S/O How much time is your h taking off when baby comes?

[shekels1222]

DH took 2 weeks last time. But he slowly went back to work FT during that 2nd week. He took half days, worked from home, etc.

He works from home now (in his office in our backyard) so I'm sure he'll take a few days off and then go back FT and be available if I need him during the week.

[SJ]

Mar 20, 2014 6:57:12 GMT -5 rbp said:

I am hoping that my mom will come down to help for a few weeks (and that I can tolerate her for that long LOL). She loves babies and doesn't work, but she hasn't mentioned anything about it yet.  (wilted)

ASK HER!! She might be hesitant to offer, or think it would be imposing, or not sure what you want. If you think it would be helpful, let her know that.

[sillygoosegirl]

We haven't decided on how much time we will each take off initially, but we when we go back to work, we plan to each work half time the first year.

[melsamoony]

H will take off two weeks and do two weeks part time. This is all very flexible and open for change if needed.

He works from home 4 days a week so he will be available to help if I need it even when he is working.

[catsarecute]

Probably two weeks right after the baby is born and then hopefully more later. He gets anxious about taking time off of work and has a turnaround scheduled for June (he works at a refinery) so from June-August, he can't take time off. Hopefully when that is over, he can use more of his FMLA time just a few days a week.

[FastHands]

Mar 20, 2014 9:43:34 GMT -5 luckydog said:

Mar 20, 2014 6:52:39 GMT -5 FastHands said:

I'm a little sad about this at the moment. We planned on 2 weeks, but DH's company dissolved, and the position he got transferred to in the parent company just blows. He started job hunting immediately, of course, and has found something pretty promising. He should get his offer letter today, but he doesn't have any clue about PTO policy yet. We will all be miserable if he stays where he is, so it's in no way a deal breaker if he doesn't get pto for 6mos or something, but he may not have any time to take off when the baby gets here. Boo.

He could negotiate some time off, even unpaid. But he will want that written into his offer letter. My h is looking for a new job too, and this has been his plan if his pto or schedule flexibility isn't there. I would imagine most people would be understanding.

Yeah, he's going to try. But it's a brand new position with really high expectations, and they've been up front that he is going to have a lot of eyes watching him the first 6mos-1yr, so they may not go for it. They've also significantly bumped his salary compared to what they had planned to pay (he knows the guy he would be working for, so the guy was able to vouch and say eh's worth it), so they may tell him to stfu. lol. So I'm preparing myself for the possibility that he won't get any at all, and hoping that he can work something out.

[picksthemusic]

I think at least 2 weeks. He gets a lot of PTO, so it's not a huge strain on us. Plus he can WFH if he needs to, too, so that's nice.

My mom is coming to stay with us for a week or two once baby gets here, so that'll be nice too.

[aqualuv]

My H is starting a new job next week. So we shall see. I would hope at least a week off.

[rbp]

Mar 20, 2014 8:59:33 GMT -5 SJ said:

Mar 20, 2014 6:57:12 GMT -5 rbp said:

I am hoping that my mom will come down to help for a few weeks (and that I can tolerate her for that long LOL). She loves babies and doesn't work, but she hasn't mentioned anything about it yet.  (wilted)

ASK HER!! She might be hesitant to offer, or think it would be imposing, or not sure what you want. If you think it would be helpful, let her know that.

I'm worried that I might hate myself for it later LOL.

[hokiegirl82]

He's got 8 weeks paid he can take off this year - 4 weeks paid vacation, and 4 weeks paid paternity leave. So he's taking at least 2 weeks off at first after I give birth, then another week later in the summer when we go on vacation for a week, then he'll take another 3 weeks off when I go back to work in September so that baby doesn't have to go to daycare right away. That will leave him with one week left for the rest of the year and he'll take a day here and there.

He can also WFH if needed so I'm sure there will be days during the summer when it's slow that he'll WFH while I'm still on maternity leave.

[scribellesam]

Anywhere from 4-6 weeks. I think he took 5 with DS. It's not paid, exactly, but he'll get some disability through the state and can supplement for the remainder using vacation leave.

[Odonata]

Well, he gets 5 weeks and the more I think about it the more I'm really annoyed he's considering NOT taking it.

He's a tough guy to work around. He often thinks of what is best for him and doesn't take into consideration anyone else.
He started this teaching job in October a few years ago - they had a long term sub up until he started. It's in a rough district with a lot of at-risk kids. Many are in gangs already in his 6th grade class. Because he came in after the start of school and they spent a month with no structure, they were out of control and his entire year sucked (case in point: a student stood up and urinated on H's desk in front of the whole class when H tried to kick him out for being an ass). The second year, where he was able to be there from the start and lay down the law, was much better.

