Does this bother anyone else?

[theatre4life]

When I see people (now that most of my immediate world knows that I am pregnant), they ask "How are you feeling?" Instead of the normal "How are you doing?" I know it is a weird semantic, but it drives me nuts. I guess because my answer is always fine (legitimately, this has been pretty easy so far. *knocks on wood*) I pointed it out to my H a couple of weeks ago, and he was like "no, people still ask how you're doing."

Last night, after running into a neighbor, he looked at me, and said "You know, you're right, everyone does ask you how you're feeling, that's kind of weird." I know it is small and petty, but it drives me a little crazy. Am I the only one?

Feel free to add your own random frustrations!

[Deleted]

I don't find it to be a weird question...pregnancy is physically taxing sometimes and pregnant women often don't feel well. I get more irritated when people don't ask how I am and ask instead how baby is doing, as if I only exist as a baby incubator.

[anna7602]

I don't find it that strange in general, but it annoys me when my mom asks because I know it's just warming up to her more invasive questions. If I were to answer, "I feel like crap and spent the night tossing and turning," she would just move on to her next pressing question without responding to my actual words. So, in her case, it annoys me because it is insincere.

Most other people in my life, however, really do want to know how I am feeling.

[jewel]

I don't mind people asking, but I get a lot of really annoying responses.

"I'm feeling great" - oh really? Not for long!

"Pretty good, but I'm a little tired/having issues with my back/whatever less than great" - oh you think it's bad now, just wait!

[anna7602]

Apr 4, 2014 8:29:36 GMT -5 bricco said:

I thought people's reactions to my answer about how I'm feeling was more concerning than the question.

It seemed to always go like this:

Person: How are you feeling?
Me: Fine/Great/Doing well (something positive)
Person: Oh well, enjoy it because just wait until....

OR

Person: How are you feeling?
Me: Tired/sore/achey
Person: You don't even know what it's like to be tired/sore/achey until..

It was like there was no 'right' answer.

So after enough of that? Yeah, I hate that question.

I think people avoid saying this kind of ridiculousness to me because I've been pregnant before. I do have one friend, however, who keeps saying how her last pregnancy was the best one because she knew she'd never be pregnant again and just enjoyed every minute, blah blah blah. I find that annoying. I am about 98% sure we won't have more kids after this one, but that doesn't mean I can completely ignore the insomnia and other pregnancy-related discomfort that makes me a walking zombie sometimes. 

[D2M]

Nope, doesn't bother me at all. I live in a mean city. Any gestures because of my big belly -- smiles on the street from parents carrying babies, young guys giving me their seats on the train, normally quiet coworkers asking how I'm feeling -- feel pretty great.

As I get increasingly humungous, however, I can do without the "You must be ready to pop any day now!" comments. Nope, still have two months. Also, a supermarket cashier on Tuesday night asked me how much weight I'd gained. Thanks, lady.

[Alwaysabridesmaidf]

Honestly, it's not a weird question but it does bother me. I was so sick and someone was ALWAYS asking me how I felt. It was a kind gesture but I got really sick of telling people I felt like crap. It was depressing.

[melsamoony]

The question doesn't bother me especially because most of the people who have asked me truly do care and if they don't, at least they are pretending. I guess I tend not to answer the question very honestly I always say fine/good/something positive and then people ask me more questions and I end up admitting I haven't felt so well hahahaha. I am more honest with my immediate family though.

[ringstrue]

I guess this is my introvertedness but I hate when they ask at all. Like every damn day and every time I go into the break room. Holy crap I'm still a normal person who has other things going on in life. We can talk about other things besides my bodily going-ons.

[pinotgrig]

Apr 4, 2014 9:07:11 GMT -5 melsamoony said:

The question doesn't bother me especially because most of the people who have asked me truly do care and if they don't, at least they are pretending. I guess I tend not to answer the question very honestly I always say fine/good/something positive and then people ask me more questions and I end up admitting I haven't felt so well hahahaha. I am more honest with my immediate family though.

This is where I'm at. I feel like most people who ask me are genuine in their concern. I've not had any of the negative feedback a lot of you all seem to have experienced, which helps. That would get so old.

[mrsnole]

Apr 4, 2014 8:16:24 GMT -5 theatre4life said:

When I see people (now that most of my immediate world knows that I am pregnant), they ask "How are you feeling?" Instead of the normal "How are you doing?" I know it is a weird semantic, but it drives me nuts. I guess because my answer is always fine (legitimately, this has been pretty easy so far. *knocks on wood*) I pointed it out to my H a couple of weeks ago, and he was like "no, people still ask how you're doing."

Last night, after running into a neighbor, he looked at me, and said "You know, you're right, everyone does ask you how you're feeling, that's kind of weird." I know it is small and petty, but it drives me a little crazy. Am I the only one?

