My parents found my cigarettes at the same age. I was maybe 19. In my purse. They didn't mention it but I knew. I heard them talking. I believe they didn't mention it because they didn't want me out of the closet. Honestly, since he is an adult, and they weren't in your house, I think it as a little unfair to toss them.
Well they were in her car that she allows him to drive, so I don't think she was being unfair.
I did want to say that your parents handled it better than mine. My dad found my menthols and whipped them at me across the living room and yelled, "You're smoke?!?! And methals? What does *that* mean?" Apparently he though I was smoking pot too because of the menthol. I mean, he was right about the pot smoking, but still...lol.
I think you're well within your rights to toss them, but damn if this didn't kind of piss me off. I'm projecting, I know it, but my parents used to go APESHIT over things like I was 1 minute late for my ridiculously early curfew or they saw my pack of cigarettes when I was 18 (which, fyi, I bought to try to learn how to smoke in case I ever needed it for a role since I was clearly going to be an actress). They wouldn't yell and stuff, but it would be very Eyeore we're so disappointed in you you're not the person we thought you were.
And I was SUCH a good kid. I didn't sneak out or lie (much), I was like 3rd in my class, I played two varsity sports, I was on the BOARD OF MY CHURCH YOUTH GROUP. And they treated me like I was some sort of prostitution whore (TM RHONJ) over the most piddly ass shit.
Ok remember I am a lung cancer advocate so don't jump in me if you think I'm intense.
This is not ok. This is not to be let slide. This is the one point where it's most important to act. The one moment you can really intervene on cigarette addiction is preventing young people to start smoking. It is extremely difficult to quit. Most smokers that know how bad it is wish they've never started. The risk of several diseases is greatly increased by smoking. Cardiac and circulatory diseases, pulmonary, kidney, etc. Young people feel invincible and think nothing will happen to them.
suesue you are in a great position to really affect your boy's life. Nip it in the bud. I don't have recommendations for how as I don't usually focus on smoking cessation but please do look for a way to stop him from continuing.
I drove ds2's car this am since it's 4wd and my Miata is rear wheel drive. Found two packs of half smoked Marlboros in the console. He SAYS he and a few friends just wanted to try them, swears he's not a smoker. His clothing doesn't smell like it,his breath doesn't smell like it, the inside of his car doesn't smell like it. I do not believe him for one minute. I am so freaking pissed.
I dunno. I'd be inclined to believe him if his clothes really don't smell and the inside of his car doesn't smell. Maybe it was just a one (or more accurately, two-) time thing? Really, there's no hiding that. There's attempting to cover it up, but that's a completely different, and always unsuccessful, thing.
If it makes you feel better, I smoked very lightly at 18 (and yes, it was the first time I tried them). But I wasn't a smoker. I'd have them maybe once every few weeks with a small group of friends. And then I stopped. I don't smoke now and haven't since the early days of university. While I get being 'crushed', the less you make of it the better - you can let him know you are disappointed, but that you have high expectations that he will make a good choice in the future about all of this.
this is what I'm doing. He's 18, it's legal. I told him I was unhappy about it, and that if any of his friends were minors, he'd better knock it off, I don't want to be hearing about this from parents/school, he can be cited for this.
Sitting here, alone in my office with the door shut? I'm feeling pretty bad.
I get feeling bad about it, I really do. I felt badly when I realized my son (16 at the time) had tried it. But the fact that he didn't deny it and owned up to it should at least have you recognizing you're raising a truthful kid. That counts for something in my book. The further in this thread I'm reading, the more it really does sound like they were just trying it.
Post by lolobeth802 on Feb 6, 2014 16:41:11 GMT -5
I can see why you felt the way you did. My son is 13 and I happened to see some of his texts to his buddies and they were FULL of fucks and other profanity. He's never sworn in front of me and I'm certain he understands there's a time and a place. But my stomach dropped, I guess from disappointment? It's one of those things (like trying cigs) that you expect might happen eventually, but still aren't ready for.
I can see why you felt the way you did. My son is 13 and I happened to see some of his texts to his buddies and they were FULL of fucks and other profanity. He's never sworn in front of me and I'm certain he understands there's a time and a place. But my stomach dropped, I guess from disappointment? It's one of those things (like trying cigs) that you expect might happen eventually, but still aren't ready for.
What's wrong with saying fuck at age 13? I'm pretty sure F-bombs were standard by age 11.
I think you handled it great and it is normal to feel disappointed. I am pretty sure if this had been my son I would have yelled and then smoked the cigs myself later while feeling really disappointed in my child. Don't worry he sounds like a great kid and he is probably just doing normal teenage experimental crap.