selfishly bummed- inlaws on vacation

[biblionerd]

Just a vent I guess- So my family has become pretty much useless with the kids, which is sad. They used to be so involved with them, come over all of the time to visit, would babysit, and the kids loved them. They've basically just dropped off the face of the earth, even though they live 1/2 hr away and my mom works 5 minutes away. So aside from the occasional drop by when Ruby is born I'm expecting nothing from them. My mom just texted me and thought my c/s was a freaking week later than it is. 

Anyhow, DH's parents are great. They've been super involved since the kids were born, even when we lived 50 minutes away. We moved closer to them and they love watching the kids. I can definitely leave for the day and not worry about them. When Ruby is born DH gets a 3 week sabbatical, which is awesome. We found out last month that they are leaving to visit their new florida vacation house the day DH goes back to work. I was bummed, but whatever. I figured it was one of their normal 2 week vacations. Today I found out that they are leaving for SIX weeks. They were just gone for 6 weeks in september. They are spending sooooo much time and money on this house that they totally impulse bought. I want them to enjoy their retirement and all, but it's just one of those times that I was really counting on having help and I feel like they purposely didn't tell us how long they were going to be gone because MIL seemed really sheepish when I asked her. I just get really bad PPD and am terrified of the first couple of months and thought at least I would have some help. Now I have nobody. I know lots of people are much worse off and don't even have husbands in the picture, but I just feel panicked. 

ETA: Oh yeah, and MIL told me "we were thinking that DH could take just a week off since we'll be here when Ruby's born and then when we leave he can take the other two weeks." 1- his sabbatical doesn't work that way and 2- it's nice they were making plans for us when we didn't even know theirs! 

[Dorothy Zbornak]

That sucks ... but did they know you were counting on them?

[biblionerd]

Jan 15, 2014 2:08:04 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

That sucks ... but did they know you were counting on them?

Yeah, I mean, we never really set up a "you watch the kids X days a week" kind of thing, but they knew Ruby was coming and that they are our only help. I know they're definitely not REQUIRED to watch them and owe us nothing, but basically they knew that we'd have nobody here. MIL definitely knew it when she was talking today and she was sweet about it, but said something like "well, we knew it would be hard on you, but didn't want to worry you". I'm just being emotional and self-entitled, but it's the just worst time to not have anyone to call during a c/s recovery with 2 crazy toddlers!!! 

ETA: We've just always been so close to them it's just totally weird to have them plan a 6 week vacation right after the birth and not say anything. Baby aside, DH is shocked that they're leaving for that long without really telling us. It's not like we see them once in a while, we're talking like no less than 2 days a week, sometimes 3. We're so close that it was just shocking, like they were purposely not telling us. 

[Dorothy Zbornak]

Ugh, I'm sorry! Do you think you can get your family to step up a little?

[biblionerd]

Jan 15, 2014 2:34:51 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

Ugh, I'm sorry! Do you think you can get your family to step up a little?

no. They're really just being asses. Dh went out of town a while back when inlaws were also out of town, I was sick, and had the horses at home still to take care of which meant getting the kids out to the barn blah blah and I literally BEGGED them to help me. Called and told them that I hated to do it but that I was literally begging for their help and they were am the only ones that could help me. My sister came over for like 2 hrs one day while the kids were in the middle of their nap and my mom never came.

[Dorothy Zbornak]

Jan 15, 2014 2:45:36 GMT -5 biblionerd said:

Jan 15, 2014 2:34:51 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

Ugh, I'm sorry! Do you think you can get your family to step up a little?

no. They're really just being asses. Dh went out of town a while back when inlaws were also out of town, I was sick, and had the horses at home still to take care of which meant getting the kids out to the barn blah blah and I literally BEGGED them to help me. Called and told them that I hated to do it but that I was literally begging for their help and they were am the only ones that could help me. My sister came over for like 2 hrs one day while the kids were in the middle of their nap and my mom never came.

