Open letters.

[vicky]

Fuck you, Jenny McCarthy and your highly offensive and inaccurate comments about the Autism and DD community. The DD world has been moving away from "instituationalizing" people with disabilities for many years now, so it is HARD for me to believe that just 4 years ago a doctor told you your high functioning son with autism would have to be instutionalized. That is DAMAGING to say on national television because it allows the public to infer that those with Autism and other developmental disabilities need to be institutionalized. Fuck you. You continue to send our community back years each time you utter such stupidity.

Sensationalist bitch.


Xo,
Vicky


(all caps mean business! roar!)

[iamgrace]

Dear winter:

Enough. We get it. You rule supreme. Now fuck off.

[iamali]

Best Buy/Geek Squad,

I am so sick of this bullshit with your defective refurbished phones. Get me a fucking new one that isn't going to stop working in less than one month. I'm tired of wasting my time having to drive to/from your store to drop off and pick up. If this "new" phone breaks again I am going to raise absolute HELL. I am not below dropping a dime on people who waste my time.

Get.your.shit.together.

Ali

[shostakovich]

Dear GI tract:

I seriously don't know what you want or how to make you happy. Sometimes we are cool. Sometimes it's like something is alive and ANGRY in my intestines. Let's open the lines of communication and figure out what the FUCK is wrong, and go from there, okay?

For now, here is some ginger tea and Imodium. Happy?

Sincerely,
shostakovich

[shostakovich]

Mar 6, 2014 12:00:20 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Mar 6, 2014 11:56:49 GMT -5 shostakovich said:

Dear GI tract:

I seriously don't know what you want or how to make you happy. Sometimes we are cool. Sometimes it's like something is alive and ANGRY in my intestines. Let's open the lines of communication and figure out what the FUCK is wrong, and go from there, okay?

For now, here is some ginger tea and Imodium. Happy?

Sincerely,
shostakovich

Reading between the lines, it sounds to me that communication is flowing freely.

Sometimes.  Other times, GI tract is giving me the silent treatment.  I'm having a high school relationship with my guts right now, and it's annoying.

[chedominique]

Dear CWs,

Just because I hurt my jaw yesterday doesn't mean I can't function. If you ask me/say any of the various questions/comments again, I'm going to scream:

"Can you talk?"
"You need help taking off your jacket?"
"Don't stress out! You sure you can handle this task?"
"Where is the swelling? I can't see it."
"She can only eat soft food, she can't eat that."

Signed,
Annoyed

[cuddlyevil]

Dear house Gods:

Please find me something good for the kids and I to move into.

Signed,

Having crappy luck and getting sad

[Deleted]

Warm the fuck up, Houston. I don't sweat my ass of from April through October so I can fucking shiver in March.

GOOD DAY.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Mar 6, 2014 11:46:53 GMT -5 vicky said:

Fuck you, Jenny McCarthy and your highly offensive and inaccurate comments about the Autism and DD community. The DD world has been moving away from "instituationalizing" people with disabilities for many years now, so it is HARD for me to believe that just 4 years ago a doctor told you your high functioning son with autism would have to be instutionalized. That is DAMAGING to say on national television because it allows the public to infer that those with Autism and other developmental disabilities need to be institutionalized. Fuck you. You continue to send our community back years each time you utter such stupidity.

Sensationalist bitch.


Xo,
Vicky


(all caps mean business! roar!)

She just started writing an advice column on Creators.com. It's totally ridiculous and she's getting ripped apart in the reader comments.

[penelope]

Dear Co-worker,

I am sorry that you feel like shit. Truly I am. But quit bitching about it and go the fuck home! Your pets won't let you get any rest? I am sorry about that too. I am sure that sucks. But I don't want your germs, and I am tired of listening to you whine. And DO NOT tell me to wash my hands, when I declare that I don't want your germs. Oh...and blow your fucking nose.

Sincerely,
Your (currently) healthy coworker in the next cubicle

[sergey]

Dear cats-
I love you and take very good care of you so I don't understand why one of you always insists on getting sick right before I leave on vacation. Seriously, do you tag team this? It's never serious but I'm not leaving you for a week until I have you checked out. I know you don't want to go to the vet any more than I do but off we go!
$150 hairballz and kisses,
your pooper scopper

[chedominique]

Mar 6, 2014 12:08:20 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Mar 6, 2014 12:04:15 GMT -5 chedominique said:

Dear CWs,

Just because I hurt my jaw yesterday doesn't mean I can't function. If you ask me/say any of the various questions/comments again, I'm going to scream:

"Can you talk?"
"You need help taking off your jacket?"
"Don't stress out! You sure you can handle this task?"
"Where is the swelling? I can't see it."
"She can only eat soft food, she can't eat that."

Signed,
Annoyed

Dear Chedominique,

Take advantage of that shit!  Send someone out for coffee and to pick up your lunch and oh yeah btw, I think you might need to go home a little early today.  And tomorrow too.

Your Truly,
Kevin "It's-Called-Delegating-Not-Slacking-Off" Arnold

[chiclet]

Mar 6, 2014 11:56:48 GMT -5 squirrelymom said:

Dear family,

If I have to clean up the crap you've left laying on the kitchen counter, IN ORDER TO COOK YOUR DAMN DINNER, one more time:

1) I'm not cooking.
2) I just may throw the crap you left out at you.

