What do you think of the timing of all this

[Odonata]

Since I never gave birth before nor had a newborn, I have no frame of reference.

DH finally got into the NYC marathon and is running it Nov. 2nd, which is 16 days after my EDD.  (prayers I go on time and am not late!!)

Of course, I cannot not go to see him but I intend to watch the race on TV and track his bib # online.  The thought popped into my head to have maybe his mom and a few (2-3) close people over to watch and cheer him on from home.

Then MIL just said (we're texting back and forth) "We can have a marathon party here (her house) so the baby can sleep and we can cheer him"
(FYI, she's the "doer" in the family and everything centers around her and her house, at least in HER mind)

Would EITHER of these things be a good idea?

1) Even if it's 2-3 people, what are the chances (and I know everyone is different) that I'll actually want people around?  I'm assuming it would be nice to watch the marathon with some close family.  Of course, if we are calling it a "marathon party", I would make it clear it's byo-stuff b/c I'm sure not doing anything for refreshments!  Those with kids already - would that seem feasible or is it "HELL NO".

2)  I'm correct to assume that, within 2 weeks of giving birth, my baby and I should not be going anywhere and if the marathon is to be watched, it is at my house?

I know, these are silly questions and it's NBD really but I am sitting here thinking "what is life 2 weeks after giving birth?"  I have no clue.

[shekels1222]

10 days after I gave birth to DS we had his bris at our house. I ordered catering, had 25-30 people over and my mom helped come over and clean before and after. It wasn't a big deal but I had some help.

If it's pretty casual it prob not going to be a problem. 2 weeks out I don't know if I'd feel up to bringing a newborn out but you may. Remember they sleep a whole lot during the first month or two. It's easy to take them out and about.

[purrbox]

I'm a FTM so I have no idea how you'll feel two weeks after delivery, but I'm almost certain I wouldn't want to be spending any amount of time over at my in-laws that soon.

[Odonata]

Yeah, MIL is within 2 miles of our house (ug, lol)so it's not a far way to go. I guess everything does depend on how I feel at that time.

Again, it's not like there is a huge party being planned NOW, but i was just wondering. I'm figuring if I don't feel well I might want to be home, especially since everything is here. But her house is larger and she might want to invite people over to watch her son.

OH! But then there is another question! What if she wants to invite a ton of people over and actually have a Marathon "party". Do I want that many people around a 2 month old?

So many questions!

[chicago]

At two weeks post-delivery, a good day for me is showering and putting on clean pajamas. I have zero interest in going to anyone's house. If you get along well with your ILs, I'd invite them over. Your mileage will vary of course. I know some moms are out and about right away. My recovery has been fairly easy, but I'm just too damn tired to put forth any effort when it comes to looking decent or socializing, so any kind of gathering sounds absolutely awful to me. To be fair, I'm also a major introvert.

[Odonata]

Mar 29, 2014 10:39:00 GMT -5 chicago said:

At two weeks post-delivery, a good day for me is showering and putting on clean pajamas. I have zero interest in going to anyone's house. If you get along well with your ILs, I'd invite them over. Your mileage will vary of course. I know some moms are out and about right away. My recovery has been fairly easy, but I'm just too damn tired to put forth any effort when it comes to looking decent or socializing, so any kind of gathering sounds absolutely awful to me. To be fair, I'm also a major introvert.

I'm an introvert as well.  In my mind, right now, I'm picturing MIL, SIL and maybe BIL at my house, me in sweats curled up on the couch, maybe some soda and snacks, watching the marathon and chit chatting.  

[chicago]

Mar 29, 2014 10:41:17 GMT -5 Odonata said:

Mar 29, 2014 10:39:00 GMT -5 chicago said:

At two weeks post-delivery, a good day for me is showering and putting on clean pajamas. I have zero interest in going to anyone's house. If you get along well with your ILs, I'd invite them over. Your mileage will vary of course. I know some moms are out and about right away. My recovery has been fairly easy, but I'm just too damn tired to put forth any effort when it comes to looking decent or socializing, so any kind of gathering sounds absolutely awful to me. To be fair, I'm also a major introvert.

I'm an introvert as well.  In my mind, right now, I'm picturing MIL, SIL and maybe BIL at my house, me in sweats curled up on the couch, maybe some soda and snacks, watching the marathon and chit chatting.  

100% - this I could handle. Also, like you mentioned, I wouldn't want all those extra people around my two week old.

[gretchenindisguise]

Two weeks after delivery we had been lots of places. I wore her when we were in public. I was fine with being out and about.

The only hesitation I would have is if you're planning on breast feeding. By that stage I was not comfortable feeding with a cover yet and would typically just whip them out on the couch. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that around randoms and would have been secluded in a bedroom for 20-30 minutes at a time and that would probably annoy me.