Did something happen? A fight or something?

[biblionerd]

Jan 15, 2014 3:37:07 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

Jan 15, 2014 2:45:36 GMT -5 biblionerd said:

no. They're really just being asses. Dh went out of town a while back when inlaws were also out of town, I was sick, and had the horses at home still to take care of which meant getting the kids out to the barn blah blah and I literally BEGGED them to help me. Called and told them that I hated to do it but that I was literally begging for their help and they were am the only ones that could help me. My sister came over for like 2 hrs one day while the kids were in the middle of their nap and my mom never came.

Did something happen? A fight or something?

nope. :/ It's really weird. Ds was the first grandchild on both sides and it's like he was the freaking golden child (sorry Linus...). Then I swear it was just like the newness wore off. Fiona came along and it was nothing like ds from either sides really, but his parents still helped. My mom used to come over when ds was little and just play with him and hang out and hardly ever did it with dd. now this one is like they've hardly even acknowledged I'm pregnant!!! We moved slightly farther away from my parents but they were like this before. They actually talked about how the new house would make it easier for them to come over because it was "on their way to more stuff" (we lived in the boonies before). I have no idea. It's sad and really bums me out. I think that's part of why I get so upset when his parents leave because I have two parents and 2 sisters who even if I could get to come over would have no idea how to take care of the kids for a couple hrs.

[Dorothy Zbornak]

Jan 15, 2014 4:29:16 GMT -5 biblionerd said:

Jan 15, 2014 3:37:07 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

Did something happen? A fight or something?

nope. :/ It's really weird. Ds was the first grandchild on both sides and it's like he was the freaking golden child (sorry Linus...). Then I swear it was just like the newness wore off. Fiona came along and it was nothing like ds from either sides really, but his parents still helped. My mom used to come over when ds was little and just play with him and hang out and hardly ever did it with dd. now this one is like they've hardly even acknowledged I'm pregnant!!! We moved slightly farther away from my parents but they were like this before. They actually talked about how the new house would make it easier for them to come over because it was "on their way to more stuff" (we lived in the boonies before). I have no idea. It's sad and really bums me out. I think that's part of why I get so upset when his parents leave because I have two parents and 2 sisters who even if I could get to come over would have no idea how to take care of the kids for a couple hrs.

Have you ever tried to talk to them about it directly?

[biblionerd]

Jan 15, 2014 4:52:46 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

Jan 15, 2014 4:29:16 GMT -5 biblionerd said:

nope. :/ It's really weird. Ds was the first grandchild on both sides and it's like he was the freaking golden child (sorry Linus...). Then I swear it was just like the newness wore off. Fiona came along and it was nothing like ds from either sides really, but his parents still helped. My mom used to come over when ds was little and just play with him and hang out and hardly ever did it with dd. now this one is like they've hardly even acknowledged I'm pregnant!!! We moved slightly farther away from my parents but they were like this before. They actually talked about how the new house would make it easier for them to come over because it was "on their way to more stuff" (we lived in the boonies before). I have no idea. It's sad and really bums me out. I think that's part of why I get so upset when his parents leave because I have two parents and 2 sisters who even if I could get to come over would have no idea how to take care of the kids for a couple hrs.

Have you ever tried to talk to them about it directly?

yep, and all I get is the "we're just so busy" excuses. They just laugh it off when I talk about how everyone paid so much attention to Linus and just got over it. My mom literally said "oh" when I told her I was pg this time for goodness sake! I think she's having her own issues right now about something. Even my sisters think she's been acting weird.

[imimahoney]

I'm sorry, that is hard. Are you able to hire a mother's helper for a day or two a week once Dh goes back?

[sunshineluv]

I am sorry, fwiw you don't sound entitled at all. I fully expect my family to help out when DD is born, both sides. If they backed out I would be really upset (and would likely cry, in turn guilting my family). I hate this for you.