I have no right to be mad...right?

[cjeanette]

C plays with a boy his age across the street. I don't mind if this boy comes over whenever. I even let him crash C's bday party.

He always asks to go play over there. I typically prefer he sticks to playing outside and ask him to take his sister with him. In turn he sometimes takes her to play with a girl her age.

So today he goes to play basketball with this boy and the dad says he is banned from playing with boy for 2 days since he came over with Eleanor. I guess the mom had told C this weekend she didn't want him bring her with him when he came to play...even in the yard which I can see from my house. She says it is too many kids to watch. C never mentioned this until today.

I'm pissed. They never go in the house without invitation. I told C I would prefer in the future he only play with the boy in our yard and house. Of course C is upset by this.

I really have no reason to be pissed right?

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[Deleted]

Not really. It's annoying but within their right. Mostly I think the dad is sucky for imposing the 2 day rule instead of just reminding your son of the new rule.

I think I'd still allow son to play over there. He shouldn't be "punished" for a situation he has no control over.

[Becca]

Right. Your kid didn't follow their family's rules. So their mom is trying to drive her point home.

Not sure what there is to be mad about. Other than maybe that the mom didn't call you. But if your son is old enough to go to a neighbor's alone, he is old enough to follow their rules and/ or tell you about them.

Sorry that they created an akward situation

[drloretta]

I'm so confused. I think you need to talk to the parents and not rely on your kids to tell you what's going down.

[pugz]

none of this makes any sense to me

[zeewifeandmama]

Eh not really. I'd be a little irritated that the parents didn't say something to YOU. But, that might be wrong of me too.

[cjeanette]

Mar 12, 2014 21:50:33 GMT -5 pugz said:

none of this makes any sense to me

Neighbors are ok with C coming over but not E. Told C this. He brought E to play in their driveway today. Was told he was banned from playing with their son for two days because of this.

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[cjeanette]

I guess I am annoyed because if the tables were turned I would never not welcome both kids in my home. We pretty much never turn away kids who want to play.

Also if you have a problem with me letting my 9 year be in charge of his 5 year old sister outside where I can view them then friggin pick up the phone or knock on my door.

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[ilikedonuts]

Why the f didn't the mom just call you and tell you she'd rather just have C over for the time being?

[Deleted]

Eh, I see why you are annoyed, but I can see their point too. In fact, if the mom posted that her neighbor was sending her son and his sister over to her yard for her to "babysit," everyone would be up in arms about that. I wouldn't get too upset, obviously they feel like having your daughter in their yard makes her their responsibility and they don't want to deal with it. I'd just tell C to stay in your yard when he's with E or let him go over alone. No big deal.

[dbsk8dance]

They should have called you, but it's their house, their rules.

[winecheery]

I think they handled it very, very poorly, and for that you can certainly be annoyed. But to be mad about them not wanting to have your DS bring his DD along to play with their son…well, you can be mad about it, but it's *their* right to control who plays in/on their property, don't you think?

Sorry, it sounds so awkward. But to answer your question, I don't think you necessarily have a "right" to be mad that they don't want your DD coming along.

[cjeanette]

Mar 12, 2014 22:03:40 GMT -5 @arya said:

Eh, I see why you are annoyed, but I can see their point too. In fact, if the mom posted that her neighbor was sending her son and his sister over to her yard for her to "babysit," everyone would be up in arms about that. I wouldn't get too upset, obviously they feel like having your daughter in their yard makes her their responsibility and they don't want to deal with it. I'd just tell C to stay in your yard when he's with E or let him go over alone. No big deal.

I just told C he was welcome to invite friend over but I didn't want him over there. I don't let my kids go over there to be babysat. Hell, the parents agree even outside. So from now on we can be the "babysitters".

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[Brie]

I'd be annoyed. It's their right, but it's kind of a dumb rule IMO. And the execution was poor and if I was in E's shoes I'd be sad and embarrassed.

Having met your kids on more than one occasion they are not hooligans and I imagine C would look out for E.

[pugz]

yeah it is just not very neighborly.

[Deleted]

Mar 12, 2014 22:09:19 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

Mar 12, 2014 22:03:40 GMT -5 @arya said:

Eh, I see why you are annoyed, but I can see their point too. In fact, if the mom posted that her neighbor was sending her son and his sister over to her yard for her to "babysit," everyone would be up in arms about that. I wouldn't get too upset, obviously they feel like having your daughter in their yard makes her their responsibility and they don't want to deal with it. I'd just tell C to stay in your yard when he's with E or let him go over alone. No big deal.

