Intro (long)

[kristinschmistin]

Hi all... I'm Kristin.  I wanted to post here because although I post on another private board - their similar board is dead.  All great ladies, but I like to keep the chit chat going.  Anyway a little about me- I've been divorced and since have re-married.  I have one DS from my first marriage- he's 5.  Awesome kid all around.  I have a new little guy from this marriage- he's 6 months old.  All is well on the home front.

My ex husband is and always will be a problem.  He's always starting shit. We divorced because he was violent.  Actually, there were 99 problems with the marriage.  I didn't see any red flags from the beginning- but now looking back I see them.  All of the "classic" (and some very subtle, innocuous) signs of an abuser.

He didn't become physically violent until after DS was born.  Then, when he did become violent, that was the final straw on an already crumbling marriage.

I filed for an order of protection immediately, he had to leave the home, stay away from me completely, no contact, etc.  Long divorce battle ensued, over custody mainly because we had no "assets" - he continued to violate the orders of protection, coming to my house, being violent, I had to then file consequential violations and he was charged/convicted with a lot.  

Getting out of a relationship with someone who is abusive is almost harder than being in it.  I will likely post about other stuff that he did later on, because it's stuff that stays with me.  I need to get it off my chest.  It's really bad stuff.

It was a horrible divorce, a long custody battle, but the really shitty shit is over now.

There is a good ending- I had (and have) custody of our son.  He has minimal visits- only a couple of hours.  I fought that all the way, because of his violence towards me, his drinking/pills, but the courts here believe that as long as he's never "hurt" our son, he should see him in some capacity.  So as far as DS is concerned- everything is hunky dory - he doesn't know about the bad stuff because- obviously- he's five.

So now I'm happily re-married to a guy who passed all of the tests and checks for any red flags.  It's just a normal, really drama-free, happy relationship.  My parents and siblings (and extended family) are awesome and totally supportive - and were great through the divorce.

I still have some issues about my past with my ex husband- I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, situational depression, and PTSD- although I'm past the PTSD point now- I still do have triggers that make me extremely anxious.  I still work through those with my Dr, and bikram yoga/running/meds all help.  I made it out in one piece, virtually unscathed.  I am so lucky.

Well.  That got long.     But I just wanted to introduce- with a history of what I've dealt with - a hellatious divorce, very manipulative/controlling/abusive ex, custody battle, etc.  I hope I can give good advice to all of you if you need it, and have good conversations- I read through some of the threads and it seems like a pretty good group.  

/FIN

[partiallysunny]

Welcome.

I'm sort of pissed your ex gets to see your son.

[kristinschmistin]

Thanks! Yeah... believe me, me too. It sucks.

[margarita]

Welcome!

I'm sorry for everything you went through with your XH, but it sounds like you are a lot happier now. That is great.

[motzie]

Howdy! Welcome! That is quite an ordeal I'm with PS. I can't believe that you have to deal with him for visitation.

Where in NY are you? (Of course only divulge as much as you feel comfortable) I'm in western NY.

Coffee or tea?

Bacon or no?

[tiramisu]

Welcome! Good for you for getting yourself out.

And Ugh at what you've been through and that the doucher gets to see your son. Courts need to recognize that witnessing domestic violence (even when it's not clear the infant or child witnessed it) is more harmful to children than being hit themselves. I get angry about this subject, but I won't go off on a tangent now. Again, welcome.

[kristinschmistin]

Mar 19, 2014 11:40:50 GMT -5 motzie said:

Howdy! Welcome! That is quite an ordeal I'm with PS. I can't believe that you have to deal with him for visitation.

Where in NY are you? (Of course only divulge as much as you feel comfortable) I'm in western NY.

Coffee or tea?

Bacon or no?

Rochester!  

Coffee, intraveneously.  

BACON ALL THE TIME.  Even on cupcakes.  

[kristinschmistin]

Mar 19, 2014 11:45:26 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

Welcome! Good for you for getting yourself out.

And Ugh at what you've been through and that the doucher gets to see your son. Courts need to recognize that witnessing domestic violence (even when it's not clear the infant or child witnessed it) is more harmful to children than being hit themselves. I get angry about this subject, but I won't go off on a tangent now. Again, welcome.

Yeah I get heated about it, too.  I totally agree with you.  I have to get a little "namaste" about it or I will get ragey.... I feel like even if the dad is a drug addict or abusive they want him to be involved in some form.

This one family court judge (not ours, thank god) even will issue visits to fathers who are serving time in jail/prison for abusing/killing/raping the mom.  So these poor kids have to go to JAIL VISITS.  Insane. 

[tiramisu]

Mar 19, 2014 11:49:30 GMT -5 kristinschmistin said:

Mar 19, 2014 11:45:26 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

Welcome! Good for you for getting yourself out.

And Ugh at what you've been through and that the doucher gets to see your son. Courts need to recognize that witnessing domestic violence (even when it's not clear the infant or child witnessed it) is more harmful to children than being hit themselves. I get angry about this subject, but I won't go off on a tangent now. Again, welcome.

Yeah I get heated about it, too.  I totally agree with you.  I have to get a little "namaste" about it or I will get ragey.... I feel like even if the dad is a drug addict or abusive they want him to be involved in some form.

This one family court judge (not ours, thank god) even will issue visits to fathers who are serving time in jail/prison for abusing/killing/raping the mom.  So these poor kids have to go to JAIL VISITS.  Insane. 

That is SO fucked up!

[gault]

Yesssss, one more for the bacon army. You hear me, smock??

Welcome to the board. There are many of us who also got away from abusive marriages - you're not alone. And I'm so sorry that your son still has to be a part of his brand of crazy. Vent all you need to.

[smock]

Mar 19, 2014 12:16:10 GMT -5 gault said:

Yesssss, one more for the bacon army. You hear me, smock??

[kristinschmistin]

For some reason I remember that smock hates bacon... This was posted about before on TIP on TB, no? (I've posted there, as well)

[smock]

Mar 19, 2014 12:24:56 GMT -5 kristinschmistin said:

For some reason I remember that smock hates bacon... This was posted about before on TIP on TB, no? (I've posted there, as well)

I'm glad to hear my reputation precedes me!

And welcome!

[Chirp]

Mar 19, 2014 11:46:43 GMT -5 kristinschmistin said:

Mar 19, 2014 11:40:50 GMT -5 motzie said:

Howdy! Welcome! That is quite an ordeal I'm with PS. I can't believe that you have to deal with him for visitation.

Where in NY are you? (Of course only divulge as much as you feel comfortable) I'm in western NY.

Coffee or tea?

Bacon or no?

Rochester!  

Coffee, intraveneously.  

BACON ALL THE TIME.  Even on cupcakes.  

Welcome to the bacon army. Here's your tiara...

[Deleted]

Welcome aboard the crazy train!

[kristinschmistin]

Mar 19, 2014 15:40:10 GMT -5 mags said:

Welcome aboard the crazy train!

Ha.  Thanks!  

Love the bacon crown.  So hungreh.

[captainmel]

Welcome to the most awesome corner of the internet!!

Good for you for getting out of a terrible situation.

[kristinschmistin]

Thanks ... quick question for you guys- is there a character limit to signatures? I was trying to put a couple pics in the sig... I tried using tinyurl to shorten the links, but that didn't work. Any suggestions?

[partiallysunny]

Viva la Bacon!





(Does that work in English? I don't even know.)

[starrieskies]

sorry I missed this yesterday! Crazy day!

But WELCOME!!!

and Chirp, LOL at the bacon tiara!

[neonpink]

Hi and welcome, I'm glad you are in a much happier drama free place with your new H.

Now I want bacon.