Love you dearly,
Mom

Times 1000! I don't know what my kitchen counters look like anymore, there is always junk all over them. I can clean up and half an hour later they're full of crap again.

[malibu]

Dear shostakovich's GI tract,

Want to date my GI tract? Sounds like they'd get along very well.

Dear work,

Please stop being so boring. I'm tired of having nothing to do after 10 a.m. every day.

Thanks,
malibu

[stephogirl]

Dear Congress -

Please do away with Daylight Saving Time. I despise getting my kids' internal clock adjusted twice a year.

Smooches,
StephoGirl

[ElizabethBennet]

Dear Anthro Professor,

You are not a medical doctor. You are not a psychiatrist or someone who knows anything about mental health. You teach a cultural anthropology class at a community college. Kindly keep yourself in check and don't make statements like "mental illness isn't real, it's just a lie that big pharma companies have instituted to make you buy drugs. Eat well and do yoga and you'll be fine."

Asshole.

[amberlyrose]

Dear DH,
Thank you for making my day 10000x better. You've totally made up for annoying me the rest of the week. Part of that was also PMS, so I apologize for the moodiness. Oops!
I'm so excited to have clean dogs and a clean house by 4pm tomorrow. Yay!

Love your wife that is tired of smelly dogs

[papie]

Dear members of my thesis evaluation committee,

if you don't submit your report today and set a date for my defense in exactly two weeks, I will hunt you and you will have to face the crazy angry pregnant lady. 

Regards,

35 week pregnant papie, almost phd

[bohemianmango]

Dear Kids,
Stop catching germs at school and bringing them home. If you absolutely have to bring home something, why can't it be the same thing? In addition to being home from school and work today, we have to worry about passing on an eye infection and a cold with fever to the other kid. We've taught you how to use soap and water. Please use them to stay healthy and stop hanging out with the sickies at school (and at home).


Love,
Your mom who wants to use PTO for fun and vacations

PS I want you to stay healthy because I love you too.

[Serenity9]

Dear Burrito Place,

When I order a burrito bowl, why would you put the cheese on top of the lettuce? It needs to be under the lettuce so that the warmth of the chicken can make the cheese all melty and delicious. Also, it would help if the chicken and all the fillings were actually warm. You used to be my favorite burrito place. What happened to you? What have you become?

Sincerely,

Not-so-serene Serenity.

[pittsmcgee]

Dear Period,
Fuck off. I need to get some before someone gets hurt. I appreciate your arrival every month, but it's time to move on now.

THANKS,
Me

[rfs13]

Dear Person I'm Waiting for Info From:

It's been too long and I'm tired of waiting. Shit or get off the pot!

Signed,
Impatient

[missyny]

Dear Walter White,

I never lost my compassion for you. I still think about your nerdy dusty tighty whities in the desert and ... I miss you.

Love,
Missy

[Deleted]

Dear Lottery team,
I'm irrationally annoyed that my name wasn't drawn in the lottery to get a ticket to see the Dalai Lama tomorrow but the heinous snatch of a co-worker did. I really wanted to go. I should be kinder but I hate that she's getting to go. Ugh.

Signed,
self

ETA: Someone else who won a ticket just offered it to me because she can't attend! We are waiting to hear back now if the ticket is transferable.  Fingers crossed!

[pittsmcgee]

Sorry..proboards is spazzing on me.

[pittsmcgee]

Mar 6, 2014 15:23:26 GMT -5 pittsmcgee said:

Mar 6, 2014 15:00:13 GMT -5 missyny said:

Dear Walter White,

I never lost my compassion for you. I still think about your nerdy dusty tighty whities in the desert and ... I miss you.

Love,
Missy

This will not let me quote. I've tried three times...will it work now?

Cosigned,
Pitts
Watching it all over again to fill the empty space in my heart.

[Deleted]

Dear Amazon, 
When I place an order on 2/24 for 2 day shipping, an expected arrival date of 3/10 is not acceptable. If I wanted it in 2 weeks I would have told you that. And your CSR reps (3 of them!!!) telling me it's 2 business days after you decide to finally box it and send it will get you rage. Don't sit on it for 9 business days (11 total days) and counting before you ship it. My kid needs diapers, I need my cookie sheets and DH needs his razor refills. And offering me a promotional $5 credit (when I paid a lot more than that for shipping) is insulting.

signed, 
I will be taking my business elsewhere in the future

dear Healthcare.gov, 
your site sucks. Your reps suck. You've screwed up our insurance enrollment three times now. Please to be fixing.

Signed, 
I already paid for 2 months of coverage and still don't have any 

[wambam]

Dear butthole,

I'm so sorry I OD'd on almonds yesterday. Please stop burning with the fire of a thousand suns.

Again sorry,
Wambam

[wysiwyg]

Dear body,

STAHP. For fucks sake, staaahhhhp.

Thanks,
B.

Dear winter,

I love the snow, but it is March. Go home.

Thanks,
B.

[speckledfrog]

Dear Face,

Enough with the pimples already. I'm pregnant, not a teenager.

Speckledfacefrog