I am highly amused that I was right about liu, and that I told you all about her disorder but none of you would listen.
It looks like I broke my promise, but what can I say? I'm dying for attention. Plus there were a few unanswered questions, or rather comments, that I wish to address.
Doris said that if I posted again that it wouldn't do me any favors, and she said my "closure thread" was crap. Well, you are wrong. If you were half the social worker that you claim to be, then you should have atleast a basic understanding of psychology, which you clearly lack.
Which is of no surprise to me, considering I've been in the hospital 9 times in the last few months due to mental health reasons, and every single social worker that I've had to deal with has been completely clueless. The same goes for these worthless therapists that I have had to see time and again. They are worthless and know nothing.
If you even had a basic understanding of psychology, you would know that histrionics and even narcissists live through a "false self". Both deny the existence of their true self on a subconscious level, and are convinced that their false self persona is their true self. It is a defense mechanism, because they both harbor deep repressed feelings and hurt, with which the false self helps them to adapt and to function in the real world.
As what happened to me. Histrionics have learned maladaptive behavior, and are for the most part unaware of the impact their behavior has on others. For instance, when I was here and active before, I kept getting accused of seeking validation. I didn't see it because in my eyes, I thought I just had a little low self esteem and needed just a little reassurance now and then. I had no idea that I was seeking so much validation and was such an attention seeker.
But needless to say, I am dissapointed that your (I am assuming) 4 year psychology degree has failed to help you see that. Needless to say, I had to correct that.
The problem is, being a histrionic, I am dramatic, I catastrophize everything, I need constant attention. Without attention I feel invisible, unnoticed, and feel like I have no existence, which makes me severely depressed, and even suicidal at times. Because I feel like I have no worth. Which is the reason I have been to the hospital so many times.
I have recently started seeing a psychologist, and through her and my own deep reflections I have gained great understanding into myself. She gets me, and I hope in time I can learn to work through my issues and find some peace in my life, and ways to cope and to manage my disorders.
I have a very deep inner hurt that has surfaced on occasion, that I began to touch through my deep reflections. I know that it started with my mom at a very early age. My mother instilled strong feelings of shame and worthlessness in me. I grew up in a very abusive home, and was neglected and invalidated by her.
I was misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It closely mimicks histrionic in some ways, but there are key differences. Officially, I have histrionic and antisocial personality disorder and there is the strong possibility of narcissistic traits. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD from severe trauma I experienced as a child.
As a histrionic, I need attention so much because of a fundamental lack of self worth. I find my sense of self worth in others. I need reassurance, approval and praise. I am also highly sensitive to criticism and disapproval.
I am a hermit. I have no friends in real life, and so I seek attention online. I hardly talk to my mother any more, she is still very abusive and invalidating to me, as she has been my entire life. I hate her with all of my heart. She has caused me the most hurt of all.
One other thing. Because I have needed acceptance and approval so desperately from others most of my life, my false self persona was an act. I became a chameleon of sorts, which while that is a borderline trait, I basically became what I thought others wanted me to be, to find that acceptance and approval I have so desperately needed. Because I felt unacceptable. But I convinced myself through a lot of self denial and repressed feelings, that it was who I really was.
What I spoke of in my "closure thread", although I have a much greater understanding of it now then I did then, was simply that I woke up and came to the truth about myself and what I had been doing all of these years. It was very eye opening.
Anyone with a basic understanding of psychology can understand this.
So I am posting this, because I am in desperate need for attention, and well, my favorite topic of discussion is me. But also I wished to clear any misconceptions about my previous thread.
I am highly amused that I was right about liu and that none of you listened to me, but what can I say? Atleast I can admit what I am and be honest about myself.
Anything to say? Say it. I'm all ears. But you know the saying, treat me with respect, and I'll treat you with respect. So far none has been forthcoming since I was ousted a year ago.
Listen, bitch. You don't know me. You may think you do with all of your diagnoses and time spent in mental health units. You don't. You know yourself, and even then I think you're confused.
The fact that you're so amused with my life and my shortcomings is just ridiculous. Worry about yourself, since the topic of discussion is you, you, you.
I've got too much on my plate for this bullshit. If you weren't across the country, I'd call you out in real life for a fight. Let me tell you something, man/woman/whatever, I'd still win.
There is no need to reply. Just talking about myself and knowing others are viewing this thread helps, and I feel better. I just needed to be heard. Thank you for listening.
I hate this need for supply (attention), but it is what it is. It amazes me just how self-centered and self-absorbed I really am. I guess when you're a certain way for so long, it's easy to not see certain things about yourself that others can see in you.
I love attention and being the center of it, and I love showing myself off. It's just the way it is.
Lies have been spread about me in the past, and I will say that they are lies. But whatever.
Thank you for hearing me. It helps and I do appreciate it. All the best to everyone.
^ ^ I appreciate the sentiment sweetchix, but things change, and so do people. Atleast for once in my life I am self aware and have begun working on myself. Be as it may, I have a long way to go. I'm still at the mercy of my disorder and it will be some time before I can move past it to a point of finding peace and being more self-sustaining. It wont happen over night.
As with this place, I am still sentimental and miss the feeling of being part of a community. Atleast I can be honest about myself and admit any shortcomings of mine. Nobody is perfect.
Post by stephreloaded on Mar 14, 2014 10:17:06 GMT -5
OMG doriswe, Gothchick is right, you need to give your license back. I mean, you really suck because you couldn't completely diagnose a person just by reading her posts.
