Lurker with a ? Would you say anything or myob?

[huey]

One of my very best friends recently befriended another lady. She is about 7 years younger than us.

BFF brought her family (DH and 3 kids) and new friend to our house for 4th of July. BFF and new friend were tanked - drunk off their asses-drunk. BFF contained herself pretty well, but new friend was doing stupid shit that was all around irritating. We had about 20 other people there (other friends and family).

Among the offenses - peeing on the side of our house, sending the kids to grab her beer, running through the fireworks, hijacking peoples phones for music, and overall loud and rude.

They left beercans strewn about our yard and when they left, she got in her car, threw out her beer can in the street and opened another as they left.

I asked BFF if I could drive but she said they would be fine. Right now, I am so pissed at BFF especially for getting into a car with a drunk driver with her kids watching (they rode with their dad).

BFF has changed so much since she has befriended this girl. I am just worried more than anything about her (and her kids). Since becoming friends with her, BFF gets drunk every weekend and does things that is so not who she use to be.

WWYD? Say something or MYOB?

[cjeanette]

I would say something. That sounds excessive.

[huey]

Jul 6, 2012 15:09:06 GMT -5 @blessed said:

I would casually, in a concerned way mention the drunk driving incident. I have a no tolerance for drunk driving and would be concerned.

I wouldn't bring up the friend acting like an ass because I would just never plan to invite her over again and it's not you're friends fault that homegirl acted crazy.

Except BFF thought she was effing hilarious and was egging her on. BFF seriously thinks this girl is awesomesauce and walks on water.

[Bob Loblaw]

how did BFF's DH react?

[Susie]

I would say something, but I'd keep it to specific, limited concrete instances to avoid her just brushing it off, "oh, you just don't like new friend. Pooh on you."

Getting in the car with someone who's been drinking would be the specific thing I'd mention. That's objectively a really, really bad idea, regardless of where her kids were or what they saw. As the host, I would not have let girlfriend leave my house driving if I thought she was intoxicated. It'd be a huge no-no. I'd discuss that with BFF.

But I wouldn't get into "you've changed, blah blah, every weekend, etc. etc." That often sounds more like jealousy (of her having a new friend to spend time with) than concern, and doesn't usually go well.

[huey]

Jul 6, 2012 15:11:40 GMT -5 Susie said:

I would say something, but I'd keep it to specific, limited concrete instances to avoid her just brushing it off, "oh, you just don't like new friend. Pooh on you."

Getting in the car with someone who's been drinking would be the specific thing I'd mention. That's objectively a really, really bad idea, regardless of where her kids were or what they saw. As the host, I would not have let girlfriend leave my house driving if I thought she was intoxicated. It'd be a huge no-no. I'd discuss that with BFF.

But I wouldn't get into "you've changed, blah blah, every weekend, etc. etc." That often sounds more like jealousy (of her having a new friend to spend time with) than concern, and doesn't usually go well.

That is what I want to avoid, because I have been pondering if it is jealousy, but truly it is not. I am more mad that she rode with her drunk.

I was pretty insistant (about me driving them), but new girl and BFF ran and hopped in the car before I could have done anything about it.

And BFF"s DH didn't say much. I am not sure what he thinks. They do a bunch of stuff together as a group. He also knows better than to buck against his wife

[ddi741]

I would also bring up the riding with a drunk driver but I also don't see anything with mentioning that you don't want the BFF at your house again(You can wait until your next function and see if she tries to invite her). You can list all the things you mentioned here as to why she isn't welcome.

[definitelyO]

your BFF and her friend PEED on the side of your house? they were too drunk to use the bathroom??? I'd ask my friend WTF was she thinking - that's unacceptable.

and then there is the whole drunk driving. Tell her you care about her and you are worried about that kind of behavior and think of her kids - what would happen if she got a DUi - or were in an accident and hurt someone or herself. what would her family do? and how would she feel?

[birdmom]

Drunk driving aside, I can't get past the part where she peed on your house. Who does that?

[hannamarin]

The problem is that you can bring up the drunk driving, but she will continue to insist that she wasnt drunk. And unless you did a breathalyzer, you wont convince her.
I think the peeing on the house would be hard to make up excuses for.

[steph96]

Midlife crisis.

She has a new, awesome friend that doesn't have kids. She is trying to live like a young, wild, single person. She will [hopefully] outgrow it in a few weeks. Until then, I would avoid hanging out with her.

[moog]

I would've called the cops to report her drunk driving as she drove away.

[Deleted]

I'd say something about the drunk driving.

And none of these people would be welcome in my home again.

[Jinx]

I'm floored that someone so drunk that they peed on your house was allowed to DRIVE home without anyone trying to stop them. You have responsibilities as the host to ensure your guests get home safely, if anything had happened you could have been in serious trouble. All other issues aside, you need to speak to your friend about the situation she put you as well as the danger she is putting herself in. Why didn't her DH drive home? Something seems off.

