Am I overreacting ?? _ PGAL Related

[Deleted]

The only person other than MH, who knows about my previous m/c and current pregnancy is my sister.  Everytime she calls me, she asks me "How is Jelly Bean doing?"  It makes my anxiety go up, because how am I supposed to know this shit?!?! I let it slide yesterday because I had my first u/s and everything looked fine. But today I just lost it with her.

The convo went something like:

Sis - How is jelly bean doing?

Me - I am doing fine, thanks for asking.

Sis - How about Jelly Bean.

*silence*

Sis - launches off into a monologue about finding a trikie for her own daughter.

Me - oh thats nice.

Sis - JB?

Me - It is weird that you keep asking me this, how am I supposed to know this shit? It makes me extremely anxious everytime you ask me this!

Sis - u can just say JB is happy and growing

Me - I dont know if this is true, unless I have an u/s.

Sis - she is happy cause she has nothing to worry about  
and she is growing fast
. so u can say JB is growing and happy. see how easy that is

Me - You need to stop. It is pretty insensitive thing to say to someone who had a past m/c

Sis - oh wow, I did not know that you were this sensitive.



I still have one more blood test/ appointment with the RE to see if everything is on track with this pregnancy, so I am an anxious mess. I just had to get this off my chest because it literally makes the hair on my arms stick up when she asks me this. Am I over reacting?

PDQ

[loira]

You are not overreacting in my opinion. If my sister said that to me, I'd be totally unimpressed.

[smock]

It sounds like she didn't necessarily mean any harm, but you might want to reinforce the conversation by mentioning you appreciate when she asks how you are doing but she should wait for you to initiate conversations about you-know-who.

[bk1]

Not overreacting. That is really crappy of her. I'm sorry

[shelbyann]

I don't think it's at all insensitive that she asks about your pregnancy, or even asks a follow up if met with silence. But the whole "I didn't know you were this sensitive" thing is out of line on her part, IMO. If you've asked her nicely to stop asking you about it, she should STFU respect your wishes.

I hope your next appt/blood draw goes well!

[andthentherewere10]

I have never been asked how my fetus was doing. It was always how I was doing. So that's weird. Hopefully she'll back off after your conversation.

[bk1]

I just called to update my SIL and MIL on my first appt and they both already gave nicknames to my baby. It's bullshit and I'm pissed. I already had one loss and one nickname I won't use again and don't want someone making up something.

I'm sure it was not intended as hurtful in anyway, but it is completely understandable that you are pissed.

[chickadee77]

I get where you're coming from. And it sucks for her to call you "sensitive" over it. There are so many emotions and feelings there that someone who has only had healthy pregnancies cannot understand - I know I didn't get it until I went through it. I felt like I had already failed as a mother and as a woman before I was even out of the starting gate (not true, I know *intellectually*) - and to have someone hit me with that repeatedly when I'm already anxious about it happening again wouldn't help. I agree that she's probably coming from a good place, but her execution is poor. I guess if she needs to label you as "sensitive" in her own mind to cut it out, whatever. But, yeah, it would bug me, too.

[mannah]

In my opinion, there's no wrong way to feel about pregnancy comments--we just feel how we feel. If she thinks you're too sensitive, too bad, that's how you feel. I'm glad you told her. That being said, her response would have really gotten to me too.

[MrsDarcy]

You might be overreacting a little, but I'm sure your loss is still fresh for you. You might try saying "good, as far as I know!" Which is what I said when asked before the u/s, or even now, as I haven't felt it move yet.

[IndiaInk]

The way she was asking was a little odd, but I think she must have meant well. I know I appreciated when my family showed interest in the baby growing inside of me, even though they knew I'd already had two losses. I typically responded the way MrsDarcy did: "good, as far as I know! We have another ultrasound scheduled for xyz date, so we'll know more then." It's agonizing - I get that. But at least she cares enough to ask.

[kershnic]

I still hate it when people ask how my babies are. How am I supposed to know? I usually manage something like "I hope they're good." People say/think weird things about pregnancy.

I would also be irritated at your sister's comments. I'm sure they come from a good place and I don't necessarily think she's wrong for saying them in the first place - but once you made it clear that it makes you uncomfortable she should back off. Sorry you're not getting that from her.

