how do you deal with kids (middle school aged boys)

[TheSeaward]

thinking that using the N word is OK

my ss is 13 and he called his 11 yo sister that last night, he said it is OK, everyone at school uses it and friends call each other that.  his 14 yo sister basically backed him up saying it was no big deal and we are overreacting
he said you hear it in rap songs too
I said how would your black cousin, black sister in law, black brother in law, or 2 bi racial nieces feel about it?
he said "black cousin" calls his friends that all the time, he wouldn't have a problem
"black sil and black bil" won't have a problem with it, I am sure they talk like that to their friends
"bi racial nieces" are just babies, they don't know therefore wouldn't care.

I was shocked and appalled and spent most of the night crying over this, while DH responded by sending him to his room, taking his phone and cancelling an event he was taking him to this weekend.

sadly, I am not sure any of those are the solution.

i told all of them that word is not allowed in this house, it is offensive and has never been a positive word and it is hurtful to everyone, especially people who are in their own family.  I think it fell on deaf ears

has anyone else dealt with this?

[spitforspat]

My parents were big on the "just because someone else does it doesn't mean it's ok" thing.