[Deleted]

This is 19 year old drunk chick behavior, not married wife and mom behavior. I'd ask your friend what is going on in her life that she feels the need to revert back to childhood and act like a fucking moron. DOes she feel trapped? Is she unhappy? If it were really my best friend I'd say something. A good friend but not BFF? Probably I'd just say don't bring your idiot friend to my house anymore.

[mclovin]

Doesn't sound like a good friend. Who pees on the side of the house? And I would have called the cops on the drunk driving.

[shell403b]

Jul 7, 2012 10:55:21 GMT -5 moog said:

I would've called the cops to report her drunk driving as she drove away.

No, you would not have. Would you really?

[Deleted]

Why would you give a shit about either of these people? Cut them out.

[Wines Not Whines]

I would've kicked her out after the peeing incident. I'd say something about the drunk driving and peeing, and then distance myself from her. I don't have the energy to put up with that kind of thing.

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2012 0:15:03 GMT -5 shell403b said:

Jul 7, 2012 10:55:21 GMT -5 moog said:

I would've called the cops to report her drunk driving as she drove away.

No, you would not have. Would you really?

If a friend (or anyone) wouldn't let me stop them from driving and they were obviously not fit to drive, I would call the cops and report it. I could not live with myself if they killed or injured another person because I didn't do everything in my power to stop them.

[Deleted]

I would definately say something. She brought that drunken stupidity into your home so it became your business.

[315bride]

Lately, my feeling on these situations is to just distance myself completely from the situation. In this case, it would mean a taking a break from your BFF.

[miss1180]

Jul 8, 2012 6:27:26 GMT -5 @ameliapond said:

Jul 8, 2012 0:15:03 GMT -5 shell403b said:

No, you would not have. Would you really?

If a friend (or anyone) wouldn't let me stop them from driving and they were obviously not fit to drive, I would call the cops and report it. I could not live with myself if they killed or injured another person because I didn't do everything in my power to stop them.

exactly!! the Drunk driving part isn't just a "i'm gonna let my friend be stupid and learn her lesson" kind of thing. and it wasn't like she was just a little buzzed trying to drive home- she was SO drunk that she PEED on a house!!!
Getting in to the car like that puts EVERYONE on the road in danger. I would never forgive myself if somebody else got hurt or worse because of my friends stupidity and because i could have made a simple phone call to stop it.
the friend was probably so out of it and wouldn't know who called the cops anyway...

[ssmjlm]

I would say something, esp about the drunk driving and peeing.

Where I live if you are a host and allow someone to drink and drive and they get into an accident, you can be charged as well.

[M]

I wouldn't get in the middle of the situation. Her H probably also has issues with her newly developed behavior and the last thing you want to do is corner her. Let her H deal with her and you be the best friend that you are but carefully let her know that you are concerned about her behavior when she's around this new friend of hers. Tread lightly.

I also would have called the cops on them. A DUI and a night in jail is far less severe then lying dead in a coffin or killing an innocent person.

[GailGoldie]

I am another who would have called the cops. No fucking way would i let a friend leave who is that drunk- and if they refused me stopping them and calling a cab, etc - that shows they aren't a good friend anyway - so a night in jail they deserve... better than killing someone else and me not just feeling guilty about it- but possibly facing charges b/c i hosted the party.

sounds like 19yo behavior for sure. I wouldn't want friends like that in my life... I'd bring it all up to HER (not her husband - my issue with my friend has nothing to do with her marriage)... and let her know how you feel - and then move on if she doesn't apologize and stop behaving like an idiot.

[h]

I wouldn't have called the cops if there was any way I could help it, but I sure as hell would have done everything in my power to keep a guest from driving away from a gathering that I hosted drunk off her ass. She could have killed someone, and, depending on your state laws, you could have been liable. And what was her husband doing as this was going on? I would like to think that my DH would not watch me get into a car with a drunk driver, then drive off in a different car with my kids. I don't get why he didn't just make her get in the car with him?

[moog]

Jul 8, 2012 0:15:03 GMT -5 shell403b said:

Jul 7, 2012 10:55:21 GMT -5 moog said:

I would've called the cops to report her drunk driving as she drove away.

No, you would not have. Would you really?

umm yes. If you saw a very intoxicated person come out of a bar and start driving, would you call the police? Or in any other situation? How is this different just because you know them?

I guess I care more about the safety of the public than some drunk idiot's driving record.

[readyin07]

I have no issue with people being drunk and stupid...every once in a while. Even peeing on the side of the house..enh?

But yeah. The drunk driving would concern me and I'd definitely address that.

[SusanBAnthony]

The peeing.... well, I dont want to be friends with someone who in any way thinks that is acceptable. But whatever, lesson learned, find a new friend.

The driving... yup, I would have called the cops.