[Blue Moon]

As someone who's had a previous loss, I appreciate when my family asks questions about me/baby. I was worried they were all going to tiptoe around this pregnancy because our previous loss was so recent and traumatic, but that hasn't been the case. That being said, if it bothers YOU that your sister is asking these questions, then I think you should tell her as such (as you did.) I would interpret it initially as she's just trying to be supportive and caring, but if it persists even after you've expressed your feeling then you might need to take a different approach. Hang in there. Being PGAL is really a whole new level of anxiety unlike anything I've experienced before.

[amaristella]

I probably wouldn't have taken that well either. I still have all kinds of weird triggers and dislikes from my loss that I don't even mention to people. For example I loathe being asked if A is my first baby. I know what people are getting at so I just say yes and try to change the subject but secretly I'm crying inside.

[jewel]

I would have been annoyed, but it can be a hard thing to relate to if you haven't had a m/c. The anxiety I've had for this pregnancy is overwhelming, and far outweighs my excitement right now.

This is why I haven't announced this pregnancy to any close friends or relatives. Well-meaning comments like these might just push me over the edge.

I'd try a heartfelt message to her, like "I know you're excited, but I have so much anxiety right now that I'd rather not talk about the pregnancy much. I'll let you know once I'm ready to gush over the cuteness of the little Jelly Bean." If that doesn't work, then feel free to shank her.

[VillainV]

That was a weird and awkward conversation.

I think when you get a chance you should spell it out for her a little bit more. Tell her than you don't mind answering questions about YOU because those are easy. But remind her that you are terrified about having a healthy pregnancy, and those feelings are 24/7. They might be alleviated for a few minutes at an appointment if you get to see a scan or hear a heartbeat, but they come flooding right back in between visits, which makes questions about how the "jellybean" is doing really difficult for you because you're constantly worried about him/her.

[Deleted]

I think it is a normal conversation... Honestly people asked me all the time how the baby was doing (not how I was doing but how baby was doing) and that was well before I could feel her move or had even seen a sonogram. I would usually just make crap up about her making mommy miserable and that she clearly had a picky appetite because I couldn't eat anything. I get that her questioning could be stressful for you because of your loss and her comment about you being sensitive was a little direct, but I don't think she meant any harm. Hopefully she will back off a bit until you are able to feel more confident and start enjoying the pregnancy. It is good that you told her you didn't like the questioning though. Even if you are overreacting, it shouldn't matter to her and she should back off since it clearly is upsetting to you.

[Deleted]

I honestly think I over reacted a bit. Everytime I talk to my sister, she overloads me with information and I feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious. It is a rapid-fire of "Omg, are you still using shampoo with parabens?? You need to stop that! Have you started looking for daycare yet? You will need to start saving money right this minute because you will have a lot of expenses. Start stocking up on diapers when you find them on sale. Did you see the link for the Mama Mio I sent you? You need to use that if you dont want stretch marks. You need to start doing prenatal yoga..."

I have tried talking to her about it, and she usually pretty bad about picking up hints when I change the topic.

I honestly thought the m/c did not affect me very much, but I am starting to realize that it has made me an anxious mess. Last night, MH was in bed reading on his tablet. I glance over and he was looking at a graph with the title "36 Month Survival Rate". I freak out and squawk "Omg, wtf are you reading!!!!!" and he says "I am just researching hard drives" Doh

[Deleted]

Jan 22, 2014 10:31:39 GMT -5 @porcupine said:

I honestly think I over reacted a bit. Everytime I talk to my sister, she overloads me with information and I feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious. It is a rapid-fire of "Omg, are you still using shampoo with parabens?? You need to stop that! Have you started looking for daycare yet? You will need to start saving money right this minute because you will have a lot of expenses. Start stocking up on diapers when you find them on sale. Did you see the link for the Mama Mio I sent you? You need to use that if you dont want stretch marks. You need to start doing prenatal yoga..."

I have tried talking to her about it, and she usually pretty bad about picking up hints when I change the topic.

I honestly thought the m/c did not affect me very much, but I am starting to realize that it has made me an anxious mess. Last night, MH was in bed reading on his tablet. I glance over and he was looking at a graph with the title "36 Month Survival Rate". I freak out and squawk "Omg, wtf are you reading!!!!!" and he says "I am just researching hard drives" Doh

I haven't suffered a loss, but I have definitely been overwhelmed by all of the questions people ask once you get pregnant. I flipped out on my MIL after she kept asking a million questions that I didn't have the answers to (daycare, breastfeeding, returning to work, etc). I blew up at her and then locked myself in my room like a sullen teenager... Pregnancy will mess with your brain!