Post by Mrs.Beagle on Jul 10, 2012 12:33:01 GMT -5
Background: My dad and his brother had a falling out years ago and have a strained relationship. My aunt and uncle said some very hurtful things about my parents. Over the years there has been some reconciliation, but we're not close. They reached out to me last September and I saw them for the first time in years. They also attended my wedding 8 months ago, but we haven't spoken since.
My oldest cousin graduated college, and I got an invitation to her graduation party. My parents were not invited, nor would they attend if they were.
H will be OOT. I would not know anyone other than my aunt, uncle, and cousins. I have barely spoken to my cousins in the last 10 years.
I feel like I should attend. They reached out to me. I can go into NY and then stop by the party on the way home.
Jeez, I probably wouldn't even travel for the graduation party of a cousin I was close with, so there's no way I would travel for one I haven't seen in years and with whose parents I had a strained relationship. I also can't really relate to wanting to cultivate a relationship with people who said awful things about my parents.
Do you want to go? You've said you feel like you should, but IMO that's irrelevant. You don't have to do things just because they want you to.
I would strongly consider it, and would try to go. It wasn't your falling out. Just because you haven't seen them in a while, doesn't mean your relationship with them won't fall right back into place. Sometimes when you see old friends/family after years, it's as if you've never been apart.
As an adult, I'm trying to reach out to family members my parents have drifted apart from. In some instances I've been able to strenghten relationships I never had the opportunity to foster as a kid/college student.
I think it's worth a shot. You may enjoy the visit!
I don't know if emotionally I can visit both my grandfather and my cousins in the same day, which is the only way I would travel up there.
Yeah, that's tough, but it's only one day. It's not a week.
Does your gut want to be talked into it? I would just hate for you to have regrets, and not have another easy opportunity like this, where you can reconnect with them on a casual basis.
I like the idea of popping by briefly, as you "breeze through town", per se.
Post by MadamePresident on Jul 10, 2012 13:33:38 GMT -5
I would probably send a card and money, but not go. Maybe you would have a good time, but it seems like it might be more awkward than anything. Its kind of far, espicially for someone you are not close to.
This is totally a "if I have nothing better to do" situation for me. As tacky as it may be, I'd wait until as late as possible to RSVP and if I had nothing else going on, I might go. But if something else came up, I would not give up on that event to go to a graduation party that I'm not sure I want to go to.
I had to come back to this - you haven't seen them in 8 months. Is this really them "reaching out" or is it them feeling "Oh, it's a big event. She invited us to her wedding, so we "have" to invite her to this"??
On one hand, it's great that some wounds are perhaps healing. But at the same time, what's the point of reconcillation if everyone is doing what they feel they "have" to do vs what they WANT to do?