[pacificrules]

It would totally depend on who is there. Just in-laws and a few people you're super close with, it probably wouldn't be too big of a deal. I took DD1 to someone's house for the superbowl when she was 5 days old. I remember being super stressed when she cried or needed to eat....it was all new to me, so dealing with it in front of people was hard. (We were invited by a couple we're very close to, but didn't really know their family whom was also there.) I would worry about people wanting to hold/touch/bother the baby. Again...if it's just in-laws and a few close friends, that's probably not too big of a deal. I also agree with PP, too, who said that just showering and putting on different clothes is a huge success in the beginning.

How long will your H be gone? Will it be an overnight (or 2-3) trip for him?

[Deleted]

I went places way sooner than 2 weeks. Target at 2 days actually.

I think it would be nice to have company (even if you go to MILs house) as long as everyone understands you need to be resting still and that they can't hold the baby if they are sick, etc.

I had MIL come help a bit in the first 2 weeks when DH couldn't miss class and it was nice to rest a bit. I was in the same room as her but wasn't on full baby duty

[starlily]

It totally depends. Two weeks after my EDD I actually had a 7 week old, so I would have been fine attending a small gtg somewhere else.

Two weeks post delivery though, I'd prefer to stay home. I wouldn't mind a handful of people over, as long as they had low expectations of me as a hostess. Quite frankly, at two weeks pp, using the bathroom was still kind of a "process" & I'd just rather deal with that at my own place.

[VillainV]

FTM here, but don't forget that two weeks from your due date you may or may not have a two-week-old baby. You could have a baby a few weeks older, or you could have a baby that's maybe only 1-2 days old. What you feel capable of with a six-week-old is very different from what you will capable of the day you get home from the hospital.

[robinsbff]

i've never been there, but i'd not commit to anything either way until i was seeing how i felt after everything was said and done. let her do whatever she wants and you just wait and see what happens on your side. you make it or you don't, there's no way to predict that now so don't make promises you may not be able to keep. there's no need to have a party planned right now for november and you've got a perfect excuse to remain non-committal so don't let anyone force you in any one plan 7 months out.

[Odonata]

Mar 29, 2014 10:46:56 GMT -5 pacificrules said:

It would totally depend on who is there. Just in-laws and a few people you're super close with, it probably wouldn't be too big of a deal. I took DD1 to someone's house for the superbowl when she was 5 days old. I remember being super stressed when she cried or needed to eat....it was all new to me, so dealing with it in front of people was hard. (We were invited by a couple we're very close to, but didn't really know their family whom was also there.) I would worry about people wanting to hold/touch/bother the baby. Again...if it's just in-laws and a few close friends, that's probably not too big of a deal. I also agree with PP, too, who said that just showering and putting on different clothes is a huge success in the beginning.

How long will your H be gone? Will it be an overnight (or 2-3) trip for him?

No. He will go that morning and be back that night.

[browneyedgirl9]

At 2 weeks pp I would have been up to having a few people over, or going to mil house. I enjoyed having company over and having someone to hold the baby at times was helpful. Everyone is different...i was showered and dressed everyday once we were home from hospital, so i was always fine with family coming over

[MrsDarcy]

Well, I would say if you like your ILs, I would have a few over (like 2-3) or go to their house with the same number attending.

After our son was born, my dad and stepmother and stepsister visited from out of town, and we had a cookout for my H's birthday (both my family and ILs). It was WAY too much for me. I would have been ok around my own mom and maybe my brother and SIL, but not all those fools. ILs drive me crazy, dad & steps drive me crazy, so that colors my view.

But, we had the party, I wore the baby (2 weeks old) the entire time, and basically hid out most of the time. It was way stressful for me, and I was still very emotional. I would NOT do it again.

[scribellesam]

So hard to decide now, not knowing how old baby will be, where you'll be in your recovery, how BFing is going, etc. I'd let them plan the party but let them know your attendance is very much provisional on circumstances of that day.

[mrspost08]

I would rather go to my MILs than have people over. Mil would handle the entertaining at her house & I could rest with the baby. I would feel I would have to get food, drinks, wait on people at my house. That's just me though when people are over.

Also if you get tired you're only 2 miles from home & you can go home.

[anna7602]

The biggest thing here is that you don't know when your baby will actually arrive. The baby could be 2 days old or 4 weeks old at marathon time.

I took DD to a friend's baby shower at 2 weeks of age. Except for screaming her head off in the cab ride both ways, it was fine once we were there. She was pretty chill for most of the party and when I needed to nurse her, my friend's sister actually lent me a boppy (since I wasn't adept at nursing without any props yet at that point).

