So if your kindergarten teacher had an affair

[summer]

...with a parent, would you care?

Our kindergarten is split into 3 classes. The head teacher of all classes is also my kid's teacher. She's the teacher everyone wants for their kid, etc.

Welp, she got caught having an affair with the father of one of DD's classmates. The teacher was also besties with the mom and their kids always stayed at each other's homes.

Apparently, the parents have split, the child is still in DD's (and this teacher's) class and the teacher and father are apparently still seeing each other.

The parent association had a meeting and there is nothing about this conduct in her contract. Some parents want her gone and others think she is a great teacher and they don't care about this, and want her to stay.

Thought? Would you care?

[wise_rita]

That's a tough one. I think I'd want her punished more personally than professionally, if that makes sense. The affair wouldn't impact her ability to do the job, correct? But it is messed up that she's still teaching the student whose home she wrecked.

Is this a $$$ international school?

Tough case, and I'm not a parent so maybe that's why I'm not quick to come after her career with a pitch fork and torch.

[Deleted]

It would bother me not so much that she had an affair but that she had an affair with a current parent. That crosses boundaries.

[ringstrue]

I think she should be fired.

Eta: there is possibly something in her contract about conducting herself professionally. She definitely violated that. Frankly I find the argue meant that she's a good teacher pretty odd considering. How is she "good" if she can't maintain professional relationships with parents?!

[IIOY]

I feel as though I should have a strong opinion about this because of the ick factor, but I really don't. If she is competent and well-liked, I'm not sure she should lose her job over a personal issue.

The only thing giving me pause here is that the affair was with the father of a student, so it crosses over from being purely personal to partly professional; nevertheless, I'm still not convinced I'd want her gone. I may have a different opinion if I was actually in the thick of this, and I can't blame other parents for thinking there ought to be some sort of repercussion.

[rugbywife]

Unless someone could provide me evidence with regards to how she isn't doing her job properly as a result, I don't give a shit what she does after work. I mean, I would think less of her (and him) for their actions but not less of her as teacher. Believe it or not teachers are not perfect beings. Holding them accountable to fulfilling their roles as educators is one thing, making their employment based on things outside the classroom is another (unless that thing involves the law - and even then - I think it gets grey depending on the law being broken, but I could at least justify more than this - is adultery a crime?)

[stealthmom]

It would make me question her judgement. Like if she can do this, what other bad professional decisions is she making?

But I wouldn't expect anything to happen esp. At this point in the year.

I probably wouldn't want a future kid of mine in her class though.

[pamela]

The part that gets me is that the student affected, whose life is forever changed, is still under her direct control. That's not fair to the student. Unless the school has another way around that, she should be removed from that classroom. If that means she has to be demoted as head teacher, so be it.

[ringstrue]

Im curious as to how everyone knows this was conducted 100% outside the classroom/school.

[irishbride2]

Well teachers shouldn't sleep with parents in general. Whether any of the parties are married or not is irrelevant IMO.

[rugbywife]

Feb 16, 2014 7:42:46 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

Im curious as to how everyone knows this was conducted 100% outside the classroom/school.

I am curious as to how everyone knows that this was conducted AT ALL inside the classroom/school. Or why the children necessarily know the reason for the split or that there was an affair?  Is it typical to explain to children under the age of 5 the private details of one's marriage? I ask this genuinely…my parents never split, I have no experience on which to draw. 

Regardless, it is entirely possible that this didn't affect anything going on in the classroom in any way. Frankly, he doesn't really have a lot of reason to be in the classroom, other than maybe volunteering. Unless they were making out behind the cubbies while the kids made macaroni crafts I really don't' get how it matters. 

[bigoleworm]

Feb 16, 2014 7:47:36 GMT -5 irishbride2 said:

Well teachers shouldn't sleep with parents in general. Whether any of the parties are married or not is irrelevant IMO.

My friend teaches her own daughter in public school. She sleeps with her husband who is the daughters father.

(I'm not comparing that to an affair, thw affair was wrong and gross. I was just pointing out an instance where the above statement is a bad generalization)

[irishbride2]

Feb 16, 2014 8:03:03 GMT -5 bigoleworm said:

Feb 16, 2014 7:47:36 GMT -5 irishbride2 said:

Well teachers shouldn't sleep with parents in general. Whether any of the parties are married or not is irrelevant IMO.

My friend teaches her own daughter in public school. She sleeps with her husband who is the daughters father.

(I'm not comparing that to an affair, thw affair was wrong and gross. I was just pointing out an instance where the above statement is a bad generalization)

Sorry. I assumed that to be an obvious one. I didn't think I had to point that out, but thanks Another would be if you had already been dating someone and then taught their child, although most schools would try to put that child in another class. 

In all schools I've ever taught, they try their best to make sure parents do not teach their own kids. At my current school I will have to as I'm the only math teacher in 8th grade. But in most public schools there is more than one teacher.

[IIOY]

Since this thread is already spiraling, I will just say that I would have died if my own mother had been my teacher, and twice if my teacher was my own father.

[rugbywife]

Feb 16, 2014 8:10:42 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Since this thread is already spiraling, I will just say that I would have died if my own mother had been my teacher, and twice if my teacher was my own father.

We have six teachers at my school who are also parents of children in the school. Only one of them has to teach his own children - the music teacher because his son is in grade 6 and his daughter is in grade 7 and he is the 5-8 music teacher.  The rest of them don't actually teach their kids and since we are a big school and have more than one class per grade it would be avoidable, but in many areas with smaller schools it wouldn't be.

[bigoleworm]

I was being silly, but that can't be conveyed via Internet.

My school is departmentalized from fourth grade on and many teachers gave kids in our school. My friend I was writing about has five kids, and has the first one this year. She is the only science teacher on our grade level so it's just her.

The principal has kids in our school too. It's a strange place I work.

We did have two teachers have an affair a couple of years ago. Both married and both divorced. They are now married to each other and miserable.
It was the talk of town for years, but no one lost their jobs over it.

[vanillacourage]

Feb 16, 2014 7:34:03 GMT -5 pamela said:

The part that gets me is that the student affected, whose life is forever changed, is still under her direct control. That's not fair to the student. Unless the school has another way around that, she should be removed from that classroom. If that means she has to be demoted as head teacher, so be it.

Agree. Kindergarteners are old enough to realize that mom and dad aren't together anymore, and now dad is dating Miss X, and the two are probably related. I can only imagine how devastated my DS1 (who is in K) would be if DH and I split, and to have to spend all day with the person who was partially responsible would be further traumatizing. I would want her fired for not having the personal or professional maturity to see that and avoid the situation (by waiting until the school year was over to date).

I would feel differently if the kid were in a different class, or if this were the art teacher or whatever vs. the kid 's main teacher.

[NewOrleans]

I do not believe in punishing people professionally for what they do personally.

[leshoequeen]

Feb 16, 2014 8:52:13 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

I do not believe in punishing people professionally for what they do personally.

This.

However I do feel for the mom of the student who really is in an awkward situation if she wants to communicate with her child's teacher. I wouldn't trust that the teacher could effectively communicate with me if I were her. That's where the line has been crossed.

[rugbywife]

My favourite part in all of this is that he is the 'adulterer' and yet she is the one that will lose her job. Pretty typical. That Scarlett letter A still burns brightly in 2014.

It amazes me when people hold teacher to higher standards than any other role in our society and yet pay shit and constantly tell them they aren't good enough.

[irishbride2]

Feb 16, 2014 8:52:13 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

I do not believe in punishing people professionally for what they do personally.

I know that its not in this case, but even if is is illegal? Or even it could carry over? What if a white teacher in a mostly black school posted extremely racist tweets, for example? 



Yes, we are moving off topic

[irishbride2]

Feb 16, 2014 8:10:42 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Since this thread is already spiraling, I will just say that I would have died if my own mother had been my teacher, and twice if my teacher was my own father.

Oh imagine my poor kids. There might be nothing worse than having your mom all up in your business as your teacher in 8th grade. 

