I'd let Tucker stay with MIL. For his own sake. You are not going to let him into your bed, so he is better off there. Surely your DH can compromise on tucker going to his own mother?
Your house does not seem like the right place for your dog. He would be unhappy being separated, you would be on edge, and E would be in danger. It seems like a good situation to have the dog at your MIL's house.
I would not take the dog back. I feel sad for your H, but it is better for everyone else (including the dog, it seems) for him to live with your MIL. Your H can go visit.
Agree, 100%.
It's not better for your H if the dog comes back. It seems likely that there will be another violent incident, and how will your H feel then? You all lose in that situation, including your H and the dog.
I'm so sorry . It sounds like it's best for everyone (including Tucker) to like with your MIL. That way your H can still visit and keep in touch with him.
This would be so hard but the fact that he's staying in the family makes it so much easier IMHO.
I think Tucker should stay with MIL. I'm so sorry you were hurt and that your H is struggling so much with all of this. Your child's safety is first priority.
Post by thebuddhagouda on Mar 10, 2014 15:00:09 GMT -5
There would be no discussion in our house, and I'm internally side eying your H for wanting a dog with aggression issues that serious in a house with a baby.
Have you done any kind of training/obedience work with him to help the aggression?
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Have you worked with a dog behaviorist? Are you open to working with a dog behaviorist? I think they could help the situation and help both you, your H and the dog all have a better understanding of how to handle these situations or situations that may arise with your child.
Can somehow you reframe this for him and show him that Tucker is a good thing for your MIL? She has lost her husband and now has a dog to chum around with. Of course your H is sad too, but he has you and E in his house.
I feel for your H, but I also would not be able to bring the dog back to my houe.
Post by game blouses on Mar 10, 2014 15:02:12 GMT -5
I agree, keeping him at MIL's is the best option. Dragging you by the hand around the room is the scariest part to me - he could easily do that to a smaller baby or kid. I'm sorry
I have gone to (what I think are) extraordinary lengths to keep our smallish, somewhat aggressive dog in our home despite the fact that she has issues with our kids. We keep her separated from them unless we're actively supervising an interaction. We spend about $300 per month on training to keep her mind busy and try to improve her relationship with the kids. We've been doing this for at least a year and a half now.
All that said, if there were a way we could rehome her, we would have to seriously consider doing that. She seems content with the life she currently leads, but I think she could live a much better life elsewhere.
If your MIL is happy to keep Tucker, this sounds like the best possible outcome for everyone.
I'm sorry you're having to make this decision, though. I love my dog, and I know you and your husband do, too, but ultimately, protecting your family is the most important thing here.
If he is absolutely only aggressive when you try to take something out of his mouth, it's possible that working with a behaviorist could solve the problem.
Post by hopecounts on Mar 10, 2014 15:04:11 GMT -5
Have you pointed out how miserable the dog will be not being able to be with his family? It sounds like he is settling in well with MIL and is getting the time and attention he needs. Ask your H if it is really fair to the dog to uproot it and then permanently keep it separated from the family day in and day out. Personally I think the arrangement y'all have works for the dog and the majority of the family so is the best option in a crappy situation. We have to keep my MIL's dog closed off when we are over there with DD because he is old, cranky and blind and the possibility of an accident is too high. The poor dog spends most of the time whining to come out and join everyone so I can't imagine doing that full time to any dog if there was any other reasonable option.
The thing is before ou know it E is going to be mobile and absolutely will try to get something away from T. Like that isn't even a question. you can't live your life keeping the two seperated 24/7.
I'm sorry for your H, but it really seems like you have the best case of a really bad situation here. Your child is protected (as is the priority, of course), the dog is happy - and with family, and your MIL has companionship. If she feels safe and comfortable with the dog there, I would be so thankful.
What kind of dog is Tucker?
He's a lab. They're supposed to be friendly
H says Tucker isn't going to be running around trying to bite people and I know that's true. It's only when Tucker doesn't want to give up something. But I'm scared. It only takes one time. Maybe he will get ahold of a diaper. Or maybe E will try to take something out of his mouth, etc.
Do you think we would benefit by seeing a counselor?
Has the dog had training before? I really think you could all benefit from a visit with a dog behaviorist. At least then you will know these are behaviors you can work on with the dog or not.
I'm sorry for your H, but it really seems like you have the best case of a really bad situation here. Your child is protected (as is the priority, of course), the dog is happy - and with family, and your MIL has companionship. If she feels safe and comfortable with the dog there, I would be so thankful.
This pretty much takes the words right out of my mouth.
Post by vanillacourage on Mar 10, 2014 15:06:07 GMT -5
No, no, no.
I don't mean to be glib, but all new parents go through an adjustment period of having to put their child above what their former priorities might have been. Your DH just needs to get with the program. The dog is dangerous to have in the same home as his child.
Have you worked with a dog behaviorist? Are you open to working with a dog behaviorist? I think they could help the situation and help both you, your H and the dog all have a better understanding of how to handle these situations or situations that may arise with your child.
No we haven't. And I don't know if I'm willing to work with one I'm really scared.
Even if you never bring Tucker back to your house, it's still something you need to treat with a behaviorist. I'm sure you don't want him to bite your MIL, and I'm sure E will also spend time at MIL's house.