you may have. I've been very fortunate with the leave I have at my university and I hope that other women in academia can have similar opportunities for leave.

[changedname]

Guys, I'm reading this and I'm sorry you all have to go through this stress while pregnant. I never really realized how lucky I have it in Canada. By law the company has to give me 52 weeks off (unpaid but I get 55% of my salary for 50 weeks from SS (max salary of 47K)). They have to give me a job at the end of the year with an equivalent position and same salary.

It really isn't fair that you have to negotiate with your boss for a mat leave, there should be some kind of standard that they have to give you.

[kershnic]

While I hate that leave is so short in the US, I do appreciate that my work at least has a clear policy. I'll take 13 week leave and will be paid for accrued vacation/sick time for about 9 of those weeks. 4 Weeks unpaid is going to suck, but at least we've prepared for it. I would love to quit my job, but we can't really afford it...and the idea of actually pulling that trigger is scary.

[bananapancakes]

Jan 14, 2014 16:12:48 GMT -5 changedname said:

Guys, I'm reading this and I'm sorry you all have to go through this stress while pregnant. I never really realized how lucky I have it in Canada. By law the company has to give me 52 weeks off (unpaid but I get 55% of my salary for 50 weeks from SS (max salary of 47K)). They have to give me a job at the end of the year with an equivalent position and same salary.

It really isn't fair that you have to negotiate with your boss for a mat leave, there should be some kind of standard that they have to give you.

Ditto this! We are so fortunate. Thanks to my teacher's union, I will also be paid 100% of my salary for the first 8 weeks and then I'll claim EI ($501/week) for the remaining 44 weeks.