Another thread about Egg donation....

[shoeless]

I'm no-where near the point where I am ready to actively peruse egg donation.  (My hope is to be ready some day.)  Right now I am sorting through my feelings on the matter.  There is no right answer.   Just more of a poll to help me justify my feelings whatever they might be.  (I will update later with where I am at in the thought process).

Back-story: Notified a month ago (ish) that my premature menopause/premature ovarian failure was the result of a rare chromosome defect (not Turners of Fragile X).

[thatgirl2478]

Would you be able to know something (ie, about their personality / medical history / etc - like you do with some sperm donation places) about an anonymous donor?

[ghost]

My sister offered but we used a donor because we thought it would add a weird family dynamics. It failed anyway so turns out my "old eggs" weren't the issue. The sperm was. We are done. Can't/won't go through any more treatments.
I am a minority, flame away. But I was in the situation and know which one I picked. (rather than a hypothetical)

[shoeless]

Mar 8, 2014 19:52:39 GMT -5 thatgirl2478 said:

Would you be able to know something (ie, about their personality / medical history / etc - like you do with some sperm donation places) about an anonymous donor?

Yes.  Childhood and adult photos, personal interview, and medical history for themselves and immediate family.

[ghost]

Mar 8, 2014 19:52:39 GMT -5 thatgirl2478 said:

Would you be able to know something (ie, about their personality / medical history / etc - like you do with some sperm donation places) about an anonymous donor?

yes. we knew a full medical/social history. We also saw pic

[thatgirl2478]

I think I'd go with an anon donor to avoid the weird dynamic too...

[shoeless]

Mar 8, 2014 19:54:09 GMT -5 ghost said:

My sister offered but we used a donor because we thought it would add a weird family dynamics. It failed anyway so turns out my "old eggs" weren't the issue. The sperm was. We are done. Can't/won't go through any more treatments.
I am a minority, flame away. But I was in the situation and know which one I picked. (rather than a hypothetical)

First I am so very sorry you went thought this all.  Second -ABSOLUTELY NO FLAMES!!!!  Its such a personal decision, there isn't a right answer.  You picked the right path for your family unit.

[Jermys]

I think just from experience with adoption, I would want an open donor in case my kids ever wanted to know more. Whether that be from a family member or not.

[thatgirl2478]

Mar 8, 2014 20:04:19 GMT -5 Jermys said:

I think just from experience with adoption, I would want an open donor in case my kids ever wanted to know more. Whether that be from a family member or not.

this is a good point.

[twinkiemom]

I have a similar diagnosis. I used my sister as a donor and have no regrets. Please feel free to pm me if you have more questions.

[livinitup]

I offered my eggs to my sister and REALLY REALLY meant it. She didn't need eggs, but I really meant that she could have them to start her family. I don't know what I would do, but as a " willing sister" I meant it with all my heart.

[karmasabiotch]

I picked option 1 but I would be open to option 2 as well.

[hopecounts]

We chose an anonymous clinic donor.
We wanted to do open but just could not find the money to afford it, so we had to compromise that and while I would have wanted DD to have the ability to know her donor I wanted to have her more and waiting another 5 yrs was not in the cards,
I would not have been comfortable using a related donor, the connection would've been challenging for me personally and I would have felt awkward.

[karmasabiotch]

I would probably be open to option 3 too.

I guess I should have gone with SS.

[shoeless]

Thank you all for the responses. To quantify my thoughts: My sister is willing, but I'm not sure I can emotionally get over raising 'her' child (maybe therapy will change my perception). I also come from a large open adopted family, so I have a HUGE preference for an open donation. However, I'm not made of money. Can I afford an open donation, yes. (Assuming success the first time). Could I afford open donation multiple times, no. Thank you for your responses, you've made me feel a little more 'normal'.

[sweetday]

Mar 8, 2014 20:34:51 GMT -5 twinkiemom said:

I have a similar diagnosis. I used my sister as a donor and have no regrets. Please feel free to pm me if you have more questions.

Ditto

[hopecounts]

shoeless
I think I've told you before but feel free to PM me anytime.

[wise_rita]

Wait, open egg donation is a thing? I don't know why it surprises me, open adoptions are the norm these days, but for some reason it does.

Why are they so much more expensive (as I've gleaned from this post)?

I'm interested in hearing more about this. Does the egg donor visit the kid? Is considered an extended part of the family? This is such a new concept to me!

[shoeless]

Mar 9, 2014 2:06:51 GMT -5 wise_rita said:

Wait, open egg donation is a thing? I don't know why it surprises me, open adoptions are the norm these days, but for some reason it does.

Why are they so much more expensive (as I've gleaned from this post)?

I'm interested in hearing more about this. Does the egg donor visit the kid? Is considered an extended part of the family? This is such a new concept to me!

The fertility clinics in my area offer anon egg donation programs (using 'in house/local' donors) and have discounted packages.  If I want to utilize an open egg donation then I would need to go through a national donor bank and pay the associated fees with that (admin, compensation, donors travel, on top of all the medical cost w/o any discount.) 

Just like an open adoption an open donation can be structured however the group chooses.  Most common is that the child is allowed to contact the donor either whenever they want or at the age of 18.

[Jermys]

I can guarantee you that any child you have will be your child. No matter who donates the egg. Your sister might have a special relationship with him, but you'd always be mommy.