Older parents and "charity" solicitations

[rubytue]

I remember awhile back someone talking about the older generation being targeted by phone calls for charities. This was a specific story, maybe even the posters parents were victims? I wants to say it involved a group claiming to be college republicans or democrats. Does this ring any bells? If so, can you help me find a link or more information about what that scam?

And why I ask - I'm visiting my father, who has been diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer's. He is doing really well and it's hard to tell, for the most part (other than no short term memory). But, step-mom was telling me how he answers the phone to anyone who calls, talks to them, and agrees to donate. She is annoyed, but placated that she at least had him trained to agree, but not by phone. He asks them to send the information by mail. This was conversation was bc he answered and "unknown" number. Well, then we overheard him reading random digits (debit card). It has not been a good evening since then. *sigh*

[rubytue]

Thank you so much! And so amazingly quick on a friday night! I am sending that to my stepmom. And I'm going to try to figure out if they have call blocking available. She screens the mail, and thought it was working. This really shocked her.

All we got was that it was a political org calling, which is what triggered the memory. Stepmom got on the phone and tried to unauthorize what he just did, and the caller got nasty.

Might have been legit, might not have been. But damn scary when you know your father will give the shirt off his back if you ask, and then you find out he'll pull out his DEBIT card to anyone who calls with a sob story. I'm really sick about it. The whole thing. And especially because he was humiliated by what happened. Ugh. I learned so much MM stuff from him, and hate that it's coming to this.

FTR, they do give a lot to charity, and to political causes. We don't want to cut that out. Just screen the charities and, well, the debit card to whoever calls.

[WOT?*]

If he's early stage Alzheimer's see if step-mom can take his debit card and credit cards and keep them secure so he doesn't have access. She can hopefully divert when he feels he "needs" them for solicitation purposes and if she's checking the mail she can easily enough divert any incoming debit or credit cards. She might also consider talking with him about changing the status of their checking account to joint but with only her as signatory for writing checks or have a trust set up and the funds placed in the trust naming her (and potentially you or a sibling) as trustee. She should also get a power of attorney, medical POA and have their wills updated while he's still cognizant. You or a sibling should also have a medical POA in the event something happens to her and should also know where she keeps a copy of the will/trust documents. She retains a LOT of rights as his wife but it's best to make certain the road is paved while they can both still take care of it. And if something happens to her, it's best to have a second line of defense one generation down.

Have them talk with an elder law attorney to see what steps might be the best to take to make certain that they are protected NOW rather than having to go to court later when he's no longer competent.

I'm saying this after having spent almost two weeks in California to have my father, who suffers from late-stage Alzheimer's and is bedridden, placed in a skilled nursing facility after his wife suffered a major heart attack and was hospitalized for almost a month in preparation for open heart surgery and is going to have at least six months rehabilitation. We were fortunate that she was able to do what she could to get the process moving and her daughter was instrumental in getting things accomplished in her mother's name. But if dad's wife had died on the table, or while waiting for an ambulance or before she could even notify anyone she was having difficulty, it would have been a nightmare of epic proportions.

[rubytue]

Thanks mrsbpo and mx. The whole thing just sucks so much. It's such a cruel disease.

The really good part is that I have a great relationship with my stepmom, so things there are drama free (at least now, but I don't expect it to get worse). Also, since Alzheimer's runs in his family (but not the known gene), he prepped for this years ago. When his mom had it, dad and stepmom set up everything - trusts, LTC insurance, power of attorney, etc. and I have all the information on how to access it - including their lawyer's contact and signiture access to the safety deposit box. And, when the time comes, he'll probably go to the same place his mom was. It's nearby stepmom and was what he selected for his own mom.

In other news, H and I are on our way home now. This trip has solidified that it's no longer a vacation to come down to my dad's lake house. *sigh*

[rubytue]

Oh. About the immediate things. She is joint on his accounts and really does all the finances for him (they have always has separate accounts). She is going to the bank on Monday to check a few things. We don't think it's time to take all money from him, but it could be close.

[SusanBAnthony]

Could he be cash only? Or give him a prepaid visa, so that at least he can't do too much damage? That is really scary.

[ariel06]

DH's 92 year old grandma had a scam attempt from someone saying they were SS calling about her check. They insisted they needed her bank number. She gave it to them, but because of her eye sight gave them the wrong number. The scammer had the balls to call back and yell at her for giving the wrong numbers. DH's parents got her accounts all changed and she knows now to give any info over the phone.

[LoveTrains]

It sounds like these are real charities calling your father. While it is tough that he is not capable of making a sound decision about whether or not to donate, the best thing would be for someone to get on th ephone when they call and ask to be removed from the phone list. You can even say that he has diminished capacity.

I work in philanthropy and people tell us that - and we immediately remove them from our list. In fact, one of my $5,000+/year donors seemed totally confused when I called her this year, so I didn't ask her for the $5K+ that she gives every year, because it wouldn't have been right.

I just don't like the insinuation in this post that any non-profit that calls elderly people for donations is automatically a scam. It's probably a legit organization, and the callers might not necessarily realize that the person on the other end of the phone isn't capable of making a decision unless someone tells them.

[rubytue]

LoveTrains - I'm sorry. I don't mean to lump them all together. And I do acknowledge this may have been legit. However - I think this place uses bad tactics. Such as:
1 - blocking their called ID so it comes up "unknown name unknown number"
2 - calling 5 times in one week asking for $10-25 at a time
3 - refusing to mail any information.
4 - insisting that the donation had to be done at the time. Putting pressure on that they has to have a credit card right then or the donation wouldn't help (something about matching funds)
5 - yelling at my step mother when she got on the phone and tried to ask for more information
6 - insisting at they already had his authorization and step mom could not unauthorize the charge.
7 - refusing to give a organization name other than "democratic candidates"

Are those tactics a legit charity would use? This is why I originally asked for the link to the article, so I could compare what it said to what we witnessed.

[LoveTrains]

1 can be legit. Unfortunately my organization shows up as "blocked" or "unknown number" and we have been working with the phone companies for 3 years to fix this. They keep telling me its fixed, and then someone else says that it comes up on their cell phone as "blocked".

4 is legit, too, especially last week. Many organizations have deadlines of June 30, and I was running a special phonathon last week. If people made a gift with a credit card on the phone, right then, we would get a matching gift. Otherwise, no match.

The others are definitely suspect. Sorry you are having to deal with this.

[rubytue]

Thanks. It's good to know the 4 doesn't automatically mean a scam. But the whole thing didn't sit well with me.