s/o if you cut off your parents, and you have kids

[stephm0188]

How are you addressing the topic with your kids?

My six year old has started asking questions about seeing pictures of me as a baby and where are my parents and I'm not sure what to say yet.

[eb777888]

Good question. Me and my dad haven't spoken in nearly two years and even though he wasn't much in David's life and David doesn't remember him, he's asking who my dad is. It's getting tough to answwer his questions. I think it's confusing to him because we see my IL's all the time and he knows those are H's parents. I don't know how to tell him that my dad is an asshole.

[miesl]

Coming at this from the other side...

My Dad cut out his parents and some of his siblings.

They told me they were not nice people, and that they didn't talk to them anymore. Family are the people who love and care about you.

In the end, I grew up with 4 grandparents - two of them bio on my mom's side and two that were my dad's best friend's parents (they took him in when he left home). I always knew they weren't my biological grandparents - but they treated me just the same as if I were. That kindness was repaid... she lives with us instead of a nursing home (dementia and mobility issues, he passed a number of years ago).

[Jermys]

I think I'll tell my kids that my father wasn't a nice person and sometimes it's best if you don't have people in your life. Honesty is good.

[luckyval]

I'm really glad you started this post. I'm kind of on the brink of cutting off my mom.

Right now I am willing let her continue a relationship with Hart, but I'm not sure how successful that will be. My decision to end a relationship with her doesn't directly have to do with my kid, but we'll have to gauge things over time.

[sineadorebellion]

H has cut off his family about two years ago. They have only met DD1 a handful of times in her 6 years, and DD2 only once when she was born. So neither girl really misses that side. But when DD1 did ask about H's family, we basically said that they've said some not nice things about daddy and right now are in a time out for a while. It's enough for now at least.

[stephm0188]

Good answers. I'll keep it simple and play it as it comes. Thanks

[rex]

ugh I'm dreading this.

and honestly the more of a need it becomes to truly cut my parents out the more determined I am to make sure I never give L a reason to cut me out. not for my sake, but hers.

having to deal with this sucks.

[aussiecrush]

My H cut his family out 3 years ago. My mom is very active in our boys lives so they gave asked where H's mom is. We explained that she chooses to behave in a way we can't agree with and we don't see her. We stressed they could ask us anything, at any time.

[FloFTW]

It is so hard. My son asked if they were dead. He's 4.

I like the "family is people that love you and treat you well" line. I will remember that for next time. Explaining narcissistic personality disorder to an adult is difficult; let alone a child.