I was never asking for her diagnosis, but even still, what she said was wrong, and calling my thread crap was wrong. She knows nothing of what I experienced, and had she been well versed in psychology, she would have known that I was right. But it is no surprise to me, as every single social worker and therapist that I have discussed this with, has been absolutely clueless with these issues. I find it rather ironic that it takes a PhD level psychologist to understand, but it doesn't matter.
Ultimately, it changes nothing however. Truth is truth, no matter how anybody wishes to interpret it.
I was never asking for her diagnosis, but even still, what she said was wrong, and calling my thread crap was wrong. She knows nothing of what I experienced, and had she been well versed in psychology, she would have known that I was right. But it is no surprise to me, as every single social worker and therapist that I have discussed this with, has been absolutely clueless with these issues. I find it rather ironic that it takes a PhD level psychologist to understand, but it doesn't matter.
Ultimately, it changes nothing however. Truth is truth, no matter how anybody wishes to interpret it.
I think it makes perfect sense that a PhD pyschologist would be the one to understand, because that is their job, where as people with bachelors degrees in pyschology are not in any way trained to deal with the type of mental health issues you describe. I think you should stick to the phD as your primary source of information and try not to worry about what everyone else thinks.
sincerely, holder of a bachelors degree in psychology
This place is a one-trick pony. You all are allowing this.
What does that mean?
Edit:
It is amazing what you can find in google, and you are right. It amazes me too, considering that I made no effort to hide my intentions and even spelled it out quite clearly and still hardly anybody could see it.
I came here for attention.
But still it was nice to talk to some of you however. You have my thanks.
You see, I find it rather hypocritical after all of her bullshit, that liu is welcomed back. She keeps coming back but I am tagged as the reject. It's ok for you all to complain about your problems, but I am not allowed to talk about mine. Can you not see the hypocrisy? You are blind if you cannot see it.
Every time I have come back I have wanted to reintegrate into this community, though I always knew that was an impossibility, so I used you for attention instead. But I've been wanting to come back since I was ousted a year ago. Well whatever. I don't mind saying that your rejection of me does hurt though.
Thank you for the attention however. I needed it and you do have my thanks. I'm out of here. Maybe for good. I'm getting a little tired of this cycle.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
You see, I find it rather hypocritical after all of her bullshit, that liu is welcomed back. She keeps coming back but I am tagged as the reject. It's ok for you all to complain about your problems, but I am not allowed to talk about mine. Can you not see the hypocrisy? You are blind if you cannot see it.
Every time I have come back I have wanted to reintegrate into this community, though I always knew that was an impossibility, so I used you for attention instead. But I've been wanting to come back since I was ousted a year ago. Well whatever. I don't mind saying that your rejection of me does hurt though.
Thank you for the attention however. I needed it and you do have my thanks. I'm out of here. Maybe for good. I'm getting a little tired of this cycle.
See you around.
For the record, I was not referring to you, specifically.
But this post is a great example of the cycle of things here. And people wonder why there is no fresh blood, and no one wants to contribute anything.
It's this type of thing.
I do not know your history, your history with liu, and I actually could not even make sense of some of your posts.
(I do not want or need clarification.)
Not everyone is a fan of the merry go round which is Liu. In fact, it's not even interesting at this point. (Talk to your mom. Don't. Divorce. Don't. Buy hair extensions. Don't. Pffft.)
I think you seem like a weird hanger-on in all this.
If you come back, why not post about other stuff? Move on.
You see, I find it rather hypocritical after all of her bullshit, that liu is welcomed back. She keeps coming back but I am tagged as the reject. It's ok for you all to complain about your problems, but I am not allowed to talk about mine. Can you not see the hypocrisy? You are blind if you cannot see it.
Every time I have come back I have wanted to reintegrate into this community, though I always knew that was an impossibility, so I used you for attention instead. But I've been wanting to come back since I was ousted a year ago. Well whatever. I don't mind saying that your rejection of me does hurt though.
Thank you for the attention however. I needed it and you do have my thanks. I'm out of here. Maybe for good. I'm getting a little tired of this cycle.
See you around.
For the record, I was not referring to you, specifically.
But this post is a great example of the cycle of things here. And people wonder why there is no fresh blood, and no one wants to contribute anything.
It's this type of thing.
I do not know your history, your history with liu, and I actually could not even make sense of some of your posts.
(I do not want or need clarification.)
Not everyone is a fan of the merry go round which is Liu. In fact, it's not even interesting at this point. (Talk to your mom. Don't. Divorce. Don't. Buy hair extensions. Don't. Pffft.)
I think you seem like a weird hanger-on in all this.
If you come back, why not post about other stuff? Move on.
@booby between the multiple accounts that she was found to be associated with and the suicide threats, this poster was deemed a fake and a liability. Unfortunately she cannot be blocked bc it's a mobile ISP which would block other users however the mods and global mods have cautioned people not to engage, ever again, with the poster.
That is a freaking lie, MCC, and you know it. All the pics I posted of me were real. I was a male to female transsexual, and goth.
Secondly, it was after I made that pic that looked similiar to yours, of my hair style and glasses the same, of which you said I was SWF'ing you, that you were up in arms and the accusations began.
I have been honest and authentic about myself from the beginning, and it is you that has been spreading lies about me.
I am not a fake and it pisses me off that you accuse me of being such. I have shared a lot of personal things about myself at this place, and I resent your accusations. You are a liar.