H says Tucker isn't going to be running around trying to bite people and I know that's true. It's only when Tucker doesn't want to give up something. But I'm scared. It only takes one time. Maybe he will get ahold of a diaper. Or maybe E will try to take something out of his mouth, etc.
Look, I have a small (8 lb) dog that takes some adjusting to new situations, so we closely AND I MEAN CLOSELY monitored any interaction with Ethan when he was going through changes (i.e. learning to crawl and again when learning to walk) and unless the dog is legitimately going to be locked away in a completely different part of the house this would scare the shit out of me. Right now, your kid isn't mobile. Once he is, all bets are off. You can teach him how to behave around animals and how to treat the dog correctly, but he will still be a baby, and at some point he is going to pull an ear, take a toy, fall on the dog, etc.
Seriously, unless you can find a behaviorist that works miracles, I would never ever ever be comfortable with that dog around a kid. Ever.
I also couldn't have tucker stay at the house anymore. You said he's already bit you before but this last time he landed you in ER. I would be worried the dog would snap for no reason.
How is the dog with your MIL?
I would be worried with the dog around - if he were to bite someone else that can be a lawsuit waiting to happen.
I'm so sorry you guys are dealing with this Given what's happened already, and the fact that you guys have E to consider, I think having him stay with MIL is the right call.
Assuming your MIL decides to keep him permanently (and from the way you described things it sounds like she's likely willing to), consulting a vet behaviorist to help her deal with Tucker's (what sounds to be) major resource guarding could be beneficial for her AND for Tucker. There's also a book called Mine! by Jean Donaldson that addresses the same issue, I found it to be really helpful when we adopted our second dog (he had issues "guarding" us from our other dog).
It's just not fair to the dog. Your DH is being very selfish. Putting aside whether you could make it work, doing so would be worse for Tucker. He's living on a lake, with friends nearby, sleeping with your MIL. Why on earth would you bring him to your house and partition him off from his family? It's not like your DH won't still get to see him. I can't see your husband's point. From any perspective. I love my dogs like crazy, but if they did this they would be off to my IL's. For everyone's sake.
I'm sorry, this is an awful thing to go through but I think you are 100% right in your decision. You have to out the safety of your child first. And I'm sure Tucker would not enjoy being constantly hated off or closed in a room with little to no contact. It sounds like having him live with your MIL is the best of a bad situation.
Have you thought about counseling for you? You said you're having flashbacks and crying a lot. An attack from a dog you love that lands you in the ER on top of pp hormones is a ton of stress. You may not need or want it, but make sure you take care of you.
And you're right about not bringing the dog home. It's just not safe.
Also our dog will steal food out of our kid's hands or off the table if they are eating. That means she spends a TON of time locked away from us because she can not be trusted. It sucks and it is exhausting. You are 100% on alert all the time. The second someone asks for a snack I have to go put Scarlett on the porch. I have to think it is depressing for her, but again she can't be around the kids with food. If I had a rehoming option I would 100% take it and I think she probably would be happier. So my advice is not to go down that road. It isn't fair to the dog or to you guys.
I would absolutely not have this dog back in my house, and would not spend any time even working with a behaviorist over it. You cannot have a dog like that in your home with your baby and eventual mobile toddler. I agree with the pp who mentioned that maybe you should talk to someone about it. That is an extremely stressful thing to have happen, on top of having a new baby.
It's just not fair to the dog. Your DH is being very selfish. Putting aside whether you could make it work, doing so would be worse for Tucker. He's living on a lake, with friends nearby, sleeping with your MIL. Why on earth would you bring him to your house and partition him off from his family? It's not like your DH won't still get to see him. I can't see your husband's point. From any perspective. I love my dogs like crazy, but if they did this they would be off to my IL's. For everyone's sake.
H feels like he has lost too many people/pets he has loved lately.
Every time H goes over, Tucker would sit by the car, wanting to leave with H. It kills me when H tells me that.
He's not losing Tucker. Tucker is going to live with his widowed mother. That is entirely different than losing Tucker. Nika will run and sit by cars when people leave, too. That doesn't mean she would rather live with them. It means she wants a car ride. I don't even slightly see his side in this.
Have you thought about counseling for you? You said you're having flashbacks and crying a lot. An attack from a dog you love that lands you in the ER on top of pp hormones is a ton of stress. You may not need or want it, but make sure you take care of you.
And you're right about not bringing the dog home. It's just not safe.
I'm thinking about this. I wonder if it will benefit us if H and of went together. Or just me alone. We have gone through so much in the past year.
He could lose his son or his wife over this dog. Not worth it.
He dragged me around the room and H had to pry his mouth out of my hand. He tore up my hand.
((hugs))
I wouldn't continue to live with anyone - human or animal - who had done that to me. With a child my feelings would be doubly strong. I hope you can come to agreement with your husband. For me, that agreement would require the dog live somewhere my baby does not.
(I'm staunchly "babies before aggressive pets or bad partners" which puts me at odds with more dog friendly ML regulars.)
I feel like we failed Tucker. I keep blaming myself for his behavior.
I honestly believe that returning him to your home would be failing him.
