Can we talk about vasectomies?

[atarianna]

I am due anytime now with #2.

My H has always said he wanted 2 kids. I have always dreamt of 3, but would feel happy and complete with 2.

We have recently been discussing options related to post partum BC. I have had some adverse reactions to hormonal BC in the past, have charted for the last 5 years but can't really rely on it while BFing, we've never done condoms, and lastly I don't like the concept behind IUDs.

My H said he wants to get a V, like now. He is taking time off for the birth of the baby and figured it is the perfect time since we cannot have sex anyways.

I am really anxious about this and unsure. I am not 100% certain our family is complete and we are both still so young! Yet, at the same time it is nice that for the first time in my life, the BC responsibility wouldn't fall on me.

I don't know what I am looking for here but hair pats are appreciated. Anecdotal stories of what you did or are planning to do etc are also welcomed.

[vanillacourage]

If you are not 100% sure, he needs to wait. Plus, on the extremely off chance he has any complications, you don't want to deal with that with a newborn at home (even with normal recovery, 2 days of him needing to basically sit still 24/7 while you do it all, is too much).

As for what we did - we knew we were probably done after DS2 but I got the Mirena implanted at 8w pp. We figured that would buy us time to be 10000% sure.

[ilikedonuts]

My husband said the same thing. I told him hell no. I truly thought I'd feel like our family was complete after DD2 was born. I 100% do not feel that way though and she's 4.5 months. I am so glad I told my husband to wait.

[cupcake]

Mar 21, 2014 22:16:32 GMT -5 @ojo said:

I'd want to cryopreserve some sperm just in case you both decide you want another kid in a few years.

During the vasectomy process my husband asked the doctor about this. The doctor basically said, if you are thinking about freezing your sperm, you aren't ready to get a vasectomy.

[dbsk8dance]

We were 100% on2. DH had his vasectomy when #2 was 6 weeks old.

He spent one day on the couch and then was up and moving. I just asked for extra help that day. My FIL drove him to the appointment and home so I didn't have to take the baby anywhere.

[mlvmd]

DH will have one after DC2. I am not supposed to have more than two children and the hospital I will have my c-section at doesn't allow for voluntary tubals and they won't want to operate a third time.

DH is on board although I don't think he is thrilled.

[gibbinator]

I don't like hormonal birth control so we used condoms for 8yrs until we started having family. Dh plans to get a Vasectomy when we're for sure done.
We're both 99% sure we're 2 and through, but I think we'll likely go back to condoms for a year or two until we're both certain.

We're both still quite young (29 & 31) so don't want to do anything permanent just yet, especially where we're both not completely decided.

[KKD]

H is sure we are done after three, but I am not 100%. I told him I'd like to wait until he is 40 (so, six more years) before we pursue a vasectomy. It is just too permanent for me even though I know we are most likely done. We have been using condoms since after our first was born, and I will most likely look into an IUD in another year if I feel more certain that we are done.

If you are wavering, I would not rush into it just because the timing is convenient. Also, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want my H out of commission while I was dealing with my own recovery. One patient only!

[spanikopita]

We are done with 2 kids, (just had#2 last fall) but we are waiting a few years for the v. I'm getting a Mirena in the interim. I had it before & liked it a lot.

Rationale- should something happen to one of the kids, we'd probably try for another baby. But 5y from now (the lifespan of the Mirena) I'll be old enough that I won't want to get pg or deal with a NB again, I think. So... Whatever happens between now and then, he will get the V in 5 years.

[Deleted]

My H is getting one but we're waiting a bit (probably another year). We're like 90% sure we're done but we're both still working through that.

I'm getting an IUD though. I trust my OB, it came highly suggested by him and I trust him fully to get it right. I totally understand it's not for everyone though.

I'm over hormonal BC for a bit now. We're using condoms now and it's fine/great/whatever, I just want something more long term.

[badgergrl]

Dhs appointment is in a week. Dc#2 is 3 mos. I am 35 and dh is 38. I love babies but we can't handle more kids. Plus we are old.

eta :  to clarify the old stmt- our kids are purposely 4 years apart as we couldn't see having a toddler while I was pregnant due to some complications I have. So in my mind I would be 39 and dh 42 at the next one. I didn't mean to say our ages are "old ". I hope I didn't offend. 

[Deleted]

H has said he will get a vasectomy but I want him to wait until we are 100% done. Currently we want three kids so ideally I would want him to wait until #3 is 2 or so, figuring by then we will probably be 100% sure.

SIL said after #2 that her family felt "complete" but my brother still did not get a vasectomy until the second kid was 4 years old. they were pretty sure they were done but they kept the option open for a few years. SIL however was/is pretty young (she was 26 when she had #1, 27 for #2) so their time line had some flexibility.

for us, since I am 32 and we are not sure when we will have 3 kids (if we can have three kids), I think we will make the decision a bit faster after #3. We also may decide to stop at 2, not sure.

[dutchgirl678]

We knew that we were done with 2 but we still waited for DH to get the v until recently. DS is almost 3 now and it is a lot more certain for us to really decide that we are done.

[mrshandy]

Mar 21, 2014 23:29:21 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

If you are not 100% sure, he needs to wait. Plus, on the extremely off chance he has any complications, you don't want to deal with that with a newborn at home (even with normal recovery, 2 days of him needing to basically sit still 24/7 while you do it all, is too much).

As for what we did - we knew we were probably done after DS2 but I got the Mirena implanted at 8w pp. We figured that would buy us time to be 10000% sure.

