BFing is stressing me out, thinking to EP (long)

[sent]

DD was born 7 weeks early.  I EPed the first 2 weeks she was in the hospital and 2 weeks after she came home.  We met with an LC at week 4, did a weighted feed, and have been feeding with a nipple shield since then.  She has also been observed by the visiting nurse twice in our home.  All 3 of these times, she fed like a champ.  Twenty minutes at the breast, came off satisfied, went straight into sweet slumber.  But when it's just me and her, it's a different story.  She pops off after 4 minutes.  She acts like she is done feeding after 10 minutes so I put her in the RNP and then starts screaming of hunger after 15 minutes.  As of last week, I think we are both frustrated.  She was nursing all the time and crying all the time.  I was crying because she was crying.  I was also getting stressed because I don't know how much she is eating or if she is getting enough with her popping off and pretending like she's done so often.  So I stopped nursing and moved back to EP for a few days just to track how much her intake is.  So far the last 2 days, she has been drinking 19 oz and I have been pumping about 24.  She's also been much happier and sleeping better.  In the midst of all of this, she had some bad reflux reactions and got started on baby Zantac last week too, so that is probably also contributing to the calm baby.  

I know they need to cluster feed and nurse a lot to help the body build supply, but I can't take the constant baby on the boob. I don't feel snuggles when she lays on the Brest Friend pillow while I prop her head up.  I get stressed knowing that I have to strap on the pillow and find the nipple shield or else she can't eat.  I actually feel snuggles when I can look at her face while she takes the bottle.  I like that my husband and her grandmas can help feed her with the bottle.  I never had any aspirations of "Breast is best" and so on.  I really only fell into BFing because the hospital encouraged that a preemie can go home sooner if they get BM.  I have made peace with pumping and supplementing as I need to as she grows.  I am going to try this routine for 2 weeks until her next pedi appointment and discuss it with her pedi.  My job is very part time and very flexible so I can pump fine at work.

I called my BRU and they have a Medela symphony available to rent so I am going to pick one up on my way home to see if that helps my output.  I have been pumping with the Medela Advanced Personal or whatever the insurance version is called and I feel like it is already losing its suction after being used so much over the last 10 weeks.

Just looking for word of advice or encouragement.  

[Deleted]

You can do whatever you want, obviously. Breastfeeding will get easier as you go. Pumping won't. How long you can pump and meet/exceed her needs is impossible to predict; some women make it to a year. Most don't, as they either respond more poorly to the pump over time or just get tired of pumping and stop. How you feel about that is your business, but know it going in.

Breatfeeding is a personal journey. Some women connect to it and take it on as part of their identity and experience (which is me) and some don't.

[mudslide]

I don't have advice really. Mainly commiseration. My daughter was 6 weeks early. Breast feeding exclusively never worked for us. I'm still pumping and she's almost 10 months old. I've almost lost my milk numerous times due to clogged ducts.

[cilantro]

I just wanted to say, it sounds like you are doing great! I'm impressed by your pumping output. A lot of this is so personal, there's no right or wrong answer. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[mudslide]

Webb

[miesl]

I EPed for 14 months. DD and DS were almost 7 weeks early. DS had swallowing/apnea issues. I could get DD to BF, but not DS. I had 4 LCs try to help, and it just was not working (no matter what we tried, breast was not best for him - he would rather have slept on mommy than eat, and when he did want to eat he choked). We wanted him home, and pumping got us there. Once home, I couldn't handle trying to get DD to BF and then still pump for DS (and pump so I could fortify some milk)... so EPing was easier. I made it 9 mo before I didn't have enough supply for both (at my peak, I was pumping over 50oz a day). It was HARD, but not having BFed, I'm sure that is also hard, but in a different way.

I went the whole time on my Medela PIS. I liked the Symphony, so I used that in the NICU. Make sure you get the right size flange parts. Things went so much better once I got the bigger ones. This will undoubtedly make people cringe... but 20-30 min sessions with massage worked for me (lefty didn't work so swell, so it was 75% from righty). I let down every ~8-10 min. So, I would stop after #3.

Once I got over the "pump all the time" stuff at the start (doing 20min sessions), I was able to go longer between. Pumping 5x a day. It's all up to how it works for you. Pumping DID get easier for me. I pumped when I woke up, twice during the workday (which even a BFer would need to do), once before I left for home, and before bed.

[stealthmom]

I feel you. Ds was early and does not bf well yet. I almost ep. He bf about twice a day but I still give him bottles after that. He also was feeding much better in the hospital than now. I have an appt. With a lc on the 28th.

The only reason I'm not giving up on bf is that I have the benefit of hindsight with ds1. I bf him for 20 mos. It was hard at first but got easy. And i know if I hold on it will be that easy this time too. Or at least that is my hope.

If the idea is to ep can you pump then try bfing a few times a day? Even once? And if it doesn't work just give the bottle you would have given. And make another appt. With the lc IF you want to keep trying.

If you don't that's fine. It's okay if you want to stop.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Do whatever will make you happy -- happy mom = happy baby.

