I'm sad, guys. Help me get over this.

[Deleted]

DH and I found out yesterday that our neighbor died nearly 2 weeks ago. He was a single guy (divorced), no children, with a dog. He died while working his delivery route. His body was found in his truck in a store's loading dock 2 days after he passed away, per preliminary autopsy results. The funeral was last week and neither of the 2 sets of neighbors who knew told us. These are people that know us - DH walks Chloe with the other 2 neighbors' dogs and our deceased neighbor's dog a few times a week.
Things have seemed amiss at his house for about a week - his porch light has been on and other house lights off - but DH and I didn't know what to make of it, and he didn't see the other neighbors as his schedule's been a bit more intense the past few weeks. Deceased neighbor had a DUI 2 years ago that still had not come to trial, so DH and I thought he possibly had his court date, was found guilty, and went to jail (first offense in my state can carry up to 30 days IIRC) unexpectedly. This was a very unlikely scenario, but the only possible explanation in our minds.
Anyway, I know my neighbor was not the nicest, or most upstanding guy. He drank a lot, had a history of drug use, and had a generally negative outlook on life. Even still, he did not deserve to die alone, in pain, in a store loading dock when it was probably 20 degrees outside. Yet I have cried multiple hours over this, because he is gone, because his dog will probably die of a broken heart (he is 14+), because my dog won't be able to play and frolic with his dog anymore. Our neighbor always said the best part of his day was seeing DH and Chloe for their afternoon walks because he knew how much playing with Chloe made his dog happy. 
He always joked with DH that if we had a kid that he'd like to be Uncle (his name) and we hadn't yet told him we're expecting. His dog was in his house for over 2 days, with no food and no water, and that makes me feel awful because DH and I walk by his house at least 4x per day between the two of us, and if we had known, we would have done whatever we could to take care of him.
I am angry because I don't truly feel like my neighborhood is the community our HOA always makes itself out to be. I mean, if these people who spend about a half hour a week with DH (less with me) can't drop a note in our mailbox or knock on our door when one of our own dies, can I rely on someone to call the police if someone witnesses a crime? A child falling and hurting themselves? 
Gah, I feel like such an emotional mess! Tell me this shock is normal, or tell me I am a crazy hormonal lady, whichever

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry. Finding out something like that is shocking. You have every right to feel sad.

[memenee]

I feel sad now.

You are right to feel this way. I'm very sorry.

[Deleted]

I'd be upset too, hell, just reading your post is upsetting, but I haven't had the best day so not sure I'm the best emotional barometer at the moment.

[Deleted]

Oh, and to make it worse - DH was at the store where our neighbor died the very same day. Of course, there was no way to have known but hindsight, man.

I just don't get how a big retailer (one of the most vilified stores on the planet) doesn't have enough going on in their loading dock with deliveries and such to not notice a big box truck not moving for TWO DAYS?!

[polarbearfans]

That would be very hard news to hear. I think what you are feeling is normal. Maybe the other neighbors assumed you knew? I don't want to make excuses. Maybe this tragic event can bring the neighborhood together. Maybe you can arrange a small not too fussy party. Private neighborhood Facebook group? A place to post news that may be relevant to the neighborhood.

[protozoa]

That is all very upsetting. What came of the dog?

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2014 17:43:06 GMT -5 protozoa said:

That is all very upsetting. What came of the dog?

His elderly parents took him. They live about 20 minutes from us - not super far. If we see anyone at the house in the next few weeks DH is going to offer to help clean out his house and set up doggie playdates.

[Deleted]

Feb 7, 2014 17:43:39 GMT -5 sxia said:

Do they know what he died of? It wasn't from cold, right?

He fell and hit his head outside the loading dock (I've heard there was blood confirming), then got in his truck and had a heart attack. He was only 49.

[teatimefor2]

I am so sorry, it is very upsetting. Hugs.

[Deleted]

I am sad from hearing that story, too, Mrs. S. It is a very sad way to end a life, however, the way one life ends does not define it. It sounds like Chloe and his pup gave him geniune joy, and that is a really wonderful thing.

[dexteroni]

Oh I'm so sorry. That is terribly sad, and I'm sorry your neighbors didn't tell you. That would add another layer of sadness. ((((hugs))))

[gt7301b]

Hugs @mrsspunky, that is sad. I'd be upset too!

[orangeblossom]

That is sad. I'm sorry about your neighbor.

I wonder if the neighbors thought you knew he passed, but even if they did, I'd at least mention it.

Again, I'm sorry.

[aspentosh]

I get it. The hormones plus a death of anyone you know is sad.

[pitterwoo]

Aw man that is really sad all around. Now I'm sad too. I think it's awesome that you let your dog play with his and you were good neighbors to him. There was no way you could have known anything.

[cransplash]

I am so sorry.

[imojoebunny]

I am sorry for your loss. People don't have to be perfect for you to miss them. This man sounds like he offered your family a nice break at the end of the day, and there is a lot to be said for that.

[bunch]

That's really terrible. I'm sorry for your loss.

[flatlan]

Big hugs to you!!!! What a sad situation. I am sorry for your loss.

[Kore]

I'm so sorry

[redwino]

I'm so very sorry.

[fiveoclock]

I get it, and I'm sorry. We had a neighbors a while ago; an elderly mother and her daughter. The daughter was married and had grown kids, but she moved out of her home to take care of her mom. The daughter had cancer, but she was supposedly doing really well. Mom was having her own issues as well. We started seeing oxygen trucks coming a few times a week and then they stopped. We assumed it was for the elderly mom. One day my daughter forgot her house keys so she went to our neighbor's house to use the phone, and that evening we stopped by to thank them for helping. It was not our neighbor who answered the door but her sister, whom we also knew because she relieved our neighbor on weekends. We asked if it was her or her sister who let our daughter hang out and that's when she let us know her sister had passed weeks earlier. No one told us. We live in row houses and we were chatty with several families, including this one. We were so sad. Sad that she died, sad that we couldn't go to the funeral, and sad that no one thought to tell us. I'm sorry you're feeling what you're feeling. I believe he probably died very suddenly. He probably had a cell phone on him, and if he didn't call for help he probably just died. There likely wasn't suffering. It's shitty, I get it.