This is one thing DH and I haven't discussed. Will your DH get up at all when newborn is crying or needs feeding? Or do you expect to do everything on your own? Will your arrangement change if/when you go back to work?
Uh, he better! We've talked about it, and are planning to split the nights into two "shifts," i.e. 10-2am, 2am-6am (or whatever depending on baby's sleeping patterns). I plan to breastfeed, but also pump, and we haven't figured out if he'll feed baby at night or if I'll do all the night feeding.
Post by curbsideprophet on Jan 20, 2014 11:46:56 GMT -5
Without first DH got up and changed her diaper then brought her too me in bed. He went back to sleep while I nursed. I then put her in the cosleeper next to the bed.
Eventually she did not need to changed as much MOTN, so I would just reach over and get her out if the cosleeper.
We haven't specifically talked about it, but he'd better help out! Especially when I go back to work and he's a SAHD. I expect that we'll more or less trade off -- I don't expect him to do EVERYTHING but I do expect him to do SOMETHING :-)
Of course! My plan now is for him to get the baby when he cries, change him, and then for me bf. I'll be more lenient with this when I'm on ML and he's working, but when we're both working I fully expect him to help out. I'm also open to the idea of shifts, as pp's have mentioned.
My H is planning to take the first two weeks off, so definitely during that time. After that, I think we'll play it by ear until I return to work- if I'm really overwhelmed and need his help or support, of course I will wake him up (he's a deep sleeper) but otherwise I might try to let him sleep. I'm planning on breastfeeding.
Yes of course. I already told him I will need his help in getting the baby and bringing her to me. And I won't lie..I've already been preparing him by asking for tums, water, etc. in the middle of the night. He always gets up and gets it even though I am perfectly capable. lol
We've decided that we're a team and we are in this together. We plan on us both tending to the baby. I plan on breastfeeding, so I will be needed for feeding.
Yes of course. I already told him I will need his help in getting the baby and bringing her to me. And I won't lie..I've already been preparing him by asking for tums, water, etc. in the middle of the night. He always gets up and gets it even though I am perfectly capable. lol
oh yes! I do this too! I need ice water and tums. I'm pretty sure I am capable too but it's nicer to have him do it
if he knows what's good for him he will, haha. we haven't talked about it (middle of the night duties) specifically but our plan is for him to take 4 weeks off of work so there won't be a 'need' for him to get more sleep at night during that time if he's not working. we've briefly mentioned that baby will probably spend the first few weeks in our room just to make middle of the night feedings, etc easier. i plan to try and breastfeed so obviously if it works out all the feeding will need me but he will help out as much as possible. if BF doesn't work out and we end up using formula maybe then we can rotate feedings to get longer stretched of sleep for each of us.
We have talked about it and I have let him know in no uncertain terms that he will be helping, whether I'm breastfeeding or not. He knows how much I need sleep and what happens if I have several nights without. So he will be looking out for his own best interest to make sure I get as much sleep as possible
Post by Velar Fricative on Jan 20, 2014 13:00:13 GMT -5
That was the plan. As it turned out, I found him to be more helpful if I woke him up when she wouldn't go back to sleep (DD is BF). I didn't mind being alone while nursing her and she usually did go down easily after eating, but when she didn't he got up to soothe her while I went to sleep.
She had been STTN or having just one quick wakeup for a while but now she's been sleeping like crap so we have gone back to this routine of taking shifts. I would rather just nurse her in the middle of the night instead of pump because it's just easier.
DH might do the nappy change at around 11pm before he goes to bed, otherwise it will be me. I imagine that we will do what we did with DS. The crib will be next to my bed, but we ended up co-sleeping. I got pretty good at lying my side and feeding baby. DS used to wake up at 11pm, 2am, 5am and then 9am. DH would change the nappy at 11pm. I would feed. We would sleep, I wake up at 2am, feed, talk and play with DS for 15 minutes, sleep until 5am. Change nappy, feed, sleep. DH would sneak out of bed at 7:30am and get ready for work. I woudl usually wake up with him kissing my forehead good bye. Of course the next child could be completely different.
DH does get up with DS now, although that is rare that DS wakes up. The deal was I did the first 2 years of the child's life, DH does the rest.
Last time he was laid off at the time, and DD was bottle fed from the start, so he covered the 12am and 3am feedings. I'd take the 6am and 9am so he could sleep in. He went back to work when she was 4mos, and by that time she was STTN (12-6). If she did happen to wake up, I'd usually take care of it, but in those nights I just couldn't get out of bed, he would.
This time he'll take 6 weeks off. I don't mind handling the overnight feeds, but I know if I'm just too tired he'll step up.
Post by JayhawkGirl on Jan 20, 2014 13:11:29 GMT -5
The cosleeper is on his side of the bed. He takes off her swaddler, checks diaper and gets her a little awake for me while I sit up and maneuver my pillows, get my water in reach, etc.