This. We're pretty sure we're done. But I'm only 30 so I think it's a little early to make a mostly permanent decision. So I got the mirena which once I finally got it in (it took a few tries) has been great.

[ssmjlm]

We are 1 and done. DH has his done before I went back to work from ML around 11w I think.

It was nbd, he was sore for a couple days, but by then E wasn't super needy like a newborn.

[carolinagirl831]

I want DH to get the snip too, but I'd wait a year after baby. Not too be morbid , but just in case something happened

[Sloane]

I will be getting a tubal with my second c section in July. We are done after two, but I still hesitated, however given that we had to do ivf anyways, we could still have another through ivf if we really felt unsure afterwards. To be honest, I don't know if I will ever feel done-done.

[badtzmaru22]

I'm pregnant with #2 right now, and if H could get snipped tomorrow, he would. That totally freaks me out though. What if something happens??!!! He will probably do it sometime when I'm on maternity leave, but I also wouldn't mind getting an IUD at my 6 week pp appointment. I feel like two is going to be it, but permanent measures still freak me out.

[carolinagirl831]

M

[pescalita]

We were different in that we knew we were definitely done at two. Also, our second was a complete surprise using condoms, so we were rather paranoid.

I had a tubal with my RCS and my H had a V just before Xmas when J was 2.5 mo old.

The actual procedure was NBD, as you'll hear all over GBCN. A couple days of soreness. He skipped a family party the following evening only because it wasn't appropriate to keep ice on his balls in company.

The biggest challenge we didn't really consider was lifting restrictions. The instructions were no lifting more than 10lbs for a week and 25lbs for two, and by this point the newborn weighed over 10 and the toddler (who was still in a crib, high chair, needs help into car seat, etc) was way over 25. The dr cleared him to lift the baby after a few days since he's a big strong guy, and told him to take it as he felt well enough. It would have been impossible for him to be that limited very soon after my c/s.

[speckledfrog]

Mar 22, 2014 13:09:13 GMT -5 carolinagirl831 said:

I want DH to get the snip too, but I'd wait a year after baby. Not too be morbid , but just in case something happened

This is where I'm at.  I know it's completely morbid and probably a bit irrational, but I'm asking MH to wait for a while after DS2 is here.  In the meantime we are going to use condoms.

[jena]

I have a ss who was 12 when dd1 was born. After we had 2 kids together, dh was done. I was open to 3 but we'd had to go thru fertility treatments to get the 2 kids and we weren't going through that again. I told dh it was up to him, condoms, a V, whatever, but I was done with any sort of birth control.

Dh left it to fate and trusted that our infertility would prevent anything.

So not long after we found out I was knocked up, he went in for his V. Because 4 college tuitions is enough.

But we're also older, I was 38 when I had dd2 and dh was 43. So it's easier I think for us to say we're DONE.

[raylongivens]

Mar 21, 2014 23:29:21 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

If you are not 100% sure, he needs to wait. Plus, on the extremely off chance he has any complications, you don't want to deal with that with a newborn at home (even with normal recovery, 2 days of him needing to basically sit still 24/7 while you do it all, is too much).

As for what we did - we knew we were probably done after DS2 but I got the Mirena implanted at 8w pp. We figured that would buy us time to be 10000% sure.

Omg this. My DH had terrible complications after his V. He was out of work for 3 weeks. This is a guy that hadn't taken a sick day in years. He couldn't get up with our newborn because he couldn't stand up long enough to change a diaper or make a bottle. He wasn't pain free for close to 6 weeks. It was awful. 

[katie4253]

I got an IUD because I have a clotting disorder and can't take the pill. I wasn't sure if we were 1 and done. I love my IUD. What freaks you out about them.

[Deleted]

I got Mirena because we're probably done with two, but not 100% ready to make that forever decision. We're only 32 - it feels like the real decision should be made in a few years, when we've really settled into this two kids thing.

Mirena has been good to me, overall.

[bbonanza]

So next week is DH's apt to get his done. I was sure I didn't want another after DD2, DH not so much. . .and then DD3 was born. She'll be 2 next month, so we're very sure that we are done at this point. I am 36, DH is 37 and we know that for many reasons that adding any more children would not be the best for our family.

[atarianna]

I really appreciate all of the replies. I am certainly not 100% ready, but he is. Your replies did help me realize some things I didn't consider like lifting restrictions and potential complications/extended recovery times.

We spoke and at least he and I are in agreement to not do it right now.

His argument to me about its permanency is that if God forbid something happened, it is reversible. My biggest concern with that is that we dealt with IF with #1 which was my issue. If a V then reversal happened, we would likely be dealing with subpar fertility on his part too.

[smilee1079]

I know someone who had a V and then 2 children accidentally afterwards (why they didn't prevent after the first oops, I don't know).

I have heard of others too, and that makes me skeptical on relying only on that for prevention. H is against getting it too. We use condoms now and when I finish nursing, I will go back on the pill.

[arch01]

We're most like 1/done, and this topic came up last night. I told DH I wasn't ready to have this be so final-we're 31, and I'm going to have to be on some sort of hormonal BC indefinitely, so I'd rather not take any permanent measures at the moment.

I was so sure we were done when he was an infant-then the toddler years haven't been so bad and I've been thinking about #2. DH isn't there yet, so if we decide by age 5 that we're through-he'll probably get snipped anyway.

[everafter07]

We are 99.9% sure we're OAD, but are waiting till he's 40 (3 years) to get snipped, just in case.