DS gets closed out of the bathroom when I go now-mainly because he can't be trusted to stay out of cabinets, even with child locks. He's like a toddler Houdini with child locks. Instead he sits against the door and makes it move while saying "mama" repeatedly.
I get changed in front of him and don't think twice about it.
Post by indifferentstars on Apr 1, 2014 20:39:02 GMT -5
I take my 13 month old into the bathroom with me all the time because he flips out if he's left alone and can't see me. When he was younger and didn't care, I'd pop him in the jumperoo for a minute. Now it's just easier to bring him in and avoid the meltdown.
My MIL has also made inappropriate comments about my son and for that reason, if I were in your position, I would be very uncomfortable with it as well. She has some other tendencies that make me think she might enjoy this scenario for reasons I don't even want to think about. Mine is not local and I take care that they are never alone when she does visit. I would never let her babysit him though. Are you uncomfortable with her watching him in general?
I am fine with my kids coming in to the bathroom with me although in theory I would enjoy some privacy from time to time. I however have taught them not to go in the bathroom with anyone else including family members. This would include my mom and especially MIL. Since your baby is so little still you can ask her to put him in a crib/bouncer etc while she goes to the bathroom. As the mom you have every right to set the rules for whomever is watching your LO. If there are any other red flags you aren't mentioning then perhaps you should rethink her watching him. Following your request to put him in a crib/bouncer should not be a big deal.
Post by MadamePresident on Apr 1, 2014 21:03:40 GMT -5
Nods comes to the bathroom with me all the time. When I was watching my friend's 2 year old, she also came along for the trip. I don't think its a big deal at all. My child likes to cry if we aren't in the same room. She also likes to go with my husband and is impressed that he can pee standing up.
Also, if you are uncomfortable with your child in the bathroom when she pees are you also uncomfortable with your MIL changing his diaper?
So... say it's a year later and your 2yo is out with grandma. Do you not expect grandma to take the kid in the stall with her? Isn't that the same thing as what is happening now?
I haven't peed alone on a regular basis in almost 7 years. The oldest one is getting to the point where she wants privacy for herself, but still does not extend that concept to see that others might want the same.
-How you found out -If you ever wondered how she goes to the bathroom during the day -If this can all be resolved by you simply asking her to put him in his crib when she pees
This wouldn't bother me at all. My mom watches DS1 when I'm at work and brings him into the bathroom with her often. He's 2.5yo and we're trying to get him use to the idea of going on the potty and since he's with her more often than with us during the week, it makes sense to us.
Thanks everybody! To answer a few questions: -I am not worried about abuse, but I do not want him thinking it is ok to join others besides myself and my H in the bathroom, for them to undress in front of him, etc. -I found out she is doing this because I asked her to put him in a containment device if she needs to go to the bathroom or leave the room since he's crawling and pulling up now. She then said she takes him in with her, at the time my H wasn't bothered by it so I dropped it but we will be telling her not to take him in there this week. She said she takes him because her day at our house is the only time she sees him all week. -I didn't think about what will happen when she has him out in public when he's older, but I honestly don't see that ever happening. I can remember a single instance of being out in public with any grandparent without my mom. Maybe that's weird too? -maybe relevant background info, my H has never peed in front of me and I have in front if him only a handful of times when sick and needed help. We are not a couple that is comfortable discussing bodily functions unless absolutely necessary. I know this is unusual, lol -my H is going to talk to her this week, and I'm working on finding a daycare spot 2 days a week for the baby. My mom helps one day a week too, and I'm so sick of people constantly in my house so I think at this point daycare will be best.
So, this is a combination of being super annoyed with my MIL in general and my own modesty about bathroom stuff. I'm clearly in the minority on this
lol no I have no problem with that. 8 month olds are mobile with no brains. They get into everything and do it quickly. I would expect any babysitter to take my kid that age with them.
Plus they are little. What are you so worried about him seeing?
My parents and inlaws take our kids out all the time. I would be sad if they did not. that is great bonding time with them. So I imagine if they have to go to the bathroom, they take DD with them. I mean, I hope they do. I would be more horrified if they left a 4 year old out by herself while they went to the bathroom.
I understand being modest. I really do. But I think your freak out over an 8 MONTH OLD seeing someone in the bathroom is more on the side of an issue than just modesty. I would try to keep in mind that just because you have an issue with something does't make it wrong, and you don't want to pass your issues on to your kids, kwim?
Post by quickstepstar on Apr 2, 2014 6:30:24 GMT -5
I will say that I would find it weird if it were my kids. Because we never brought them into the bathroom, so I wouldn't want anyone else doing it, so that they wouldn't get used to this. In public is totally a whole different thing, I do bring them into a stall with me, and I would expect any other adult to do it too.
I feel really weird bring MY baby in the bathroom with me. But I'm very "shy" about those stuffs. Just recently I forced myself to let her go in the bathroom with me so she can observe that I use the potty.
I see your point now. However, if you're daycare shopping and you admit this a b*tch & crackers issue for the most part, why bring it up and make her feel bad at all at this point. I feel like you're just begging for drama over something that's not a life altering big deal.
2 weeks from now you can just say, "Hey, MIL. We appreciate your help. Thanks so much. Kid starts daycare on Tuesday as she loves other kids!" and leave it that.
Afterall, it's not like MIL was intentionally doing this to make you mad. She thought she was doing the safe/right/easiest thing from what I gather and nothing more.
