If you have grown step kids and a will/trust

[speckledfrog]

I'm guessing these are your kids? How old are they and how long have you been together?

[speckledfrog]

Clearly, I can't read. No parent is obligated to provide support to his grown children. It's a great bonus, but it's not necessary. If he wants to then by all means he should go for it and split it evenly between the children, with the bulk going to you, IMO. If he doesn't then that's his prerogative with his kids, "nice" or not.

[FastHands]

I would treat it the same as any other kids. Our plan is for all to go to remaining spouse first, then to all kids. We might give more in trust for a young dependant (not sure how I'd do that..), but the step- part wouldn't have any impact on the decision.

[FastHands]

Mar 23, 2014 12:11:34 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

Mar 23, 2014 12:02:01 GMT -5 ste said:

I agree 110%. Just because you don't have a great relationship with them =/= he shouldn't provide for them equally. They're still his children. And honestly, I think it's kind of effed you think their wealthy grandparents should be filling that need.

The only reason I mentioned my relationship with them is to decide how MY personal money (inheritance from my dad) should be distributed to them, if at all.  I can't decide.  It would not affect DH's and our combined monies would be distributed.  

I thought you were only asking about his assets.

[hisno1girl]

Our wills are made so that all assets go to the surviving spouse. We did not make provisions for our children.  If I were to die first, everything goes to DH. If DH died first, everything comes to me.

If we died at the same time, or after we're both dead, everything gets split equally between our five children.

[shopgirl07]

I think it's difficult because if he were to pass now, the bulk of the estate should go to you and your young daughter. If he passes after your daughter is grown, or if you are divorced when he goes then it would be a different story.

[sillygoosegirl]

I don't have step kids, but I have to strongly disagree with a lot of what is in this post. Everything your DH has, he has earned while he was married to you, which makes half of it yours to begin with. If he wants to leave his assets to his 3 children equally and nothing to you, that division would look like 50% of the assets remaining with you as they are ALREADY YOURS, and then ~17% to each child. But I think it would be pretty shitty for him to leave nothing for you. Since you are pay for his life insurance and none of his children are helping pay for that, I'd say the same about it. If he wants to divide everything that is "his" equally between the 4 of you, that should leave 62.5% of the joint assets as yours.

Really though, I don't think it makes sense to figure this as percentages. He's already paid for raising the other two kids, perhaps already paid for their educations, weddings, etc. If he wants to be fair to the 3 children, he should look at what it will cost to raise the 3rd (and also pay for college, wedding, first car... Whatever of those he covered for the others) and the minor child should get that much before any remaining assets for the children are equally divided. You guys also need to look at what your needs will be. I think I would want to start by calculating what you and your child would need to carry on your lives: mortgage, minor child to 18 or whenever he stopped providing for the step kids, and your retirement which will not cost a lot less than a joint retirement ($ figure), and make sure that is left to you. Then decide what you want to leave to the two step children, which could be nothing since they are adults and he does not have further responsibilities toward them, but it's nice that he wants to leave then something. This should also be a $ figure. If the current assets (retirement accounts, other savings/investments, current life insurance) don't cover all that, then buy more life insurance.

[jlt19]

Do know that if anything happened to him before DD was 18, she would get SS payments until she was 18.

[nodontdothat]

Why wouldn't everything go to you as the surviving spouse? Then equitable distribution to the 3 children upon your passing, regardless of age.

If you want extra support to your DD upon your death, you could have a life insurance policy of your own where she is the sole beneficiary.

[aprilsails]

My Mom and Stepdad just went through the process of establishing new wills and trusts. They decided on the same as mentioned above: all money to the surviving spouse. However, there is a codicil (or something) on my stepfather's will that in the event that my Mom dies first, their joint funds at that time will be added up, and his will shall be amended such that 50% of that value cannot be willed away from my brother, sister and I, assuming those funds are intact at the time of his death.

Stepdad has no other children and has been involved in our lives for over 15 years now. He agreed to this although it limits his options in the future in the event that my Mom dies young and he wishes to remarry. It is very generous of him to do this, especially considering that he is 6 years younger than my Mom and definitely the main breadwinner between the two of them.

If they both die, all money goes to me and they've left it up to me to disburse funds to my Brother and Sister. I'm not really enamored with that aspect of their will but they said they will change it as soon as Brother and Sister are older and more financially stable (Brother is recovering drug addict, Sister is 1 year out of college). I am expected to divide the assets equally, but to control the purse strings so that Brother and Sister don't make bad decisions.

Keep in mind that you can always come back and revise these documents. Look for the right solution to cover the next 10 year term. After that, go back and review the new status quo. There is no correct distribution for all time.

[WOT?*]

My grandparents did a trust with everything to the surviving spouse until death and the split between my dad and his step-siblings equally upon my grandmother's death.

If you don't want to go that route:

Your personal assets to your DD (since she has no other maternal line to inherit from, has possible health issues and is a minor)
His assets split equally among the four of you
Joint assets split 50% to you and 50% among his children equally.

(How much is owing on the house? The trust should specify life insurance pays the balance on the mortgage and then split among the four of you equally.)

[badgergrl]

Lurker here... I totally disagree that grown children should get an equal share to a minor child. It is a parents responsibility to financially provide for a child until they are grown ( and people have different definitions of that... Hs, college, wedding, etc). It sounds like your dh had met those obligations to your stepchildren, but not to your joint child. I think the vast majority should go you you and the minor child ( like an 80/10/10 split) with the agreement between you and our dh than upon your joint child being "grown" (whatever that means to you), that a new division will occur at that time. And I think at that point it should be 50% to you and 50% divided amongst the adult children.

[livinitup]

I think all funds should go to the surviving spouse.

And you should discuss how to set-up the trust in case you both die.

[badgergrl]

Mar 23, 2014 15:39:17 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

Mar 23, 2014 13:00:16 GMT -5 kooshball said:

Are your step kids mother alive still?

yes.  They are currently living with her mom though (skids grandma)

Are they adults, or not?  Why are they living with grandma?

[dbsk8dance]

I know that you just four life insurance for him to pay off the mortgage, but what about a separate policy just for the kids? Say 300K that would have each kid getting 1/3. Then you would get everything else and not have to worry about raising DD.