Answer me this, ML: Is it normal for couples to think about

[Jalapeñomel]

divorce every once in a while?  Or do most married couples never think about it?


Yes
No
Something else



(brought to you by a discussion on FB)

[eddy]

I think it is probably normal to have at least a fleeting thought at some point in your marriage.

[wambam]

No, I've never considered it, even as a fleeting thought.

[LLL]

do you mean during an argument or a rough part? Or just general "I wonder what it would be like..."?

[eddy]

There are times when I am feeling really ugly and hateful inside and I think I could do better without H. I quickly realize the issue is all me and has nothing to do with him.

Of course I would never tell H this. I sort of hope he has never felt the same. We have never uttered the D word before.

[game blouses]

Think about it, like, I wish we'd get divorced? Or, what would it be like if we got divorced?

We often bring up the thought experiment of "If we ever did get divorced, we'd make sure we were fair to each other/split custody/try mediation, etc." But not in a way that feels inevitable, more hypothetical, if that makes any sense.

[malibu]

I posted last week or so about the issues H and I have had over the years. Yes, I've thought about it, more than once.

[ZoeHart]

Actually consider/contemplate divorce, no? Think about how much easier it would be to cook if I was single? every time I have to omit mushrooms, onions, etc for the picky eater.
ETA: the cooking thing is just an example. At times, like the holidays when I'm annoyed about splitting the day between families, I think how it could be different. But I'm not actually thinking that I want a divorce, kwim?

[cuddlyevil]

It was one of those things I never thought would happen to us. But, here we are.

[sake]

We talked about getting a divorce for a period of time, before I became pregnant with G. We were both going through/dealing with some things individually that we both thought the other person could not possibly comprehend, and it was one of those "you don't know my lyfe!" situations. It was not a fun few months, but we decided to work through things together, and I am VERY VERY glad that we did. I really love and appreciate my H, and I would feel like a complete dumb ass, if we had gone through with a divorce, over issues that now seem pretty small, even a short couple of years later.

[pantsparty]

I have never considered it, but I'd think in a longer relationship I wouldn't consider it ABNORMAL. I know my parents have been through some rough patches in their almost 40 years.

[nadasteph]

I think about the logistics of it every so often, usually brought on by a cheating husband post here. I've never considered it as something I wanted though, just what would happen if the issue was forced on me.

[Deleted]

When I get really mad at him I think about it and how my life would be. I'm usually over it within an hour and realize I would be lost without him.

[CrazyLucky]

No, I haven't. Even when we've been in some rough times, the thought is always, what can we do to get through this, to make it better. Never about divorce.

[cville]

I've wondered about it. Especially since in the past 3 years I've had several friends get divorced. But, as LHC said, in a logistics sort of way. Much like I've thought through the logistics of what would happen if my husband were to die (is that morbid?).

[pantsparty]

LOL, this reminds me of when we were buying furniture for our new house. I basically bought everything in our living room, and was holding off on buying a few things. H said he would help me, and I said, "No! If we get divorced, I want everything in this room!"

We both laughed. Funneh.

[eddy]

Mar 12, 2014 14:40:56 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

I have never considered it, but I'd think in a longer relationship I wouldn't consider it ABNORMAL. I know my parents have been through some rough patches in their almost 40 years.

This is what I a wondering, in the longevity of a relationship it is probably normal to at least consider it?

My parents are very happy but are candid about times when they did consider it. Obviously those times where when my sister and I were young and stress was pretty high in the household.

[bornbaker]

We joke about it (like I burn dinner and H shout "DIVORCE"!) I know. Probably not something to joke about...

But that's still thinking about it?

I've told H it would never be an option unless he did something REALLY bad.

[mcmel]

Over the past year, quite a bit.

Someone here said something like "what is it like being married to myself?" And I've really been working on that. I think it's fantastic advice and I try to think of the quote often so thank you to whoever said it.

[poopedydoop]

No.

[CurlyQ284]

Mar 12, 2014 14:38:39 GMT -5 ZoeHart said:

Actually consider/contemplate divorce, no? Think about how much easier it would be to cook if I was single? every time I have to omit mushrooms, onions, etc for the picky eater.
ETA: the cooking thing is just an example. At times, like the holidays when I'm annoyed about splitting the day between families, I think how it could be different. But I'm not actually thinking that I want a divorce, kwim?

I put yes in the poll but his describes how i think about it. Except my issue is cleaning rather than cooking.

He is OOT this week and my house is SO CLEAN.

[luvvy]

In my previous marriage, obviously. In this marriage, nope. I can honestly say it has never crossed my mind. H is stuck with me FOREVAH!

[spitforspat]

I have. But, I mean, I've THOUGHT about a lot of things.

[TrickyBob]

I've thought about it in a; I'm 24 and got married at 21, I wonder what I would have been doing with myself if we hadn't ever gotten married, kind of way. Not in a "I want to get divorced" way but would I be the same person? My husband has helped push me to try new things, maybe without him I wouldn't have tried anything. Or maybe I would have.

Either way, I don't care to find out how it would have been without him because I like our life.

[TC]

I think about it a lot. Not divorcing him, but that many couples get divorced and it would probably be silly to consider it so far out of the realm of possibility. So I think about it, and he does too because he has been surrounded by divorce in his career. We try to actively safeguard our marriage from it and that involves a fair amount of discussions where it is talked about pretty openly and the circumstances we feel could lead us that direction.

In reality, I feel it would take something cataclysmic to ever split us up, but I suppose most couples feel that way and plenty of those couples found it didn't take something all that cataclysmic so I worry myself over it anyway.

[KKD]

I have actually wondered this myself.

Not that I have ever even considered divorcing my husband, but I do sometimes think about it in that I worry about getting blindsided. I mean, how many times have we seen it here? And then I get to thinking about having to live without him and split custody of my kids, and, well, let's just say it's not something I would ever choose myself.

eta: Like cville, it's the same as when I think of him dying, as morbid as it is. I don't WANT to think about it, but it's always a possibility, right?

[jlt19]

DH has had a rough time quitting smoking. He's almost unbearable when he forgets to put his patch on and I did tell him that if he was so unhappy he could just leave. I don't know exactly what I meant in that moment (for 5 minutes, for the night, forever?) But he was snapping at me and the kids and I refuse to have my kids grow up in that kind of environment. It caused a pretty intense discussion the next day, with a lot of apologizing on both sides.

Thankfully he's realized that he needs to be better about wearing the patch for now and we haven't had such an issue since. It was the first time I ever truly thought we'd have to be apart. I don't want to ever have those thoughts/feelings again.

[aussiecrush]

In 10 years, twice, once seriously. We've faced some struggles and I'm proud of the way we've worked through them but at the time I wasn't sure there was a way to work things out and stay together.

[bcv513]

My mother's pre-wedding advice to me was "If at least once a month, you're not asking yourself what the hell you were thinking getting married, you're doing something wrong."

[MixedBerryJam]

We never talked about divorce but we talked about living separately during one rough patch. I even looked at houses in the neighborhood. I think it's normal to think about; I do not think it's healthy to discuss on fb though. At least in the context of, if you're going through a rough patch and divorce is a possible outcome, you can talk about it with friends or a therapist or whomever, but keep that conversation out of social media, and esp keep your respective parents out of the conversation. I used to threaten my husband with the pickle jar in the basement. No other woman would want him after I was done with him, what with his junk being in the pickle jar in the basement.