Yeah, I think that you are on the right track. If you are uncomfortable with the way she parents, you should definitely seek an outside babysitter. Its tough trying to establish boundaries with family sometimes. That said, I wouldn't side eye anyone for bringing their infant into the bathroom with them. I never brought DS into the bathroom at home with me at that age, our house is small and DS would be occupied with something else during those times when I had to go. Now that he is older though, he tries to bust in the bathroom when I am in there, usually just to tell me something random with no idea that privacy is warranted. We are working on it!
I will say that I would find it weird if it were my kids. Because we never brought them into the bathroom, so I wouldn't want anyone else doing it, so that they wouldn't get used to this. In public is totally a whole different thing, I do bring them into a stall with me, and I would expect any other adult to do it too.
So how is that different than at home? I don't understand the concern over what would happen if someone brings a 9 month old, or a 2 year old, into the bathroom with them. My MIL would be so offended if we told her, after she was watching my child one day a week, that we were uncomfortable with her bringing them into the bathroom with her.
FWIW, my H and I never use the bathroom in front of each other (or discuss bodily functions unless forced), and I still take my kids in the bathroom when they are babies and toddlers. I feel like little ones are different--they demand to be in there and aren't safe on their own, plus the aforementioned issue of them seeing you use the bathroom helping with potty training.
My 6.5 and almost 4 yo have no problem understanding that using the bathroom is a private thing now (to the point that DS1 fights me when we are out because he does not want to go in front of me), but from babyhood to about 3 yo, they were mostly in with me.
FWIW, my H and I never use the bathroom in front of each other (or discuss bodily functions unless forced), and I still take my kids in the bathroom when they are babies and toddlers. I feel like little ones are different--they demand to be in there and aren't safe on their own, plus the aforementioned issue of them seeing you use the bathroom helping with potty training.
My 6.5 and almost 4 yo have no problem understanding that using the bathroom is a private thing now (to the point that DS1 fights me when we are out because he does not want to go in front of me), but from babyhood to about 3 yo, they were mostly in with me.
Question for the people that don't ever bring their kids in the bathroom - does this go for showering too?
Most days, my husband is at work when I need to shower. If he's awake when I need to shower, then he's in a RNP or bouncy chair in the bathroom. It's easier to keep him happy if I can make a stupid face or sing a silly song while I'm showering vs. him crying in another room alone.
Look you can feel what you want to feel but a overall know that please change in front of other people all the time. If you do daycare he is going to see other children in a state of undress. I see kids without pants from time to time at pick up because the bathrooms have no doors. He is going to change in front of others before gym. He'll hopefully have a boyfriend/girlfriend at some point. I know you feel uncomfortable about this but I don't think you MIL is a big issue.
-I didn't think about what will happen when she has him out in public when he's older, but I honestly don't see that ever happening. I can remember a single instance of being out in public with any grandparent without my mom. Maybe that's weird too?
I would hope that your MIL will be taking your son out as soon as the weather gets nice. If she's watching him once a week really hope they don't stay home all day. Hell my mom doesn't really baby sit but she takes the kids to barns and noble from time to time. If she has to pee I sure hope she brings my kids with her vs. leaving them alone in a store.
-maybe relevant background info, my H has never peed in front of me and I have in front if him only a handful of times when sick and needed help. We are not a couple that is comfortable discussing bodily functions unless absolutely necessary. I know this is unusual, lol
Potty training is coming. You will talk about poop, pee, and farts all day for a year. (or longer if you're lucky).
-my H is going to talk to her this week, and I'm working on finding a daycare spot 2 days a week for the baby. My mom helps one day a week too, and I'm so sick of people constantly in my house so I think at this point daycare will be best.
Question for the people that don't ever bring their kids in the bathroom - does this go for showering too?
Most days, my husband is at work when I need to shower. If he's awake when I need to shower, then he's in a RNP or bouncy chair in the bathroom. It's easier to keep him happy if I can make a stupid face or sing a silly song while I'm showering vs. him crying in another room alone.
Yep. DD has never been in the bathroom while we shower. During maternity leave, being home alone with her, I showered when she's napping. Now I shower at night when she's sleeping or in the morning when she's up with DH. Same things for DH. Mostly because shower time is my private/relaxing time, nobody dares violate it!
Question for the people that don't ever bring their kids in the bathroom - does this go for showering too?
Most days, my husband is at work when I need to shower. If he's awake when I need to shower, then he's in a RNP or bouncy chair in the bathroom. It's easier to keep him happy if I can make a stupid face or sing a silly song while I'm showering vs. him crying in another room alone.
I have never brought DS in the bathroom with me while I shower. When he was tiny, I would either shower while H was home, or while DS was sleeping (Plus, I work FT, so usually my showers during the week are before he is awake). Once he became a toddler and now, I can shower while he is awake, as long as I put on the TV for him or get him started on an Xbox game or otherwise occupied. That said, DS has a very laid back personality and isn't a daredevil, so I don't have to worry about him going all honey badger when I am not looking. It just a personality thing. My BFF's son who is close to the same age, I would never leave alone long enough to shower. Depends on the kid.
Post by whitemerlot on Apr 2, 2014 20:24:55 GMT -5
I'm another one who rarely is in the bathroom alone. My DD is almost 2 and if I close her out is so upset because she wants to give me toilet paper. I'm locking my 4 year old son out because he needs to learn boundaries.