Your husband has been through a lot and isn't thinking clearly. I don't mean to get all SueSue BTK on you, but bringing the dog home for him to have a half-life of constant supervision and separation and potentially to have another incident where you or the baby are hurt again is NO life at all. For anyone.
I'm sorry, mekia. I know how much you love Tucker. But, you are right in this situation. I can tell you, every day, multiple times a day, my DD takes toys away from our dogs. It's like a game and it happens a the time and E will be the same way. You just can't risk it. And it sounds like Tucker had a pretty good set up at your MIL's house and would be happy there. Your H will still be able to see and spend time with him. I understand your H being upset, but he isn't thinking clearly.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
There is not a chance I would agree to let the dog back in the house, and I would be angry with DH if he even suggested, ESPECIALLY if the dog was able to live a happy life with your MIL. Your DH can visit, the dog doesn't have to be contained in a small space away from family, and you & your DS are safe.
It's not an issue of "if" the baby tries to take something from the dog, but "when". It's just what babies do.
Stand your ground & don't feel guilty. I know your husband has been through a lot, but how would he feel if the baby ended up getting hurt by the dog? I'd think that's a whole lot more to add to his plate than letting his dog live happily with MIL & make her happy in the process...and he can still visit the dog. He's not losing it, he's giving it to his mom, who has also been through a lot recently!
I would absolutely not have this dog back in my house, and would not spend any time even working with a behaviorist over it. You cannot have a dog like that in your home with your baby and eventual mobile toddler. I agree with the pp who mentioned that maybe you should talk to someone about it. That is an extremely stressful thing to have happen, on top of having a new baby.
Again, even if Tucker lives with MIL permanently, Tucker's issues cannot be ignored. MIL or a visitor at her house (including Mekia and E) could still trigger the aggressive behavior and end up with a serious bite.
Post by amberlyrose on Mar 10, 2014 15:22:56 GMT -5
I love my babies, but if this happened, the dog would be going to my parents. I'm so sorry. Please take time for you because I know it must be upsetting that a dog you loved so much hurt you (unintentionally).
Post by hopecounts on Mar 10, 2014 15:24:14 GMT -5
I really think you could both use some counseling. Y'all have had so much happen in such a short time span it's no wonder you are both having a hard time processing it all and a good therapist can help you both work through it and get to a better place.
Sometimes I feel like I should just tell H that he can just go and live with Tucker if the dog means that much to him. But I don't say that
I'm really a mess. I can't stop crying.
Look, this wouldn't be a terrible thing to say to him. It seems like he is completely ignoring the seriousness of the problem and needs a major wake-up call. His plan to simply separate Tucker from E (and you?) at all times is unrealistic, and shows that he really doesn't understand the problem here.
I'm also kind of pissed your H is pushing this issue after having to pry your mangled hand out of his dog's mouth. It's not the dog's fault, per se, and it's okay if he still loves the dog, but dude. You probably have some PTSD, and he's just over there whining about his damn dog.
Ohhhhh yeah, this is where I am too. I would have laughed in his fucking face if he asked to bring the dog who CHEWED ON ME LIKE A SQUEAKY TOY back into my house. With my INFANT.
I would absolutely not have this dog back in my house, and would not spend any time even working with a behaviorist over it. You cannot have a dog like that in your home with your baby and eventual mobile toddler. I agree with the pp who mentioned that maybe you should talk to someone about it. That is an extremely stressful thing to have happen, on top of having a new baby.
Again, even if Tucker lives with MIL permanently, Tucker's issues cannot be ignored. MIL or a visitor at her house (including Mekia and E) could still trigger the aggressive behavior and end up with a serious bite.
This with big, blinking flashing lights and sirens.
I'm a little bit shocked that nothing has been done up to this point to deal with a dog that has bitten multiple times. It's not going to go away on its own, and it will only continue to escalate.
It has been a very rough year for your family and I just wanted to extend lots of hugs. Don't put aside your feelings to try to protect your DH. You are doing what is best for you and your son by keeping Tucker at MIL.
I would absolutely not have this dog back in my house, and would not spend any time even working with a behaviorist over it. You cannot have a dog like that in your home with your baby and eventual mobile toddler. I agree with the pp who mentioned that maybe you should talk to someone about it. That is an extremely stressful thing to have happen, on top of having a new baby.
Again, even if Tucker lives with MIL permanently, Tucker's issues cannot be ignored. MIL or a visitor at her house (including Mekia and E) could still trigger the aggressive behavior and end up with a serious bite.
This is really the most important take away of this post. This behavior needs to be addressed whether the dog comes back to live with you or stays with your MIL.
Sometimes I feel like I should just tell H that he can just go and live with Tucker if the dog means that much to him. But I don't say that
I'm really a mess. I can't stop crying.
You could say something like, "I feel that the dog is more important to you than our family. I'm scared of the dog and terrified that he will hurt our son. It's not a risk I'm willing to take and the fact that you want the dog back here makes me feel like you're not putting our family first."
Have you said anything like that to him?
I also think counseling may be beneficial. What you went through sounds terrifying. I'm so, so sorry.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg