H started a new job today. For his old job, he used to work 6:30-3:15. Now he'll be working 8:30-5.
He used to leave the apartment before I got up, so we never saw each other in the morning. It worked, beacuse I am not a pleasant person in the morning, and I loved/needed that time to myself.
This morning was the first time we got ready together. We have a small bathroom, and logistically everything was fine, but I was irritated as hell that my morning routine was disrupted.
How do you manage mornings with your SO, especially if you are not a morning person? My normal method is glares and silence, but that's probably not sustainable.
Maybe get up a little earlier, disappear to a separate part of the house to have coffee or do what you need to do to wake up?
I think no matter what you do, change is always a little hard. You're bound to feel somewhat less irritated once this is the new 'normal' rather than just...new.
Prep day prior, and stagger the times you need the bathroom or leave the door open so the other can use the shower. DH and I prep at the same time before work, never had an issue.
Before having that though, it was a matter of staggering times - I get up super early, DH sleeps in - and doing some things in a different room. Like I have a little vanity/makeup table in the bedroom so I can shower, then go put on makeup while DH has free reign of the bathroom. I can dry my hair in the bedroom instead of the bathroom, etc.
I thiiink we have the shower situation down. He showers and does what he needs to do, then I get in while he's getting dressed.
It was more that I enjoy a little snooze with the kitties in the morning, and he came in and was like "Time to get up and get in the shower!!". NO, TIME TO SNOOZE WITH THE KITTIES NOT GET IN THE SHOWER.
I am not used to interacting with people until I get to work.
I think it's important to pause, and remind yourself that your mood should not impact someone else. Try and force yourself to smile, and be nice. I never used to be friendly in the morning - until I moved in with my husband. (Boyfriend at the time.) I quickly realized it wasn't fair to him, and I needed to attempt to change my morning attitude.
I would chat with him about your routine. Is there part of the routine you would prefer to do without being disturbed so you have a few minutes of "you" time? For instance - maybe he can promise not to talk to you while you shower, or give you space while you eat breakfast, etc. The morning shouldn't revolve around you needing a ton of space, though.
I thiiink we have the shower situation down. He showers and does what he needs to do, then I get in while he's getting dressed.
It was more that I enjoy a little snooze with the kitties in the morning, and he came in and was like "Time to get up and get in the shower!!". NO, TIME TO SNOOZE WITH THE KITTIES NOT GET IN THE SHOWER.
I am not used to interacting with people until I get to work.
I think you need to chat about what your routine has been, and what may need to change (some interaction), vs tings you don't want to change (snuggle time with the cats).
If you're sharing space, a bathroom, and getting ready at the same time, you can't get around interaction with him. It's natural to say "hey I'm done with the shower, your turn", etc.
If you just need some "waking up time", I think he should respect that. But I also don't think it's fair to be a grumpy pants to him because he's there and getting ready.
Like slug said- you'll probably feel a bit better about it once it becomes the norm rather than new.
DH and I don't get ready at the same time. In fact, I leave for work before he's usually awake. Now, though, we usually get ready around the same time. We just stagger the shower times. I don't do makeup or my hair in the bathroom so that helps a lot.
Ditto Cloudbee, time to adjust to your new life. Your mood is a completely separate issue from bathroom logistics. Being a grouch every morning is going to make things miserable for both of you. Maybe you need to start going to bed earlier?
It was more that I enjoy a little snooze with the kitties in the morning, and he came in and was like "Time to get up and get in the shower!!". NO, TIME TO SNOOZE WITH THE KITTIES NOT GET IN THE SHOWER.
Aah...that would've annoyed me, too. You know when you need to get up. Obviously you've made it to work on time a billion times w/o him, yes?
I think that's pretty easily addressed. Just lay out for him what you want. We've had a change in schedule recently and DH has been awesome about letting me have a few minutes to myself in the morning.
Ditto Cloudbee, time to adjust to your new life. Your mood is a completely separate issue from bathroom logistics. Being a grouch every morning is going to make things miserable for both of you. Maybe you need to start going to bed earlier?
That's the other thing we're going to need to get used to. H needs much less sleep than I do, but when he was getting up at 4:45, we were going to bed at the same time. Now he doesn't need to get up until 6, so he can stay up later, whereas I need that extra sleep.
This whole thing is going to be an adjustment, I just don't want to make it a miserable one. I need to check myself before I wreck myself.
Post by aerowife2010 on Jul 9, 2012 8:41:09 GMT -5
DH is usually at work by the time I get up in the mornings. The few times that he does drive into work instead of taking the van-pool are an adjustment since my first interaction talking to people isn't usually until 2 1/2 hours after I wake up. We're fine sharing the bathroom since I have my side and he has his, but he knows now that I won't stand there having a 1/2 hour conversation while I get ready.
How do you manage mornings with your SO, especially if you are not a morning person? My normal method is glares and silence, but that's probably not sustainable.
This is pretty much how our mornings go. I shower at night so I don't need a lot of time to get ready. I usually just get up when DH gets out of the shower (he takes FOREVER). Now it is the summer and he is going to bed late and sleeping late, which makes me even more grumpy in the the AM.
We are weird and love taking showers together. It's seldom a sex thing for us. We just hang out and talk, lol. I have no clue how we started this. We've done it for as long as I can remember, and we get a little sad now when our schedules don't let us shower together.
And after the shower, he has basically no bathroom prep time beyond deodorant, so we never have a conflict there.
I'm not much help. We work at the same company (different buildings) and I'm so not a morning person to the extent that I will sleep in for another 1-2 hours after he's gotten up and left even though carpooling would probably save us $100/month on gas. That definitely helps our bathroom situation!
Even before that when we lived in apartments we had two bathrooms. But the few rare times we have to get up at the same time showering at night helps, because then there is less of a fight for space in the morning. I'll also tend to maybe get up at the same time he does, but go do something else - breakfast, email, fuss about tidying up, just so I can have some alone time so I don't rip his head off for something stupid.
I know people have said, "Don't make your morning grumpiness his problem" but OMG that is so much easier said and done when you are not a morning person! Luckily my H isn't really a morning person either, because if he was chipper in the mornings there is no way I wouldn't bludgeon him with something. I hate chipper morning people!
We have very different routines. We both get up at 5, but that's where the similarity ends. He shaves, gets into his PT gear, and then heads downstairs to drink some water and surf the net until he leaves for work.
I get into my workout stuff, and am out the door minutes after I wake up. By the time I get back from the gym, he's gone, and by the time he returns from PT, I'm done getting ready, and am usually eating breakfast before I start work.
We have separate bathrooms which help a ton. I'm not a morning person either but I've learned that I'm much friendlier after my shower and I do my hair. So we basically don't talk before then and I almost always initiate conversation. We never discussed this but everything just fell into place on it's own. Now I'm not a bitch if DH is talking to me first thing, but he knows I'm not going to be very talkative.
It also helps that our routines are different so we end up in different parts of the house. I go from bed to bathroom back to bedroom to get dress. DH goes from bed to kitchen to bathroom to guest bedroom (where he keeps his work clothes) to bedroom. We end up getting a little alone time that way too.