[IIOY]

Feb 16, 2014 9:03:13 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

My favourite part in all of this is that he is the 'adulterer' and yet she is the one that will lose her job. Pretty typical. That Scarlett letter A still burns brightly in 2014.

It amazes me when people hold teacher to higher standards than any other role in our society and yet pay shit and constantly tell them they aren't good enough.

TBF, there are many jobs in which a personal relationship with a client is forbidden or at least warrants your removal from the professional situation.

[IIOY]

Feb 16, 2014 9:07:59 GMT -5 tillie said:

It also amazes me how up in teachers s**t parents are these days. Is the Parent's Association that should be determining if this is outside of her contract (I am asking, I really don't know). I would think this would be more for the Principal/School Committee to meet about and determine.

Summer is overseas, which may account for this. I can't imagine a parents' org would have this level of involvement in an American school.

[rugbywife]

Feb 16, 2014 9:07:46 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Feb 16, 2014 9:03:13 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

My favourite part in all of this is that he is the 'adulterer' and yet she is the one that will lose her job. Pretty typical. That Scarlett letter A still burns brightly in 2014.

It amazes me when people hold teacher to higher standards than any other role in our society and yet pay shit and constantly tell them they aren't good enough.

TBF, there are many jobs in which a personal relationship with a client is forbidden or at least warrants your removal from the professional situation.

Absolutely. I would presume in those cases there would be a) protocol/contract terms that outline this and/or b) a manner in which it could be determined how the personal relationship is negatively impacting the ability of the employee to complete his/her job properly.

I don't think it should be left up to a bunch of moms on the PTA who are now insecure because they think their husband will be her next conquest. (I say this at least partially in jest, but only partially, because Summer's post indicated that up until this incident, she was the teacher that people requested. This means her TEACHING is probably good, that should mean something since that is what her most impactful (not a word) role is.

[ttt]

Feb 16, 2014 9:00:49 GMT -5 leshoequeen said:

Feb 16, 2014 8:52:13 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

I do not believe in punishing people professionally for what they do personally.

This.

However I do feel for the mom of the student who really is in an awkward situation if she wants to communicate with her child's teacher. I wouldn't trust that the teacher could effectively communicate with me if I were her. That's where the line has been crossed.

This is what I am thinking. How can you possibly have an effective relationship with a parent whose marriage you helped destroy?

At the very least the child needs to be transferred to someone else's class.

[josieposy]

Feb 16, 2014 9:00:49 GMT -5 leshoequeen said:

Feb 16, 2014 8:52:13 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

I do not believe in punishing people professionally for what they do personally.

This.

However I do feel for the mom of the student who really is in an awkward situation if she wants to communicate with her child's teacher. I wouldn't trust that the teacher could effectively communicate with me if I were her. That's where the line has been crossed.

This is where I was thinking as well. The kid needs to be moved to a new class where both parents can talk to the teacher freely.

[msmerymac]

Feb 16, 2014 4:58:53 GMT -5 wise_rita said:

That's a tough one. I think I'd want her punished more personally than professionally, if that makes sense. The affair wouldn't impact her ability to do the job, correct? But it is messed up that she's still teaching the student whose home she wrecked.

Is this a $$$ international school?

Tough case, and I'm not a parent so maybe that's why I'm not quick to come after her career with a pitch fork and torch.

Because she was 100% at fault?  ^o)

[msmerymac]

To play devil's advocate, unlike having an affair with, say, the spouse of a coworker, the child of the man she had an affair with will no longer be her student at the end of the year.

Oh, I would certainly listen to an argument that they should have kept it in their pants until June, or, well, not had extramarital affairs at all, but this somewhat unprofessional situation will really rectify itself.

So I'm in the camp of MYOB.

[irishbride2]

Rugby: in regards to your scarlet letter comment, I will say (anecdote alert) that the only teachers I have personally known this to happen to have been men

I have no doubt it affects women more since they make up more of the profession, but I don't think this is a woman thing. Its a teacher thing.

But I agree that it should have been in the contract. Do we know it isn't? (Did I miss that part?) I know many jobs have such a clause about maintaing professional relationships with clients in and out of the workplace.