Just know that breastfeeding WILL get easier. It sounds like you've got a great supply and she's able to transfer milk -- so you look to be set upmfor success, if you decide to do it.

I never felt snuggly, warm feelings of overwhelming love when nursing a newborn. I don't think many women do. Nursing a newborn means painful nipples, a baby who is still learning how to latch, never ending nursing sessions when all you want is to just be alone with your own body for a hot damn minute, and stressing about whether you're doing it right.

The sweet, snuggly nursing moments come later. And they aren't all the time -- I nurse my 8 month old probably 12 times a day still. I'm on my iPad the majority of that time, not gazing adoringly at her.

As for the nipple shield, I used it the whole 2+ years I nursed DD1. It's a bit of a pain to always have to have one, but you get used to it and it's not so bad. Or you figure out how to nurse without it.

The cluster feeding is hard for everyone. If you want to keep nursing, there are ways to make those sessions manageable.

If you really want to give her breast milk, I'd really try to nurse and not EP because pumping is a HUGE PITA. It seems easier at first, but in the long run it's much harder.

If you just want to give her some breast milk and you're okay with switching to formula when necessary, then don't feel guilty about it! The most important thing is feeding the baby, not *what* you feed her :-)

[Deleted]

I just want to say there is nothing wrong with EP'ing if that is your choice. I delivered at a pro BF hospital and when I told them I was not interested in BF only EP'ing they basically laughed and told me I won't make it more than a few months. I pumped for a yr and had over 3k oz of BM stashed. Way over and had enough to donate over 1k oz and feed my son exclusively BM until he was 18 months.

Do what is best for YOU!

[sporklemotion]

I'm pretty much EBF, so I don't know if I can help, but I can relate to you, because the cluster feeding and comfort nursing almost did me in. I wanted to BF but was not sure if it would work, and I was fine with that. I am cheap and figured I would try it. It has gotten better, starting at about 9 weeks (she is 11 weeks now). I don't use a shield and, while I use a Boppy, I can manage without it, but I can see how these things make the whole process cumbersome, and I know that preemies can have a tough time.

We do one bottle a day (more if I am out more), and I try to pump when I can. Initially, I was super stressed because she was attached to me so much that I couldn't pump; for the last week or so, that has gotten better. I have also gotten better at waiting for a second round of feeding before moving her off me-- I was moving her when she would first fall asleep, and she would invariably wake up 10-15 minutes later.

I stuck it out mainly because I heard that EP was really tough and I wasn't quite ready to go to formula-- I wanted to get through flu season if I could. I am glad I did. It sounds like EP might work for you, so I don't want to discourage you. That said, I might suggest you not ditch BF entirely, because I did find it got easier. We do a bottle at night because that was when she was insatiable-- now, I nurse for a bit, but we use a bottle to get her filled up efficiently. Maybe you could choose your least frustrating time of day and BF then, but do bottles other times? If you don't want to do it or wait it out, I would just bag it-- you have to do whatever fits you best.

[sent]

Thank you for your stories. There are some great ideas here. I am attending a Mommy and Baby lactation group this week and I may meet with the LC again. I'm not quite ready to give up, hence the return to pumping, but I needed a break. I may try to put her at the breast again. She seems to almost be falling into a schedule which makes me really happy because the completely unpredictable nature of the newborn was really driving me crazy. And with her being a preemie, it's like I brought her home and got 5 bonus weeks of a newborn.

Her grandmas are both coming this week and I know they will be delighted to feed her. A few weeks ago I found this Medela set of like 12 bottles and 25 freezer bags on super clearance at Target and picked them up on a hunch. They have come in handy now. I do use the larger flanges and I have 3 sets of flanges and valves. The one household chore my husband loves doing is dishes so luckily I don't have to worry about having clean parts on hand. I have about 200 oz in the freezer and am swapping out bottles and adding to it while I can.

I am going to start the tricks to increase my supply this week beginning with Brewer's yeast. I already eat 1 serving of steel cut oatmeal every morning but I can add a second serving later in the day.

And I need to get a hands free bra. I do massage while I pump, but I'd like to try hands free and see what happens.

[degal99]

Feb 17, 2014 17:14:44 GMT -5 sent said:

And I need to get a hands free bra. I do massage while I pump, but I'd like to try hands free and see what happens.

Get one as soon as you can!  It really made a huge difference in my response to pumping, both physically and emotionally.

[ijack]

I EP'd for 4 months before we were able to BF (I too had a preemie - 29w). BFing took a lot of work for both of us, but I don't regret the time spent at all because it was a lot more portable. Obviously you should do whatever you feel works for your family, but BFing can get easier

[stealthmom]

Feb 17, 2014 17:21:32 GMT -5 degal99 said:

Feb 17, 2014 17:14:44 GMT -5 sent said:

And I need to get a hands free bra. I do massage while I pump, but I'd like to try hands free and see what happens.

Get one as soon as you can!  It really made a huge difference in my response to pumping, both physically and emotionally.

yes! Once I my bra pumping almost didn-t suck.

[runblondie26]

I prefer EP'ing, so I say go for it and don't look back.