So I get his fear that he is setting himself up for a rough year by being out at all only 1 month into the school year.

But on the other hand, I want him to be there with me to help with the baby. I'm already the traditional "wife" because his sense of housework is nonexistent (mommy did everything for him until I came along). There is no way I can be a mother, house maid, and full time worker - I will go nuts. He needs to learn how to take care of the baby along with me. It can't just be my job. I know what will happen: I will be the only one home with the kid and when I do hand the baby off to him, he won't know how to calm it down or do anything and hand it right back.

What is the right answer here?

[thatgirl2478]

At least a week, but probably not more than that since his clients can't be serviced by anyone else (he's a social worker & counselor).

I'll probably have my mom come over at some point for a few days after his leave is over since I'll be having a 2nd c-section & will need an extra set of hands to help corral the 3yr old and won't be able to drive until after my 10 day appointment.

[kermit]

He only gets 2 weeks of vacation per year and I'm not sure when that starts, so I'm guessing he'll only be able to take a week off. There are a few guys he works with whose wives are due around the same time I am, and a woman who is due within 2 weeks of me, so I'm sure they don't want too many people gone for too long.

[cmarie11]

My husband owns his own business, so he'll probably only take a few days off, and then maybe go back half days for a week or so. Thankfully he can flex his schedule so he can run home often if I need him.

[papie]

Probably just one week. He took two with our girls but it is a busy period at his job so it seems more realistic for one.

[pinotgrig]

Mar 20, 2014 6:57:12 GMT -5 rbp said:

I think a week? He's a medical fellow and doesn't get any paternity leave, and any time he takes off beyond vacation will lengthen his training. And whatever he takes off will have to be covered by someone else, so he doesn't want to put out one of his CWs for too long.

I am hoping that my mom will come down to help for a few weeks (and that I can tolerate her for that long LOL). She loves babies and doesn't work, but she hasn't mentioned anything about it yet.  (wilted)

Could you just flat out ask her? My mom has been super low key about asking me for baby-related things. When I asked her if she'd be willing to come spend a week or two with me after we get home from the hospital, she said she'd been waiting for me to ask since she didn't want to impose (lol).

[robyn]

He can take up to 12 weeks FMLA, and he has about 4 weeks of sick time right now he could use at 100% pay. I think we are along the same lines you are. 2 weeks if it's a vaginal birth, 3 for a c/s. Depending on how much time he has built up by the time I deliver in July, he may take some additional time off after I go back to work so we can delay daycare more.

[FastHands]

Odonota, working has nothing to do with his ability to learn to care for his child. Even if my dh gets 0h off, he will sure as shit be taking the bulk of the baby responsibility when he walks in the door. Stop making excuses. If he says he doesn't know what to do, show him. Then he knows.

[laurack]

Mar 20, 2014 11:49:46 GMT -5 Odonata said:

Well, he gets 5 weeks and the more I think about it the more I'm really annoyed he's considering NOT taking it.

He's a tough guy to work around. He often thinks of what is best for him and doesn't take into consideration anyone else.
He started this teaching job in October a few years ago - they had a long term sub up until he started. It's in a rough district with a lot of at-risk kids. Many are in gangs already in his 6th grade class. Because he came in after the start of school and they spent a month with no structure, they were out of control and his entire year sucked (case in point: a student stood up and urinated on H's desk in front of the whole class when H tried to kick him out for being an ass). The second year, where he was able to be there from the start and lay down the law, was much better.

So I get his fear that he is setting himself up for a rough year by being out at all only 1 month into the school year.

But on the other hand, I want him to be there with me to help with the baby. I'm already the traditional "wife" because his sense of housework is nonexistent (mommy did everything for him until I came along). There is no way I can be a mother, house maid, and full time worker - I will go nuts. He needs to learn how to take care of the baby along with me. It can't just be my job. I know what will happen: I will be the only one home with the kid and when I do hand the baby off to him, he won't know how to calm it down or do anything and hand it right back.

What is the right answer here?

^o)

seriously though? you don't know what the "right answer" is?

umm the right answer is
1) he takes the leave he is entitled to
2) he learns to take care of his child like any father would and should
3) he becomes acquainted with various household items like the mop and the stove (this need not wait until after birth)

[robinsbff]

our plan is 4 weeks. he will use 2 weeks of sick time and 2 weeks of comp time. he can work overtime and bank the time for future use within 6 months. so right now he's working extra time to earn the two weeks of comp time. i will be home a total of 16 weeks with combining my FMLA time with my summer vacation. within that time he will also take at least a week of vacation time for us to travel for his sister's wedding and any other days as needed.

