Ok, I really can't decide

[anna7602]

Whether to get a doula or not. I wish I could just outsource big life decisions to some kind of life manager. Does such a thing exist? Isn't that why I come to the internet?

I am one of those flameful types who cares a whole lot about my birth experience. I want to labor med-free if possible and keep distractions to a minimum. The more calming, positive influences around me, the better. If anything unexpected comes up, particularly since everything with DD's birth went so smoothly, I don't know how I will react and could probably use someone to talk me off a ledge. Plus, I have a feeling DH will be distracted with figuring out how to hand-off DD and anything related to her.

On the other hand, I've done this already. DH was cool as a cucumber last time and gave me no reason to think that if I lose all sense of reason, he wouldn't remain calm and dependable. He is really good under pressure.

DH says it's really up to me. He liked our doula last time, but also says I was a rock star and can do this again without extra help if I don't think I need it.

I met with a doula this week whom I really liked. I liked her vibe, I liked her life outlook, I liked the sound of her voice and her zen presence. I haven't gotten that from anyone else I've talked to. So if I don't pick her, I won't continue searching for a doula. Out of courtesy for her and her schedule, I should tell her soon whether I plan to use her or not.

Oh, and FWIW, this one will come to my home AND the hospital. She has no problem getting to either place or coming to both.

So... yes? no?

UPDATE: Thanks for the input, everyone. You're all hired as life managers! I reached out to the doula this morning and told her I'd like to work with her. Now I am waiting for her response. I hope she liked me, too!

[curbsideprophet]

My vote is go for it. We have already hired the doula from DD's birth to be our doula again. Part of my decision was based on the fact that I want to attempt a water birth and having a second person to help set up the birth pool is highly recommended. I would sooner spend more money and not really need the doula than wish after the fact that I had hired one.

[rupertpenny]

If you found someone you like I would go ahead and book her. It will probably make you feel better.

That said, if you had an uncomplicated birth the first time I don't think there is any reason to expect problems this time.

[anna7602]

Feb 13, 2014 20:06:04 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

If you found someone you like I would go ahead and book her. It will probably make you feel better.

That said, if you had an uncomplicated birth the first time I don't think there is any reason to expect problems this time.

I have this nagging belief at the back of the mind that things can't possibly go perfectly twice. I realize I need to stop thinking this way, but there you have it.

[Deleted]

I, obviously, say do it. My second birth was a totally different ball game from #1. But ask for all your prenatal visits to be post-partum instead and see if she goes for it.

[greencrayon]

If you have the money and this is important to you, there's no reason not to.

[ryry]

I think you'll regret not going with her. I it sounds like you found someone who you really like and who makes you feel better about achieving the birth experience that you want. Go for it!

[mainelyfoolish]

It would have been a waste if it was me; my second baby was born after less than 4 hours of labor (and the first hour of that was me doubting I was actually in labor). Does she offer a refund if you have the baby before she is able to get to the hospital?

[Deleted]

Feb 13, 2014 20:14:01 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

If you have the money and this is important to you, there's no reason not to.

I agree with this. If you believe in Murphy's law you will probably have an easy labor with a doula, and vice versa. I'd pay for that.

[frlcb]

Absolutely get one. I had one for my second birth and I am SO glad I did, worth every penny.

[elocrates]

Feb 13, 2014 20:14:01 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

If you have the money and this is important to you, there's no reason not to.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Go for it!

[Velar Fricative]

I would say the fact that you're even thinking about it after an uneventful first birth with a doula means you should go for it. It sounds like you want one even though there are reasons you "think" you shouldn't want one, if I'm reading your post correctly. No harm in going for it.

[zeewifeandmama]

Yes. It's a regret of mine for my second. Do it!

[lolo]

Yes, 1000%!

[DarcyLongfellow]

The only downside I see is cost. I say do it -- you may regret it if you don't.

[Deleted]

Well, I think I've decided that I want to be a life manager when I grow up... that would be the best job ever.

[fromage]

Yes, do it. I had one with my first and had the med-free birth experience I'd hoped for. Decided not to have one for my second because I'd BTDT and thought I could hang without one. Nope. I can't be certain that my experience would have been different had I had a doula, but I do regret not giving myself all the chances I needed.

[winecheery]

I think you should go for it. The biggest reason why to me is that you describe needing someone to "talk you off a ledge" should anything arise unexpectedly, and I have heard doulas are exceptional at this kind of nurturing support you crave.

FWIW, I had a very lax approach to my birth experience in that I really didn't give a shit (though I was hopeful to avoid a c-section cuz they scare me) how DD came out of me, just that we both went home healthy. And I don't think it's flameworthy *at all* to want a more controlled or thought out approach. Labor and delivery is such a personal, raw moment, and if it helps you feel prepared to go in with a plan, do it!

[potatopie]

Feb 13, 2014 20:10:45 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

I have this nagging belief at the back of the mind that things can't possibly go perfectly twice. I realize I need to stop thinking this way, but there you have it.

This says it all. if you're going to anxious or nervous that something might go wrong, then just knowing that she will be there will keep you more relaxed in all the days/weeks leading up to delivery, not to mention on the day of.

[gibbinator]

If money is not a factor, then I see no downside to hiring her. At the very least you'll have the worry of not hiring her off your mind.

[AmyRI]

I think you should do it.

I wasn't dead set on a NB the first time around, but I was planning on not getting the epi because of my fear of needles. After doing it once, I was sure I'd go natural again the second time. I had switched to a midwife and thought that a doula would be unnecessary.

Then, when I hit 7cm, I was told DD was breech. My care got transferred to an OB. The midwife stepped in and acted as a doula. And let me tell you, the ONLY reason I maintained some level of composure was her presence. DH was still my rock, but he didn't know anything about vaginal breech births or how to handle the hospital staff or what to advocate for and against. The midwife did all of that for me - she made sure the doc didn't spoil the surprise of boy or girl. She made sure no one was coaching my pushing. She made sure the baby went right on my chest. She kept forcing me to change positions whenever I was struggling. I needed her support in that moment, and I got so lucky that she was there. The part of my labor she was there for was only a few hours, but it was just so damn intense.

You just never know what will happen. If you can afford the doula, get the doula.