I've had to pump and supplement, so after I nurse he gives her a bottle while I pumped. Over the last ten days she's getting better at nursing and I have cut the middle of the night pumping and she's only needing the bottle about half the time. So, DH mostly goes back to sleep once he sends her my way.
Post by CrazyLucky on Jan 20, 2014 13:27:54 GMT -5
I breastfed and DH did not get up in the middle of the night. I had to get up anyway, and he was going to work the next day, so that made sense to me. Now, when DD wakes up in the MOTN, if I go in, she wants to play and talk. If DH goes in, she lays right back down and goes to sleep. So I never go in. Do I feel bad? Not one bit! He has about 1000 more times to go to make it even.
I'll do most of it when I am on maternity leave. Once I return to work, we will rotate nights caring for the baby. I am not nursing, so that makes it easier to switch up.
Post by JayhawkGirl on Jan 20, 2014 13:40:49 GMT -5
The cosleeper is on his side of the bed. He takes off her swaddler, checks diaper and gets her a little awake for me while I sit up and maneuver my pillows, get my water in reach, etc.
I've had to pump and supplement, so after I nurse he gives her a bottle while I pumped. Over the last ten days she's getting better at nursing and I have cut the middle of the night pumping and she's only needing the bottle about half the time. So, DH mostly goes back to sleep once he sends her my way.
He's taking time off (a month, maybe more) when the baby arrives and he'll definitely be helping then. But when he goes back to work, I want him to sleep as much as he can. He works insane hours. When I go back to work, we will reassess. He'll probably have to help out more then.
I'm not really sure how this will work. The baby will be sleeping in our room for a while, so I'm just assuming that when she wakes up, it will wake both of us up anyway. I'm planning on BF so that'll be on me, but I'm sure he'll help out with diaper changes and soothing and whatever else needs to happen.
Nope, at least not after the first week. He gets up the first week because I have c-sections and really need him to get baby and then help me sit up. After that I do them all. I breastfeed and don't pump so there really isn't a reason for us both to be sleep deprived. He needs to be rested for his work. I can nap during the day when the baby does. Frankly, the middle of the night feedings are my absolute favorite because there are no distractions and we can just look at each other and have amazing bonding time. My body adjusts to the lack of sleep, none of mine have slept through the night until over a year.
I'm sure he would help if I asked. He plans to, but I'm hoping to not get him up too much. He works full time and I SAH so I want him to be rested to be able to function at work.
There's no way he won't be helping out. He's a light sleeper so he'll be awake anyways, but he's very into the idea of being an active dad. I like the idea of one night on/one night off - we'll look into implementing that when we're both back at work.
Post by chickadee77 on Jan 20, 2014 17:49:08 GMT -5
I'm with jjwritergirl - H doesn't require as much sleep as I do, lol. His current schedule is such that he goes to bed with me, gets up for a few hours in the night, then comes back to bed right as I get up for work to doze for an hour or so. We haven't discussed specifics yet, because with breastfeeding, etc., who knows. But I anticipate a good bit of help in the night.
Post by sunshine608 on Jan 20, 2014 18:02:05 GMT -5
We haven't discuss specifics, but he is such a night owl I anticipate him still being up for most of them. He can help me out and I'll be on my own during the day. Of course this is all speculation but I do know he will help as needed.
Post by narockshard on Jan 20, 2014 20:17:29 GMT -5
I only plan on asking him to help if I'm super exhausted and the baby needs more than a feeding and quick change to go back to sleep. I plan on breastfeeding so I'll need to get up anyway--although I do plan on having the baby sleep in our room right next to my bedside at least until he/she is sleeping through the night so I don't anticipate having to totally get up and out of bed if I have everything I need at my nightstand. He will be the one working full time so I won't expect or ask him to help out in that regard unless I'm about to lose my mind. I figure I can nap during the day when baby sleeps.
I'll be breastfeeding so I'll take care of most of the MOTN stuff-- esp when I'm on maternity leave. Of course if I get totally overwhelmed/she won't go back to sleep, I'll wake him up to help. He'll probably be on toddler duty if she happens to wake up though.
MH won't be helping out at all, but it's because he works nights. Last night was his first night back to work and it wasn't too horrible, but it is without a doubt the thing I've cried the most about this past week. I am looking forward to Friday and Saturday nights when I can hopefully sleep more and have him take care of the baby though.
Post by andthentherewere10 on Jan 21, 2014 6:16:13 GMT -5
It is going to be a big problem if he doesn't. As a general rule, I get up about 2.5 hrs earlier than H does for work. So when ML is over, he will certainly do his fare share of MOTN duties since his schedule is much more flexible (completely self employed working at home).