I just told C he was welcome to invite friend over but I didn't want him over there. I don't let my kids go over there to be babysat. Hell, the parents agree even outside. So from now on we can be the "babysitters".

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I know you aren't sending them over there to be babysat, I'm just saying I think that's how the parents are viewing it. Believe me, I understand your point, I just think the other parents have a different point of view (liability, whatever) and that's why they are acting rude/weird from your perspective. 

[cjeanette]

Mar 12, 2014 22:14:32 GMT -5 @arya said:

Mar 12, 2014 22:09:19 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

I just told C he was welcome to invite friend over but I didn't want him over there. I don't let my kids go over there to be babysat. Hell, the parents agree even outside. So from now on we can be the "babysitters".

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I know you aren't sending them over there to be babysat, I'm just saying I think that's how the parents are viewing it. Believe me, I understand your point, I just think the other parents have a different point of view (liability, whatever) and that's why they are acting rude/weird from your perspective. 

Oh I didn't mean to make it sound like you were making thst accusation. I was agreeing that they probably see it thay way.

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[fortmyersbride]

Mar 12, 2014 22:09:19 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

Mar 12, 2014 22:03:40 GMT -5 @arya said:

Eh, I see why you are annoyed, but I can see their point too. In fact, if the mom posted that her neighbor was sending her son and his sister over to her yard for her to "babysit," everyone would be up in arms about that. I wouldn't get too upset, obviously they feel like having your daughter in their yard makes her their responsibility and they don't want to deal with it. I'd just tell C to stay in your yard when he's with E or let him go over alone. No big deal.

I just told C he was welcome to invite friend over but I didn't want him over there. I don't let my kids go over there to be babysat. Hell, the parents agree even outside. So from now on we can be the "babysitters".

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I understand being annoyed with the way they handled it.  They feel like they're "responsible" for E when she's in their yard and don't want to be...ok, tell you not your other child.  The other mom essentially made C the middle man and then punished him when he didn't do it right.  It's ok to not want more than one kid at their house, but the way they went about it is weird and standoffish.

Our neighborhood is like a gang of roving kids from age 5-10.  On snow days, weekend days, and summer days, they move en masse from house to backyard to next house.  I don't ever feeling like I'm "watching" the gang, and I don't expect the other parents to supervise my kids either.  We communicate by text or walk to the next house down if we're looking to round up our own kids, and everyone feels free to send home the other kids if they don't want the group at their house that day.  But I've never felt like I was babysitting, even the youngest.

[redheadk]

I can see why they are annoyed but I would be pretty fucking annoyed about someone grounding my child because of something I did (sent his sister over). That is really something they should have addressed with you and not with a child.

[redheadk]

Mar 12, 2014 22:20:22 GMT -5 fortmyersbride said:

Mar 12, 2014 22:09:19 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

I just told C he was welcome to invite friend over but I didn't want him over there. I don't let my kids go over there to be babysat. Hell, the parents agree even outside. So from now on we can be the "babysitters".

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I understand being annoyed with the way they handled it.  They feel like they're "responsible" for E when she's in their yard and don't want to be...ok, tell you not your other child.  The other mom essentially made C the middle man and then punished him when he didn't do it right.  It's ok to not want more than one kid at their house, but the way they went about it is weird and standoffish.

Our neighborhood is like a gang of roving kids from age 5-10.  On snow days, weekend days, and summer days, they move en masse from house to backyard to next house.  I don't ever feeling like I'm "watching" the gang, and I don't expect the other parents to supervise my kids either.  We communicate by text or walk to the next house down if we're looking to round up our own kids, and everyone feels free to send home the other kids if they don't want the group at their house that day.  But I've never felt like I was babysitting, even the youngest.

You said this so much better than me!

[cjeanette]

Mar 12, 2014 22:20:22 GMT -5 fortmyersbride said:

Mar 12, 2014 22:09:19 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

I just told C he was welcome to invite friend over but I didn't want him over there. I don't let my kids go over there to be babysat. Hell, the parents agree even outside. So from now on we can be the "babysitters".

Sent from my SPH-L710 using proboards

I understand being annoyed with the way they handled it.  They feel like they're "responsible" for E when she's in their yard and don't want to be...ok, tell you not your other child.  The other mom essentially made C the middle man and then punished him when he didn't do it right.  It's ok to not want more than one kid at their house, but the way they went about it is weird and standoffish.