Feel free to add your own random frustrations!

I hate this question! I usually just say fine bc it's true but what do people want me to say?  How I can't sleep and my feet hurts all the time and my back hurts all the time and my boobs hurt all the time...etc etc...??  I know they are asking just to be nice but I think they could find a better way to be nice.

[FastHands]

Apr 4, 2014 9:26:54 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

I guess this is my introvertedness but I hate when they ask at all. Like every damn day and every time I go into the break room. Holy crap I'm still a normal person who has other things going on in life. We can talk about other things besides my bodily going-ons.

I was going to say that, in general, I think it's a lovely thing that people care enough to ask how I'm feeling. There is one woman I work just a few desks from, however, whose entire life revolves around her kids, to the extent that she is incapable of focusing on her job or talking about anything else. I know my life will be very different and my priorities will change, but it is still important for me to be focused on and good at my job. When I announced my pg, this CW took it as "OMGHEY you're joining my team!!" and would ask every single day how I was doing and how my night was. It annoyed me because it wasn't just a check-in out of consideration, it was a lead-in to what she wants to be a 40-minute conversation about pregnancy and HER pregnancies and how exciting this all is blahlblahblah. I'm sorry, but no. I have a job to do, which is admittedly harder some days when I feel like total trash. So I really do not want to add a 40min conversation about it to make me LESS productive. Luckily I have been mostly able to shut this down by just saying "doing okay, thanks!" and literally turning around. Lately I've been able to go WHOLE DAYS without my pregnancy coming up, and it is really, really nice.

Well that was longer than I intended. lol. Apparently I'd needed to get that off my chest. haha

[chickadee77]

This doesn't bother me at all.

But now I'm paranoid because I always ask my also-pregnant coworker how she's feeling. To befair, though, I'd be asking anyway because since she's been pregnant, she's had multiple colds and sinus infections and a nasty stomach bug.

[hokiegirl82]

Yeah, I'm getting annoyed with the same people at work constantly asking me day in and day out, with kind of a sad look on their face "how are you doing today?" I know they mean well, but it's almost pity I see in their faces because they know I'm getting to the point that I'm uncomfortable. It doesn't really matter how I respond, I always get a "well, you just wait it, it will get worse" which honestly, I don't need to hear. I had one guy ask me when I'm due a few weeks ago, I told him (my due date was about 3 months from when he asked) and he said "wow, you have a long ways to go!" and he also made a comment to me earlier this week that I've gotten "so much bigger" and I still have 10 weeks to go - I wish he would refrain from his comments.

But I just smile and keep on keeping on because I know people mean well.

[hillarywhitney]

It doesn't bother me. But I can see how it would get annoying to feel like people are only asking about baby related things, and not how you are doing.

So far the questions/comments haven't bothered me. But I imagine in time they may start to

[laurack]

The "how do you feel" question doesn't bother me per se, i think it kind of makes sense. Pregnant people tend to feel worse than non pregnant people so it's a valid question IMO.

Towards the end of pregnancy (now) I tend to hate going to work or anywhere at all though because every person I see, their gaze zooms in on the belly and it makes me feel self conscious as I know there will then be questions of some sort. I don't really like attention focused on me anyway but people can't help it, I'm huge, hard to miss etc.

I try to just avoid eye contact and waddle as briskly as I can to deter as much hallway conversation as possible.

but when caught in the kitchen, there is no escape.

[blushing]

That does not bother me, but what I did find odd was when we told people we were expecting they would say 'Well done'. I find that odd. Well done on having successful sex? Especially when my FIL said 'Well done' to us. I like congratulations.

[cuccaro]

This doesn't bother me, however I have only gotten good responses when I tell them I am feeling great so far. If I got any of those "just you wait..." responses, I would probably have a different answer!

[curbsideprophet]

No this does not bother me. I think most people who ask are coming from a place of caring/concern or they are just try to make conversation and that is an easy way to do it.

[bethaboo]

I hadn't really noticed but it's totally true. I am not sure of the last time someone just said "how are you".

It doesn't bother me but like a pp said, I feel like the whole world is on bump watch, zeroing in on my stomach before anything else. (So much so that even one of my student wrote me a note that simply said "baby bump!!!!") It makes me very self conscious, especially because I feel like I'm at the awkward "gaining weight or pregnant" stage.

[Deleted]

Apr 4, 2014 13:25:10 GMT -5 blushing said:

That does not bother me, but what I did find odd was when we told people we were expecting they would say 'Well done'. I find that odd. Well done on having successful sex? Especially when my FIL said 'Well done' to us. I like congratulations.

hahahaha! I got told Bravo! It was awkward...not sure how to respond to that one! I also had my MIL thank me profusely for having a girl....eh...you're welcome??

