S/O termination - my perspective

[hulley]

When DD was 6, XH and I decided to TTC. We were young and healthy, no known family histories. We conceived a baby that showed arkers for what they thought was Down's but ended up being an extremely rare condition known as Triploidy. Unlike Down's and other conditions where one chromosome appears an extra time, Tripploidy causes all chromosomes to appear in triplicate.

As someone who was staunchly prochoice for others, but couldn't bring myself to consider abortion, even when I was pregnant with DD at 18, I made the heartbreaking choice to end this pregnancy as the prognosis and quality of life were not good. It was an extremely difficult time but I do not regret the decision.

Not sure why I am sharing, except I found it helpful at the time to read about others' experiences. I'm happy to answer any questions about the testing and decision making process.

[slug*bug]

I'm so sorry: being faced with a decision like you had to make was one of my biggest fears when we were TTC.

[countthestars]

I'm so sorry you had to make that difficult choice.

[thedash]

Thank you for sharing this.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry you had to go through with that.

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2012 21:49:53 GMT -5 slug*bug said:

I'm so sorry: being faced with a decision like you had to make was one of my biggest fears when we were TTC.

Ditto. And thank your for sharing.

[Kore]

Thank you for sharing. What a heartbreaking experience.

[carfar]

That is so rough, and a horrible decision to have to be faced with.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry you had to go through with that!

[Roc A Bee]

I'm so sorry. Did you ever decide to TTC again?

[hannamarin]

Jul 9, 2012 23:41:15 GMT -5 Roc A Bee said:

I'm so sorry. Did you ever decide to TTC again?

I am curious about this too.

Tough decision. I hope it didnt alter your marrriage.
Do you tell people IRL? Do you think you will tell your other chold?
Am I nosy?

[aspentosh]

I am so sorry you were faced with that decision. I am happy to see that you stand by it and don't regret it, though.

[Deleted]

We also terminated a pregnancy for medical reasons. For us, many people don't realize that we chose to terminate and I guess probably think that she died beforehand and I was induced. I am not ashamed of the decision to terminate because I know it was the right decision, I live in a very conservative area and my husband's family is extremely religious, so I would just rather not discuss it with those who would judge our choice. OP, I am sorry for your loss.

[hulley]

Jul 9, 2012 23:41:15 GMT -5 Roc A Bee said:

I'm so sorry. Did you ever decide to TTC again?

I didn't. XH and I divorced for different reasons (he had an affair) but the pregnancy and termination definitely altered our marriage for quite a bit of time after. We divorced 3 years later, so I wouldn't say that was the cause.

[hulley]

Jul 10, 2012 5:40:34 GMT -5 @hannamarin said:

Jul 9, 2012 23:41:15 GMT -5 Roc A Bee said:

I'm so sorry. Did you ever decide to TTC again?

I am curious about this too.

Tough decision. I hope it didnt alter your marrriage.
Do you tell people IRL? Do you think you will tell your other chold?
Am I nosy?

You are not nosy. I'm happy to share in hopes that it may help someone else someday. I have told only close friends IRL. Maybe 3 or 4 people know. It was hard to tell H when we started having the 'Do you want kids' talk.

Honestly, this experience colored every other TTC decision in both my first marriage and with DH. Knowing what can happen has always scared me away. Triploidy is a random genetic mutation, so it was completely unpredictable and not something I was a carrier for.

As far as telling DD, it is something I struggle with. She is almost 14 now, and there have been times that it could have naturally come up in conversation. I will most likely tell her when she is an adult. I terminated at 14 weeks and the experience was awful. If she were ever struggling with the choice to end a pregnancy or not, for whatever reason, I would share the details of that so she could go into it informed. I found the doctor's don't really tell you much.

As an aside, I felt I was treatee very judgementally at the actual appointment. I wanted to scream at them, that I had wanted this baby, I wasn't like everyone else. It was a very different experience, not at all like I'd imagined it would be.

[mrshandy]

I'm so sorry that you had to make that decision.

Thank you for sharing this.

[bunch]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.

[raangoli]

I am so sorry that you had to make such a difficult decision. It took a lot of courage to make the decision, but also to share the story. Thank you.

[Laura Palmer]

I'm so sorry you had to make that decision.