Our neighborhood is like a gang of roving kids from age 5-10.  On snow days, weekend days, and summer days, they move en masse from house to backyard to next house.  I don't ever feeling like I'm "watching" the gang, and I don't expect the other parents to supervise my kids either.  We communicate by text or walk to the next house down if we're looking to round up our own kids, and everyone feels free to send home the other kids if they don't want the group at their house that day.  But I've never felt like I was babysitting, even the youngest.

This is exactly what my hood is like. My only rule is C needs to come home and tell me when he is changing houses which he does. E doesn't go by herself.

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[vanillacourage]

Mar 12, 2014 22:20:22 GMT -5 fortmyersbride said:

Mar 12, 2014 22:09:19 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

I just told C he was welcome to invite friend over but I didn't want him over there. I don't let my kids go over there to be babysat. Hell, the parents agree even outside. So from now on we can be the "babysitters".

Sent from my SPH-L710 using proboards

I understand being annoyed with the way they handled it.  They feel like they're "responsible" for E when she's in their yard and don't want to be...ok, tell you not your other child.  The other mom essentially made C the middle man and then punished him when he didn't do it right.  It's ok to not want more than one kid at their house, but the way they went about it is weird and standoffish.

I agree with this. I know I would feel like I had to keep an eye on a five year old playing at my house (esp outside near the street) even if their older sibling was there, and it's ok for the parents not to want to deal with that. But they should have talked to you directly instead of putting your son in the middle.

ETA - something about making your kids into a package deal doesn't sit entirely right with me, esp given their big age range. Just my proverbial 2 cents.

[CloudBee]

Why do you make him take his little sister when he goes to play? My parents used to make my sister drag me along, and it damaged our relationship. She was resentful and unkind out of earshot.

[cjeanette]

He doesn't always have to take his sister but there are times he wants to include and and there are times she wants to be and I ask him to. They aren't a package deal by force. They enjoy playing together and I don't consider 3 years a huge age range. Its not like all the kids playing are C's age. They range from 5 - 13

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[cjeanette]

Mar 12, 2014 22:37:04 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

Are you sending her with him because you don't trust the family? (Same reason you want them to play outside?) That is the part I'm confused about.

Oh no. I have no reason not to trust them. I prefer the kids stay outside so I can see them and so they aren't a bother to others.

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[cjeanette]

Mar 12, 2014 22:33:29 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Why do you make him take his little sister when he goes to play? My parents used to make my sister drag me along, and it damaged our relationship. She was resentful and unkind out of earshot.

If he was unkind to her when I was not around she would let me know it right away. She doesn't mess around. Lol


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[Deleted]

I think that's really weird and passive aggressive to tell your son and not call you to make her wishes known.

[sent]

Mar 12, 2014 23:33:29 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

I think that's really weird and passive aggressive to tell your son and not call you to make her wishes known.

I was just thinking it seems passive aggressive to me also.  

[ECB]

I agree that the other parents handled this oddly.  However, the lack of communciation between the parents seems to go both ways.  You don't seem to talk to them either and you just decide to send DD with C (you did say in your OP that YOU sometimes ask C to take his sister.  It doesn't always seem to be about him wanting to, even if he's cool with her going).  

If I were those parents, I'd be annoyed that you send both kids w/o asking them if it's o.k.  
So.... it goes both ways and I think it might be time for someone (you, since you're the one asking about this) to go over and try to create some kind of relationship with them - even if it's just to open lines of communication about the kids. 

[ECB]

Mar 12, 2014 22:41:36 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

Oh no. I have no reason not to trust them. I prefer the kids stay outside so I can see them and so they aren't a bother to others.

For the fact that there doesn't seem to be any actual communication directly between you and the other parents, I'm trying to put myself in their shoes.

1- you send both kids over.  it may not be your intention, but I can absolutely see how they might feel like you're pushing off your kids on them so that you can... whatever, relax, read a book... basically not be responsible.

2- while your intention of the kids being outside is so that you can see them, all those parents might know is that (let's say) they invite your son to come inside because they don't feel like being outside themselves - or keeping an eye outside.  And your son just says "I'm not allowed in your house.". 

How do you think that sounds to them?  Probably like you don't trust them.  And now they are stuck w/ possibly BOTH your kids and they'd rather all the kids come inside, but they can't because you won't let your son inside. 

I'm not saying any of this to say you're wrong for feeling how you feel.  BUT I absolutely would not be surprised if there are a lot of misperceptions about motives and in turn they are pissy at how they perceive this is all going down.