[loira]

Apr 4, 2014 13:25:10 GMT -5 blushing said:

That does not bother me, but what I did find odd was when we told people we were expecting they would say 'Well done'. I find that odd. Well done on having successful sex? Especially when my FIL said 'Well done' to us. I like congratulations.

Almost every British colleague said this to me, too - must be a thing here. I also found it very odd.

[rbp]

Apr 4, 2014 8:20:57 GMT -5 @myblue said:

I don't find it to be a weird question...pregnancy is physically taxing sometimes and pregnant women often don't feel well. I get more irritated when people don't ask how I am and ask instead how baby is doing, as if I only exist as a baby incubator.

My MIL does this. I know she means well, but sometimes when she texts me "how's the little peanut doing?" I want to say "I don't fucking know because IT'S INSIDE OF ME." Pregnant lady rage lol.

[magdala]

Apr 4, 2014 8:27:49 GMT -5 jewel said:

I don't mind people asking, but I get a lot of really annoying responses.

"I'm feeling great" - oh really? Not for long!

I keep hearing variations on this.   I also will say I am a little tired and people respond "Get used to that."   So friggin' uplifting!

[Odonata]

Apr 4, 2014 13:31:45 GMT -5 cuccaro said:

This doesn't bother me, however I have only gotten good responses when I tell them I am feeling great so far. If I got any of those "just you wait..." responses, I would probably have a different answer!

Yep.

I got that question right away.  To those I wasn't close to I would say "OK so far" but for those I am close to I would be honest.  I've actually vented on here before about it earlier in my first trimester.

I would get SO PISSED if people asked me how I was feeling and I would say "honestly, very sick right now." and all I would hear is "HA! Better get use to it!  I doesn't get any better!"

Actually, I had one person (who ALWAYS complains about how horrible being a parent is) say "JUST WAIT!  raising kids is MUCH WORSE than MS and much more painful than delivery!  Just you wait, you'll see, it's horrible!"

I responded to THAT one with  ^o).  In my mind I wanted to say "gee, I'm sorry motherhood sucks for you" but I kept my mouth shut.

But yeah, I've gotten the "just you wait" and "deal with it" responses.  Now, when I'm asked I just say "pregnant.  I feel pregnant" and walk away.

[Odonata]

Apr 5, 2014 7:46:16 GMT -5 rbp said:

Apr 4, 2014 8:20:57 GMT -5 @myblue said:

I don't find it to be a weird question...pregnancy is physically taxing sometimes and pregnant women often don't feel well. I get more irritated when people don't ask how I am and ask instead how baby is doing, as if I only exist as a baby incubator.

My MIL does this. I know she means well, but sometimes when she texts me "how's the little peanut doing?" I want to say "I don't fucking know because IT'S INSIDE OF ME." Pregnant lady rage lol.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I don't know why but this has me giggling right now and I can't stop. hahaha.

I'm using this (maybe I'll keep the "fucking" out)

[narockshard]

I've concluded I must be the easiest going pregnant lady on earth :-P I love when people ask how me or the baby are doing and have never even thought twice about how a person responds; it has never been awkward or negative IMO. I like the attention and I like feeling "special" right now, or something. Lol. Maybe it comes from me totally expecting pregnancy to be completely awful in every way but instead it's been the most amazing experience of my life.

[Deleted]

Apr 5, 2014 7:46:16 GMT -5 rbp said:

Apr 4, 2014 8:20:57 GMT -5 @myblue said:

I don't find it to be a weird question...pregnancy is physically taxing sometimes and pregnant women often don't feel well. I get more irritated when people don't ask how I am and ask instead how baby is doing, as if I only exist as a baby incubator.

My MIL does this. I know she means well, but sometimes when she texts me "how's the little peanut doing?" I want to say "I don't fucking know because IT'S INSIDE OF ME." Pregnant lady rage lol.

The worst that I've had was someone in H's family that asked me how things were going and since I had a cold at the time, I said things were okay but I'm a bit stuffy and her reply was 'Not you, the baby! I hope you didn't give the baby your cold!'....I didn't even have a response for that one.

[andthentherewere10]

I just hate that my CWs ask me each morning how the baby is and how I'm doing. I'm the same. And you don't want to hear the answer anyway because it is negative.

[pacificrules]

Yes! I know they mean well, but I hate people constantly asking how I'm feeling. Last time I felt horrid the whole pregnancy so my response was always "Not great.", which was honest but felt like a debbie downer type answer. This time around, things have been a lot better so my answer is "Pretty good!". But, then....what? It's like that's the end of the conversation, which is SO WEIRD to me. (I'm thankful I haven't gotten any 'just wait' comments, but still.)