But I was able to make the call on the shower the morning of the event. I didn't need to commit to it way ahead of time.

[Odonata]

Mar 29, 2014 14:44:48 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

The biggest thing here is that you don't know when your baby will actually arrive. The baby could be 2 days old or 4 weeks old at marathon time.

I took DD to a friend's baby shower at 2 weeks of age. Except for screaming her head off in the cab ride both ways, it was fine once we were there. She was pretty chill for most of the party and when I needed to nurse her, my friend's sister actually lent me a boppy (since I wasn't adept at nursing without any props yet at that point).

But I was able to make the call on the shower the morning of the event. I didn't need to commit to it way ahead of time.

There is no commitment now for me either. This is totally something I can decide when the time comes.

Thanks for the stories everyone. This made me realize I have no clue what will be going on in 6 months!

[andthentherewere10]

I would go to a marathon with a newborn.

[andthentherewere10]

(but I'd just go to get the finish line at the expected time - around an hour before hand or so)

[Odonata]

andthentherewere10 the thought has crossed my mind.

But to drive there would be HELL and I doubt with all the roads closed and influx of people there would be no parking. Plus, I've never drove to the city before. I would have to take the train. It's an hour train ride and getting off at Penn station with a newborn that I probably won't have the hang of handling well - along with all the necessities, would be a mess. So the train would be hell, too. Even if I were to go to Hoboken or Jersey City or something and take the PATH in I would still need to deal with a mess.

And it's in November and going to be cold.

So I quickly put it out of my mind that I will be there at the finish line! lol.

[curbsideprophet]

I would have been okay with a few people visiting (depending on the people). However my mom and aunt stayed with us for a week right after DD was born and I know some would have issues with that.

The one advantage of going to the IL's is you can easily leave if you need to. Could be harder to kick people out.

Another thing to consider is if you need a c-section you might not be able to drive yet.

[statlerwaldorf]

I would have felt up to going to someone's house. I visited people within two weeks and had people over for Easter a week after she was born. I had it at our house, but I made everyone else cook.

I had a c-section, so I couldn't drive at 2 weeks pp. I also wasn't up to long car rides. I felt like I was nursing all of the time, but I didn't have an issue breastfeeding around other people especially with a cover.

Do you think your MIL would invite a lot of people? I like the idea of having it at your house because you can limit the guest list.

[JayhawkGirl]

I had csections with both and was not driving until 6 wks postpartum, when I was off all narcotic pain meds.

I did go to my parents' and in laws' for low key dinners a couple of weeks pp. as long as MIL isn't going to turn it into twenty people playing pass the baby, I would agree with the plan for them to come get me if I am not driving yet.

[andthentherewere10]

Oh that travel does sound rough. I guess I assumed you lived RIGHT THERE. Good luck with your decision!

[ringstrue]

DH did a 5k that I went to when DD was a few weeks old. I dunno if I'd do that again though.

I'd LOVE to not have to be a hostess just a couple weeks after my kid was born. The thought alone gives me hives, lol. But I'm side-eyeing your MIL that she can plan when your kid is gonna sleep. Your baby might be screaming its head off when he crosses the finish line.

I also think you might need to have a talk with your DH about what ifs- like, what if you go 2 weeks late and are still in the hospital when his race is? What if he hasn't sleep well for weeks due to the baby being bad sleeper? IDK when he planned this race but it just seems like bad timing considering he is gonna be a first time dad who is living with the baby, kwim? I think it'd be best to just manage everyone's expectations so no one gets their hopes up.

[marie3246]

I had a c section ten days late and we were just being discharged from the hospital at day 14. I honestly would make any plans til baby is here.

[gibbinator]

Just popping in because my regular board is slow. Hi!

1. A marathon party with a few people sounds fun, especially if they're willing to work around your comfort. Such as, have it at your house unless you're up for driving, not be weird about you breastfeeding (if you plan to) in the tv room, not expect you to play host, etc. I had a pretty easy recovery so I was up and at and driving all over creation by day 4. But sometimes it takes a couple weeks before you feel ready to go out of the house.

2. Going out depends on your personal comfort with germs and your pp recovery. I had a summer baby and was not worried much about him catching anything since there were no outbreaks of anything terrible in my area and cold and flu season was over.
Most people will leave your baby alone and just coo over them if they're cuddled up in a stroller or being worn. That said, if you decide you are comfortable taking baby out, you'll probably only be comfortable standing /walking for a half hour max that soon after giving birth.

Eta: also be really honest with Mil that you're not sure whether or not you'll be up for it at her place (again, unless someone will drive you there or whatever) so she shouldn't plan anything in stone until the baby is here and you have your bearings. Set expectations now.