little girls and confidence

[saucyc]

I wish my mom would have encouraged me to be self confident when I was younger. I hope my daughter looks in the mirror and says this one day, I don't care where we are I already know what I will say to her "I love the way you look everyday and I love how kind and intelligent you are on the inside as well"

[HiC]

"Great!! You should love yourself every single day!"

[sweetptater]

Mar 3, 2014 1:59:20 GMT -5 @jezebel said:

I think it's great that she was happy with how she looked. And I don't see anything wrong with saying it.

This. I love that she had the confidence to say it. 

[ans1999]

In play therapy, we would respond to the underlying emotion of that moment. So I probably would have said something like you really like the shirt you picked out today or you styled your hair just the way you like it. It affirms her without focusing solely on the looks. It sounds like her peer took care of letting her know how it could be perceived.

[bab]

Mar 3, 2014 9:08:32 GMT -5 HiC said:

"Great!! You should love yourself every single day!"

This is my favorite answer.

[bab]

Mar 3, 2014 9:50:31 GMT -5 @smace said:

Mar 3, 2014 8:59:35 GMT -5 bab said:

Are you kidding? I already tell her that! Did you read the OP? My only concern was that I did not want her to seem like she was bragging in front of others. I guess this is just crazy on my part. MY BAD!!!

I think owning your beauty is a wonderful thing. I guess there's a certain thing about being humble about things but---feeling content with oneself is such a beautiful thing and it cannot be taught.

I would, however, reign it in if she was saying it in a different manner. "Susie isn't as pretty as me" or "I got Xyz because I'm prettier" IMO those aren't the same as being confident.

I agree with you. Her friend saying "OK we get it Abby!" also threw me. It was in the moment and I own the fact that I don't always have perfect responses to everything.

[Deleted]

I would absolutely not shut down "I look really good today". If it was a pattern and she was always saying how good she looked compared to other kids that is different.

I would encourage that confidence in a positive way for sure

EDIT: I know OP didn't do this at all but I always remember when I gained a little weight in middle school. My mom and dad both said I had a gut.  a gut.  I was 10 or 12 at the most.  I remember crying, going to my room and doing 100 sit ups.  Then my mom would introduce my sister and I .. she'd say this is Sloan Peterson she is my stylish child, this is sistersp she likes to do crafts and art.  This was into our adulthood.  So I am always on the side of building up. 

Again OP didn't tear down her kid.  And I get her questions. But when my child says "I look good" I always say "You do, that is a great color on you and you know what else... You did a great job in dance today" or something like that. 

I may overcompliment my kids.  But its because my parents were always so cruel. 

[underwaterrhymes]

Mar 3, 2014 10:05:07 GMT -5 bab said:

Mar 3, 2014 9:50:31 GMT -5 @smace said:

I think owning your beauty is a wonderful thing. I guess there's a certain thing about being humble about things but---feeling content with oneself is such a beautiful thing and it cannot be taught.

I would, however, reign it in if she was saying it in a different manner. "Susie isn't as pretty as me" or "I got Xyz because I'm prettier" IMO those aren't the same as being confident.

I agree with you. Her friend saying "OK we get it Abby!" also threw me. It was in the moment and I own the fact that I don't always have perfect responses to everything.

None of us have perfect responses to everything with our kids.

Every single person in this thread has said or will say something to their kids at some point that could have been phrased better.

You are doing an awesome job with your daughters.

[lissaholly]

Daisy is the first grandkid on both sides and she is insanely bubbly and cute. She gets complimented by how cute she looks waking up in the morning. I completely get where you are coming from. COMPLETELY.

I, by nature, am pretty modest and I would personally cringe if someone overheard me complimenting myself. That is my issue and I have to try hard not to let that color my interaction with DD. She is pretty observant and if she boasted herself all the time, her friends would shut her down ( or encourage her as I have heard some darling kids do).

My go response is to try to counteract looks with self worth. I hope I am doing it right, only time will tell. If Daisy had said that, I would say " And what makes you so beautiful?" To which she would reply " My good heart."

[LLL]

Mar 3, 2014 2:09:39 GMT -5 bab said:

I didn't "shoot her down" I just wanted her to be in check. We were in public not at home. Even her friend was like, "Okayyyy Abby we get it!" LOL She said it in a funny way but I didn't want my DD to come off like some stuck up chick.

I don't know.

Omg, I love your daughter (heart)
Werkk indeed

[hopecounts]

Mar 3, 2014 10:05:07 GMT -5 bab said:

Mar 3, 2014 9:50:31 GMT -5 @smace said:

I think owning your beauty is a wonderful thing. I guess there's a certain thing about being humble about things but---feeling content with oneself is such a beautiful thing and it cannot be taught.

I would, however, reign it in if she was saying it in a different manner. "Susie isn't as pretty as me" or "I got Xyz because I'm prettier" IMO those aren't the same as being confident.

I agree with you. Her friend saying "OK we get it Abby!" also threw me. It was in the moment and I own the fact that I don't always have perfect responses to everything.

And we have all had those moments :-)
but yes I would've said something more supportive or redirected to something more than looks related.
body image issues suck (btdt)  and the fact that she feels good about how she looks is a wonderful thing that you should encourage.
ETA: I'd also ask why she felt she looked good today, did she do really good in practice and feels proud of her body, does she like how her hair is done, her outfit, etc.

[sonrisa]

Mar 3, 2014 10:05:07 GMT -5 bab said:

Mar 3, 2014 9:50:31 GMT -5 @smace said:

I think owning your beauty is a wonderful thing. I guess there's a certain thing about being humble about things but---feeling content with oneself is such a beautiful thing and it cannot be taught.

I would, however, reign it in if she was saying it in a different manner. "Susie isn't as pretty as me" or "I got Xyz because I'm prettier" IMO those aren't the same as being confident.

I agree with you. Her friend saying "OK we get it Abby!" also threw me. It was in the moment and I own the fact that I don't always have perfect responses to everything.

You are a damned good mom and everyone who posts here knows it. 

I can understand feeling thrown in the moment when if sounds like her friend has heard enough. I might have said something nice about the other girl: "That's a cute dress, Friend. Don't you think so, Abby?" 
Of course, that is a gamble because she might say no.

[bab]

Mar 3, 2014 10:52:42 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Mar 3, 2014 10:05:07 GMT -5 bab said:

I agree with you. Her friend saying "OK we get it Abby!" also threw me. It was in the moment and I own the fact that I don't always have perfect responses to everything.

None of us have perfect responses to everything with our kids.

Every single person in this thread has said or will say something to their kids at some point that could have been phrased better.

You are doing an awesome job with your daughters.

Thanks UR you're the best ever!

[8675309]

I am loving my 4yr old daughter's confidence lately. LOVINGIT. She'll go in my room and look in my mirror and say "I LOVE ME!" and it just melts me into a puddle. How old is your DD again?