Do you have a will/guardianship set up?

[shaynaatl]

One of the last items on our baby to-do list is to set up a will & guardianship plan.  Do you have one?  If so, did you use software or did you use an attorney? 

[anna7602]

We have to update ours. The whole guardianship question is a big one. It took us forever to decide on guardians for DD and now I feel like we're back to square one because it's evaluating who can take on TWO children.

We will use an attorney, although I am not wild about the one who drew up our original will. This is still on my to-do list.

[Deleted]

We used an attorney friend who did it for free. We took her out for an expensive dinner and gave her $150 as a "gift" for her help.

[blushing]

We have one set up. And we won't need to change it as it states all future children.

My BFF and her DH will become guardians of our children. With BFF and DH's cousin (who lives local to BFF) executer of estate. We chose BFF and her DH because they live in the UK, are bringing up their kids with similar values to us and are in a stable marriage. They also financially stable and have space in their home. They are done having kids too. And they agreed to be DS's guardian. She is also DS's godmother.

I know that the grandparents are upset that they are not the named guardians, but DS only knows life in England. If we named them guardians then he would need to move back to SA and that would be too much change.

We went through an attorney. It was actually a groupon that we bought as we just wanted a basic will and then we were shocked at how in depth they went.

[Odonata]

ohhh man. I never even thought of this. So much to do!

[MrsDarcy]

Yes, we have one. It names all future children as well, so we're covered. We didn't get it done before our first was born, but did before my H and I took a big trip without our son.

[VillainV]

We definitely need to update our will. We're lucky -- being military, this is a free service provided by the base legal office. They can't do anything super-complicated, but they can whip out a basic will, guardianship, and living will plus health care power of attorney pretty quickly, and for free.

But yeah, we definitely need to discuss guardianship and set something up.

[loira]

We will set one up, but possibly not until after mini-loira is here. My uncle is a lawyer and will probably be able to do this for us, but blushing pointed out an interesting conundrum - I'm not sure there's anyone here I feel comfortable asking to be guardians. We have some very good friends here, and I'm sure they would bring the wee one up nicely, but it's a very big thing to ask. I suspect we will name my parents for now and reevaluate in a couple of years. We are seriously considering moving back to Canada anyway.

[blushing]

Feb 24, 2014 15:41:55 GMT -5 loira said:

We will set one up, but possibly not until after mini-loira is here. My uncle is a lawyer and will probably be able to do this for us, but blushing pointed out an interesting conundrum - I'm not sure there's anyone here I feel comfortable asking to be guardians. We have some very good friends here, and I'm sure they would bring the wee one up nicely, but it's a very big thing to ask. I suspect we will name my parents for now and reevaluate in a couple of years. We are seriously considering moving back to Canada anyway.

We had said that my mom would be guardian until DS turned 5 years old and was in school. We felt before 5 years old he would be ok with changing countries, but once he reached 5 years old he would be used the way of life here and have his own friends. It worked for us. And I never even knew my BFF when I was pregnant with DS. I met her at my post natal depression group. We bonded over that. You do meet new people once LO is here.

Hope I am making sense.

[blushing]

Also loira, if you are still living in the UK then you will need a UK will for it to be recognised by the UK law. We never knew this until we had ours done. The UK law do not recognise our wills we set up in South Africa.

[heygrey]

we're in the process of finalizing ours. all the decisions made and a lawyer is drafting the documents.

i'm really not comfortable using an online template thing for something this big. i want an airtight legal document to help my child and extended family navigate what will undoubtedly be the absolute lowest point in their lives. something done online may or may not hold up in court and i would be devastated to think of the court or a rogue family member contesting our wishes.

[loira]

Thanks, blushing! Yes, that makes a lot of sense. Good point about children being less established before they hit school age.

We haven't decided for sure yet, but I'm very much leaning towards moving back to Canada, the reason being that we haven't even built up any points on our current visas here (even after 4 years) because they are Tier4, and even though the process is longer and more involved, it may just be easier for H to immigrate to Canada as opposed to all 3 of us trying to stay in the UK (he is American, not a UK citizen either).

[hillarywhitney]

We don't have one, but really need to get one.

[SJ]

We do not, but I emailed our lawyer and he seemed to think we could do it after she was born. It's on my Google calendar for late July!

[smock]

It's on our to do list, and luckily we already know who we want to be guardians. I was under the impression that we had to wait until after baby is born (I guess because she doesn't have a name yet?) but it sounds like you can just specify "all children" without giving them names? I guess that means we should stop procrastinating!

[pixiedust]

We set up wills and a living revocable trust while TTC. It includes provisions (incl guardianship) for any future children. We used a lawyer, and he said to just let them know any new details in the future and they could be written in (name of a child, updated address, etc.). But that info wasn't actually needed to set it up or have it be valid--there are even clauses related to future grandchildren.

[saltypearl]

I have let people know my wishes regarding my estate and children, from both sides of our family.
That said I will be drawing up the paper work in the next 4 weeks.

I can not stress how important this is. My DH passed when I was 18 weeks pregnant and without a will. It is hard enough for a spouse left to deal with all the paper work having to be done with a great family like he has, but if they weren't my DD and future DS and myself would be in serious straights.
Please take care of this prior to the birth of your child. You can never know when your last day will be!

[VillainV]

Feb 24, 2014 22:29:58 GMT -5 saltypearl said:

I have let people know my wishes regarding my estate and children, from both sides of our family.
That said I will be drawing up the paper work in the next 4 weeks.

I can not stress how important this is. My DH passed when I was 18 weeks pregnant and without a will. It is hard enough for a spouse left to deal with all the paper work having to be done with a great family like he has, but if they weren't my DD and future DS and myself would be in serious straights.
Please take care of this prior to the birth of your child. You can never know when your last day will be!

Completely seconded.  I lost my first husband when we were 26 -- no kids involved, but thank God he had a will.  It made probate really straightforward.  There were some issues with his parents (we haven't been on speaking terms since he passed) and it would have been hell to deal with if he hadn't had a will stating his wishes.  

Also, I have come to find that my own parents have NEVER had a will or any kind of document stating their wishes for guardianship when my sister and I were growing up.  I am PISSED that they would have potentially put us in a situation where we were at the mercy of the law (of whatever state we happened to be living in at the time) if they had ever passed while we were growing up.  They still don't have a will, despite my pleading.  Heaven help my sister or I if/when they pass.  It is for this reason alone that OUR will won't specify my parents for guardianship of this, or any future child.  

[bowies]

saltypearl, I'm so sorry for your loss.

This is something we've just started thinking about, and it's inspired me to check out my benefits to see if this service is provided via my workplace (I have a vague recollection that we may get a discount on this). While H and I know each other's wishes regarding EOL decisions, we're struggling with guardianship. H didn't have a great childhood so his parents are out, plus he's an only child. My parents are aging, and while I have a sibling, he's on the spectrum. This means we'll need to reach to friends, but there aren't any great choices there either. Our friends with kids have a lot of kids, and our childless friends are that way by choice. My BFF and her H seem like the only option, but I struggle with that too. I'd let her raise my kids in a heartbeat, but I'm not so sure about her H. He has some pretty extreme views that we don't want passed on to our kids.

Ugh. This is hard. I need to make some more mom friends.