I like knowing how much my babies are getting each feeding, the feedings go faster, and DH can do more of them.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[cricketwife]

I'm still too deep in the trenches of this to give you any useful advice myself. I just wanted to send you hugs. I know it's hard.

[Deleted]

Am I reading it right that your DD is 10 weeks (with an adjusted age of 3 weeks)? I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is still so early. So much can change in the coming weeks.

I don't have any advice, but I will share my experiences.

With DD it was a struggle to BF from day 1. Toe curling pain, significant weight loss, trouble latching, her getting frustrated, etc. The only thing that wasn't a problem was my supply. I finally switched to EPing @ 12 weeks and it was a HUGE relief. I continued to EP until 6 months when I introduced formula, and fully transitioned @ 7 months. I regret nothing from DD. I did what I could to try to breastfeed, neither of us were happy, and she got the benefits of breastmilk until 6 months. EPing is exhausting though. I was DONE @ 7 mos.

DS BFing was so much easier. I still had awful pain, but ditched the shield somewhere between 4 and 6 weeks and by 10 weeks it was bearable. I am still going (pumping for work only) @ 7.5 months. I bought formula, thought I was going to switch 2 weeks ago when my supply dipped, but it rebounded and I kept going. Not having to pump on the weekends gives me a break and makes it not so hard to pump for work. Nursing is so much easier than bottles and both of us enjoy the snuggles (and I still use some sort of pillow because DS is a beast and too heavy to hold). I have had a totally different experience this time. But rather than make me feel sad that I "missed" something with DD, it made me realize that it was unlikely to ever have been that easy with DD, or at least in a way that I could have handled as a first time mom.

There's no one right answer here. You need to do what you think will make YOU happiest. Happy mommy=happy baby.

[crazycakes]

Feb 17, 2014 15:55:31 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

You can do whatever you want, obviously. Breastfeeding will get easier as you go. Pumping won't. How long you can pump and meet/exceed her needs is impossible to predict; some women make it to a year. Most don't, as they either respond more poorly to the pump over time or just get tired of pumping and stop. How you feel about that is your business, but know it going in.

Breatfeeding is a personal journey. Some women connect to it and take it on as part of their identity and experience (which is me) and some don't.

I agree with this. 

My DD was born 9 weeks early so I pretty much EPed for 6 weeks while she was in the hospital. We tried BFing but it was hard during that time as she was so small and sleepy. Plus they wouldn't discharge her until she was eating her bottles, so that's what we focused on. Once she came home, I worked really hard to get her on the breast. It took some time. Every feed, I would try to nurse. If either one of us got frustrated or she was too sleepy, I would offer a bottle afterwards. As she grew larger and stronger, BFing started to get easier. Eventually she was eating enough at the breast and didn't need the bottles. 

I wish I could remember how long it took. It seemed like forever at the time, but in retrospect it was probably only a few weeks. So she was probably around her due date when BFing finally "clicked." No we almost exclusively breastfeed (she gets a bottle of pumped milk when DH or my mom are with her and I'm out). It is so easy now. DD is 8 months old (6 months adjusted). 

I am so glad I stuck it out. I hate pumping. There is no way I would have stuck with EPing long term. I even hate doing it now on the rare occasion I miss a couple of feedings and need to pump. I would encourage you to at least try nursing a few times a day even if you're primarily feeding bottles. Don't let it stress you out - just think of it as practice. If she eats, great. If not, that's okay too. You can follow up with a bottle. Try again next time.

And if it doesn't work for you, that's okay too. Lots of moms EP, lots of moms supplement BF or pumped milk with formula, and lots of moms FF. As long as you're feeding your kid, it's okay. Do what works for you. Happy mom, happy baby. 

[sent]

Feb 17, 2014 20:03:26 GMT -5 BirdGirl said:

Am I reading it right that your DD is 10 weeks (with an adjusted age of 3 weeks)? I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is still so early. So much can change in the coming weeks.

Yes she is 10 weeks old, 3 weeks adjusted.

I picked up the Medela Symphony rental tonight.  I went to BRU which is always chaos so it took them 45 minutes to locate and process the machine.  
 
Thanks again for sharing all of your stories.  

[Brie]

Happy mama, happy baby. Do what works for you. You're doing awesome.

[oregonpachey]

I EPd so if you ever have any questions let me know. I think you are doing great! Those early weeks are rough.

[Deleted]

Feb 18, 2014 10:07:15 GMT -5 littlespitfire said:

However, I also wanted to echo what some other posters have mentioned- it is still really early for you and your daughter, considering her adjusted age. My expectations of BFing were that I'd see some improvement in sore and scabby nips at around 2 weeks and that I'd turn a corner on BFing as a whole at about 6 weeks. When that didn't happen, it was a mindfuck for me. I have learned since that it can take much longer to turn that corner. So, expectations play a part and adjusting yours might change things.

This was SO true for both of my kids. It took so long I couldn't imagine it getting better, and then it did. I am really not pushing one way or another, but if making it to six months or more is important to you, I would keep at it a little longer.