Smoking while pg WWMLD / Vent

[emjacobs]

An acquaintance's GF is currently pregnant (not his kid).  We were all at a get together for a friends birthday and she went outside to show someone her new car.  We left while she was outside and when we went to say Goodbye to everyone she was puffing away.  

According to FB she is 20 weeks.  

I'm infuriated. 

Not sure what I can do, but I needed to vent somewhere other than FB. 

[iamali]

There is nothing you can do.

This is a MYOB situation.

[speckledfrog]

Not your body, not your business. It's hard to see people make decisions you feel are poor but that's the way things go.

[mcmel]

MYOB, but I get the irritation.

[Deleted]

That is frustrating to see someone not looking out for the health of their unborn child.

[karmasabiotch]

You can't do anything. Even if you told her what you thought it wouldn't do any good.

[flutterfly]

There is nothing you can do. I'd mind my own business.

[luvvy]

Unfortunately, unless she specifically asks you if it is bad, you should bite your tongue. However, it would take all of my willpower not to say something snotty. I had a coworker who purposely smoked while pregnant to have a smaller child so her lady bits "didn't get all messed up".

[emjacobs]

I figured this was a MYOB situation, and honestly I don't have the balls to say anything to her.

[sonrisa]

Feb 26, 2014 12:58:17 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

WTF. No, not much you can do.

My niece, god love her, smoked during her pregnancies to keep the baby's weight low, so she'd have an easier delivery. Uh huh. Can't fix stupid.

That is awful.

OP: It's an addiction. She  might be trying to quit, but failing. She might have drastically cut back her smoking, but can't quit completely. She might have worse vices she has dropped. MYOB and hope her doctor is helping her.

[papie]

MYOB

My cousin told me her OB told her to at least cut down to 5 cigs a day, which she did at first and then quit for good later. I judged a bit, but not outrageously. OTOH, one of my students last fall told me she was waiting for her amnio results before quitting. There I clutched my pearls really hard. WTF to not even trying before that, you know?

[eddy]

I feel like I read somewhere that doctors don't advise patients to cut cold turkey if they were smokers previously. Something about cutting down and then eventually quiting during pregnancy. Maybe that is the case with this person? I guess this is why you myob.

[dramallama]

People seriously smoke while pregnant to ensure their baby has a lower birth weight?! WTF?

OP: I get your frustration, but I agree this is a MYOB situation. People are so fucking stupid.

[firedancer49]

My friend is currently pregnant, and is still smoking. It makes me so sad. She has another daughter who is absolutely tiny. She's over 2 years old and is still in size 12mo clothing. It makes me so so sad to see she is doing this again.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2014 13:01:51 GMT -5 freedom said:

How is paternity relevant? Does boyfriend not care because it's not his kid?

Well, if it is boyfriends kid then it isn't just her business, it's his business too, because it's his kid she is incubating. And I'll fight all day long with someone who says the father has no rights in that scenario. If you have to support a child you have the right to a kid with minimal problems.

Since it isn't the boyfriends kid, though, it is truly MYOB.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2014 13:03:06 GMT -5 eddy said:

I feel like I read somewhere that doctors don't advise patients to cut cold turkey if they were smokers previously. Something about cutting down and then eventually quiting during pregnancy. Maybe that is the case with this person? I guess this is why you myob.

My OB advises this. 

To the OP: I understand the irritation, but MYOB. 

[pixelpassion]

WTF is wrong with people? The smoking to attain low-birth weight purposely has me SMH so hard.

I get where PP's are though, in that there's not much you can do.

[FastHands]

Feb 26, 2014 13:03:06 GMT -5 eddy said:

I feel like I read somewhere that doctors don't advise patients to cut cold turkey if they were smokers previously. Something about cutting down and then eventually quiting during pregnancy. Maybe that is the case with this person? I guess this is why you myob.

Yup. My mom was instructed to cut back and quit if she could, but she never quit when she was pg with both my brother and me. We were big babies and I was big my whole life (lol). I'm by no means advocating smoking during pregnancy, but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt that she was doing the best she could. Especially after seeing her smoke a cigarette once.

[emjacobs]

Feb 26, 2014 13:25:55 GMT -5 ste said:

Feb 26, 2014 13:03:06 GMT -5 eddy said:

I feel like I read somewhere that doctors don't advise patients to cut cold turkey if they were smokers previously. Something about cutting down and then eventually quiting during pregnancy. Maybe that is the case with this person? I guess this is why you myob.

Yes. Quitting smoking is rough on your body. Harder to quit than, what, heroin? Or something. It's no joke.

Obviously the "smoke to have a small baby" camp is crazy. But myob.

I doubt it is harder than heroin, but I imagine it is harder than other things that are usually categorized as worse. 

I'm going to be MYOB, which I was anyway but it's still frustrating to see someone do something like that. 

[emjacobs]

Feb 26, 2014 13:31:35 GMT -5 ste said:

Feb 26, 2014 13:27:52 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

I doubt it is harder than heroin, but I imagine it is harder than other things that are usually categorized as worse. 

I'm going to be MYOB, which I was anyway but it's still frustrating to see someone do something like that. 

www.nytimes.com/1987/03/29/magazine/nicotine-harder-to-kickthan-heroin.html

Interesting.  

[Deleted]

Like everyone has said, this is a MYOB situation. I get the annoyance and I would be biting my tongue too but there's nothing you can do.

[lilafowler]

Say nothing. When one of my best friends was pregnant she just couldn't quit. We are super close, we were college roommates and I probably could have approached her-but I kept my mouth shut. That was between her and her doctors (and her husband to an extent-he didn't like it and would talk to her about it but I feel he had the right since they were his kids, too).

Now she blames herself because her son is super small for his age. His twin is totally fine though-she's a spitfire.

[lilafowler]

Feb 26, 2014 13:45:08 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Feb 26, 2014 12:58:24 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

What on earth would you do?

It's ML, we can always do SOMETHING!

I can't believe nobody said to call CPS yet.

[emjacobs]

Feb 26, 2014 13:45:43 GMT -5 lilafowler said:

Feb 26, 2014 13:45:08 GMT -5 mofongo said:

It's ML, we can always do SOMETHING!

I can't believe nobody said to call CPS yet.

Well someone did say to call the police. 

[spitforspat]

You saw her smoking once. One time. Fuck off. Mind your own.

[pedanticwench]

Would you have said something to her or "done something" if you saw her drinking a glass of wine?

[Deleted]

I think if you saw her chain-smoking all day, every day, you could make a comment ONCE and then forever hold your peace.

If it was just this ONE time, then you have to zip it.

[VeryViolet]

Feb 26, 2014 14:07:02 GMT -5 squirrelymom said:

I was told to cut back before quitting with both pregnancies--not to do it cold turkey.

My sister got pregnant unexpectedly and she was told the same thing. She had completely quit pretty quickly. However, when she was at the very end I caught her hiding behind an ac unit smoking a cigarette and clutching a mountain dew. I just stared at her and she screamed "don't fucking judge me, you don't know". I just laughed and laughed and now having been hugely pregnant I can safely say I didn't know the misery at the time.  

[Alyssa]

I agree with everyone, it's a MYOB situation but deserves a huge side-eye.

[marylennox]

Yeah, MYOB. Sorry. People are going to make their own choices regardless of whether or not it infuriates you.