[FastHands]

Mar 20, 2014 14:37:01 GMT -5 laurack said:

seriously though? you don't know what the "right answer" is?

umm the right answer is
1) he takes the leave he is entitled to
2) he learns to take care of his child like any father would and should
3) he becomes acquainted with various household items like the mop and the stove (this need not wait until after birth)

Amen to all, and especially the bolded. When women say their husband is no good at household chores and then blame the man's mother, it makes me seethe. Sure, momma might not have made him do anything. But no one says you have to be his momma for life. Yes, it might be a PITA in the beginning to have to "teach" him how to clean the right way/your way, but it's a whole less painful than taking the burden unto yourself. And then you have, you know, a partner. I could never imagine purposely entering into a parenting arrangement with someone I couldn't count on to be my equal partner in single life.

[FastHands]

Also, laurack, I want your dog. And your kid. And your snow.

[ringstrue]

One week. He isn't that great at cleaning so there is no point in keeping him around longer even if he could . I really need a maid.

[SJ]

Mar 20, 2014 11:49:46 GMT -5 Odonata said:

But on the other hand, I want him to be there with me to help with the baby. I'm already the traditional "wife" because his sense of housework is nonexistent (mommy did everything for him until I came along). There is no way I can be a mother, house maid, and full time worker - I will go nuts. He needs to learn how to take care of the baby along with me. It can't just be my job. I know what will happen: I will be the only one home with the kid and when I do hand the baby off to him, he won't know how to calm it down or do anything and hand it right back.

What is the right answer here?

This is crap. It's not fair that you do all the house work and also work full-time outside of the home. If you both work, you both need to figure out how to run and maintain your household. Maybe that means hiring help, who knows.

Also, he needs to have time alone with the baby so he CANNOT hand it back to you. You need to go out for coffee, see your girlfriends, walk around the block, whatever it takes and EARLY ON so that he realizes he is an equal parent and not a babysitter doing you some favor by caring for his child.

[rbp]

Mar 20, 2014 13:14:44 GMT -5 pinotgrig said:

Mar 20, 2014 6:57:12 GMT -5 rbp said:

I think a week? He's a medical fellow and doesn't get any paternity leave, and any time he takes off beyond vacation will lengthen his training. And whatever he takes off will have to be covered by someone else, so he doesn't want to put out one of his CWs for too long.

I am hoping that my mom will come down to help for a few weeks (and that I can tolerate her for that long LOL). She loves babies and doesn't work, but she hasn't mentioned anything about it yet.  (wilted)

Could you just flat out ask her? My mom has been super low key about asking me for baby-related things. When I asked her if she'd be willing to come spend a week or two with me after we get home from the hospital, she said she'd been waiting for me to ask since she didn't want to impose (lol).

My mom is not a low-key person in any aspect of life. 

[speyedr]

It all depends on when I go into labor. DH works 2 weeks straight and then has 1 week off. He is taking 1 week of vacation but if I deliver at the beginning of one of his weeks off or a week prior to one he will get two weeks at home. I am half tempted to schedule an induction because of this but am really not ok with voluntarily being put on pitocin either.

[jewel]

My husband's employer will give him 4 weeks paid, to take within the first 4 months of the birth. He can also get baby bonding time paid by the state for 6 weeks at 55%. At this point, he plans to take 2 week at birth and 2 weeks right at the end of the 4 month mark (hopefully for vacation with baby). I don't think he'll use the baby bonding time, but we'll see how he feels once the baby is here.

[chicago]

Odonata, I don't want you to feel piled on, but I think your H needs to step it up here. It sounds like you're willing to take on everything and expect very little from him in return. In this scenario, that's really unfair. My mil used to do everything for H, but when we moved on together I let him know I wasn't going to continue that trend because we're a team. H learned just fine how to take care of the house and he does the lion's share now, especially while I've been pregnant and since E was born. You will need help and he is a dad now, which means spending time with his child. Time for a long talk. He should take the time off since he's able to.

[loira]

My H is also a student, finishing up his PhD. He's looking to submit right before we have the baby, and defend sometime in the fall. How much time he takes off will depend on what his job prospects are like. If they seem scarce, he may be a SAHD for a few months, especially if we move back to Canada and he has to wait for his residency to come through.