NGPR: dealing with difficult co-workers

[hokiegirl82]

There is a woman I work with who is of the same worker-bee level as me, and I've been having a difficult time interacting with her lately. I am a legal assistant to a partner in a law firm, and this woman is also an admin to a partner. I get along pretty well with the other admins, and consider several of them my friends. It doesn't matter what kind of attorney we work for, all admins are considered on the same peer level, and we are all expected to respect each other. For some reason, this woman likes to stick her nose in the air and act like she is better than everyone else. The few times I have to interact with her per week, she likes to try and tell me what to do as if she is my boss, and even scolds me sometimes as if she's my mother. I'm about at the end of my rope with this woman - I do not take well to being talked down to, especially by someone who is on my same level. I am not the only person who has issues with this woman - she speaks down to other admins and she also tries to pass her work onto anyone else at any time so she doesn't have to do it.

I have discussed this issue with the partner I work for, and he says I need to deal with it one of 2 ways - completely ignore her or state very calmly "you are not my boss, you are not to instruct me what to do." I would love to do the second thing when she is trying to instruct me of what I need to do as if she is my boss, but I'm not sure I could hold my tone of voice to where it should be. I've gotten into a few heated arguments/discussions with her when she has tried to instruct me of what I should be doing, so there is already tension there. I'm thinking the only safe way for me to handle her is to just ignore her when she acts like she is above me, and to continue to interact with her as little as possible.

How do you deal with difficult co-workers? I am a little scared for myself because I get a little worked up over how this woman treats me and I'm scared I might say something to her face that I regret later.

I also can't really bring this to the office managers attention - the office manager seems to love this woman for some reason so I would just lose any battle there.

[VillainV]

In a case like that I think I would say something like, "My supervisor asks that all requests for my work go through her, so if there's something you need me to do, please forward your request to her." I highly doubt this woman is going to ask the lawyer you work for if you can do her shit jobs for her. Obviously run this response through your supervisor though :-)

[sunshineluv]

I think you need to say something to her the next time it happens so that it stops. Ignoring her is prolonging the process. I think you have the self control not to fly off the handle. State the facts to her, say "coworker, we have had a misunderstanding. You are not one of my bosses and I do not take direction from you, I have had a conversation with my boss about this and he specifically said to remind you that you are not my boss. If you have any concerns feel free to discuss them with your manager, thanks."

You have been asked by you boss to nip this in the bud, and instead you are still stewing on it. I don't think that is the best course of action. Don't let her make you miserable at work, try to fix it.

[hokiegirl82]

Jan 15, 2014 18:36:07 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

I think you need to say something to her the next time it happens so that it stops. Ignoring her is prolonging the process. I think you have the self control not to fly off the handle. State the facts to her, say "coworker, we have had a misunderstanding. You are not one of my bosses and I do not take direction from you, I have had a conversation with my boss about this and he specifically said to remind you that you are not my boss. If you have any concerns feel free to discuss them with your manager, thanks."

You have been asked by you boss to nip this in the bud, and instead you are still stewing on it. I don't think that is the best course of action. Don't let her make you miserable at work, try to fix it.

True I should probably say something to her to stop it, the main reason I haven't is because even if I say something in a calm and professional manner to her I expect her to react poorly as she has in the past and she would most likely tattle to the office manager. That would then bring a shitstorm down on me since the office manager always takes her side (I've brought a couple of issues to the manager's attention about this woman and she always has some excuse for her behavior).

The biggest problem is that she refuses to do things that are part of her job and tells me it's my job. I think next time she tells me to do something that is her job I'll try to stay calm and remind her it's her job not mine and she needs to do her part so I can do my job. We have to work together but there's certain things she has to do before I can do my job. Even if I get in some trouble maybe she'll get the point without me saying something I will really regret. I could always ask the partner to sit in on a meeting if it comes to it since he's aware of the problem and will have my back.

[sunshineluv]

Jan 15, 2014 19:36:17 GMT -5 hokiegirl82 said:

Jan 15, 2014 18:36:07 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

I think you need to say something to her the next time it happens so that it stops. Ignoring her is prolonging the process. I think you have the self control not to fly off the handle. State the facts to her, say "coworker, we have had a misunderstanding. You are not one of my bosses and I do not take direction from you, I have had a conversation with my boss about this and he specifically said to remind you that you are not my boss. If you have any concerns feel free to discuss them with your manager, thanks."

You have been asked by you boss to nip this in the bud, and instead you are still stewing on it. I don't think that is the best course of action. Don't let her make you miserable at work, try to fix it.

True I should probably say something to her to stop it, the main reason I haven't is because even if I say something in a calm and professional manner to her I expect her to react poorly as she has in the past and she would most likely tattle to the office manager. That would then bring a shitstorm down on me since the office manager always takes her side (I've brought a couple of issues to the manager's attention about this woman and she always has some excuse for her behavior).

The biggest problem is that she refuses to do things that are part of her job and tells me it's my job. I think next time she tells me to do something that is her job I'll try to stay calm and remind her it's her job not mine and she needs to do her part so I can do my job. We have to work together but there's certain things she has to do before I can do my job. Even if I get in some trouble maybe she'll get the point without me saying something I will really regret. I could always ask the partner to sit in on a meeting if it comes to it since he's aware of the problem and will have my back.

Oh, the office manager complicates it a bit, not as black and white. I am sorry, I hope things improve and soon. It sucks to have stress like that at work.