I think you have a right to be mad b/c they never actually communicated with you. Honestly I would probably get in touch with the parents and let them know that you won't be sending C over anymore, but their son is welcome to play in your yard with C and E.
I think it's kind of weird, especially since they are just in the driveway and you can see them. But, like others, I think it's within their rights, as rude as it may be. Also agree that the execution was wrong. They should have called you.
I agree that the other parents handled this oddly. However, the lack of communciation between the parents seems to go both ways. You don't seem to talk to them either and you just decide to send DD with C (you did say in your OP that YOU sometimes ask C to take his sister. It doesn't always seem to be about him wanting to, even if he's cool with her going).
If I were those parents, I'd be annoyed that you send both kids w/o asking them if it's o.k. So.... it goes both ways and I think it might be time for someone (you, since you're the one asking about this) to go over and try to create some kind of relationship with them - even if it's just to open lines of communication about the kids.
I tell them to go ask if kid can play over here or ask if it is ok to play there. They report back that it is ok. I don't just send my kids over to play. Perhaps in the future I should just have C call and see if kid wants to come over.
I get annoyed when my neighbors allow their older and younger kids to come over to play with DS so I get where they are coming from. It was handled poorly though.
I agree that the other parents handled this oddly. However, the lack of communciation between the parents seems to go both ways. You don't seem to talk to them either and you just decide to send DD with C (you did say in your OP that YOU sometimes ask C to take his sister. It doesn't always seem to be about him wanting to, even if he's cool with her going).
If I were those parents, I'd be annoyed that you send both kids w/o asking them if it's o.k. So.... it goes both ways and I think it might be time for someone (you, since you're the one asking about this) to go over and try to create some kind of relationship with them - even if it's just to open lines of communication about the kids.
I tell them to go ask if Harry can play over here or ask if it is ok to play there. They report back that it is ok. I don't just send my kids over to play.
But it sounds like E is the sticky point here, not C. They may be perfectly willing to have the two older boys play together because they're old enough to be left alone, but the addition of an (uninvited?) 5 year old increases the parental supervision necessary and the neighbors don't like that being sprung on them. I'd let the boys play back and forth at houses like before and just encourage E to play at houses that have kids more at her age level.
This situation sounds a little annoying but it's still one I'd be glad to have - we are one of the only houses with young kids in our 'hood and there are zero kids for DS1 to go play with.
I see their point of view. I would be thinking the same thing honestly, I don't like having responsibility for other people's kids. But they should have talked to you, not punished your son.
So I just told H he should call them tonight to find out what really happened. His response "you are still thinking about that?"
My DH thinks half the things I worry about are silly. I tell him that he has the luxury of thinking that XYZ is silly, because I do the worrying for both of us.
I agree that the other parents handled this oddly. However, the lack of communciation between the parents seems to go both ways. You don't seem to talk to them either and you just decide to send DD with C (you did say in your OP that YOU sometimes ask C to take his sister. It doesn't always seem to be about him wanting to, even if he's cool with her going).
If I were those parents, I'd be annoyed that you send both kids w/o asking them if it's o.k. So.... it goes both ways and I think it might be time for someone (you, since you're the one asking about this) to go over and try to create some kind of relationship with them - even if it's just to open lines of communication about the kids.
I tell them to go ask if Harry can play over here or ask if it is ok to play there. They report back that it is ok. I don't just send my kids over to play. Perhaps in the future I should just have C call and see if kid wants to come over.
Right, but it's still you putting it on C to handle. And then if the option to go inside their house comes up - C has been told by you that he can't do that. Again- what do you think the message is that THEY are getting when C tells them "i'm not allowed to".
I really think that the parents (you and them) need to have some kind of talk/ understanding. Tell them yourself that the reason you always want C outside is that 1- you want to be able to watch him so that it's not on them and 2- you don't want them to feel they have to "babysit" him. And find out how they feel about that. Again, they might prefer that sometimes the kids come inside and dont not mind being responsible.
I'm friends w/ most of DSs neighborhood friends - so I expect in the next couple years, there will be a lot of us texting/checking in to make sure that whatever the kids are up to is o.k. w/ the parents. But there is one family that keeps to themselves and I'm really not friends with. DS likes their boys, though, after the ONE time we've ever been around them.
If it were actually to come to fruition that DS started playing w/ them (and I can see their house from my house), I would absolutely go over and talk to the parents and just make sure we're on the same page. I don't want them to be uncomfortable, and vice versa.
Again - I very much feel they handled the situation VERY poorly. It's not on them to punish your child. But at the same time- you haven't said that you've ever had any kind of talk w/ them to gain an understanding of what works for them vs what works for you. They are wrong to put C in the middle of this, but YOU put C in the middle too.
I'm making assumptions here, but if, when invited, C says "I'm not allowed inside" (or something to that affect), the parents might very well be like "WTF is wrong w/ our house? Our kids good enough to play with, but only outside???" and they are pissy about you/ the rules as they perceive them to be.
And when I say talk to them - I don't mean some formal sit down. Just a casual - you walk over w/ C one day and just be like "Oh, I've always told C not to go inside because I just feel bad. I don't want him to be too much of an imposition on you!" and then I'd expect they'd say something like "Oh- it's not. We really don't mind. Harry really wants to show C some of his toys!".
If from this, you think "o.k. cool, I'll let C go in", you can tell them "Well, PLEASE, as soon as you're ready for the play time to end, just tell C it's time to come home.".
So I just told H he should call them tonight to find out what really happened. His response "you are still thinking about that?"
My DH thinks half the things I worry about are silly. I tell him that he has the luxury of thinking that XYZ is silly, because I do the worrying for both of us.
I am by far the more laid back parent which tells me I am making something out of nothing.