S/O Bedsharing thread on April 2012

[gibbinator]

pandce.proboards.com/thread/314656/article-aap-sleep-sleeping#ixzz2z9JKuGmt

The article is interesting until it takes a weird anti-formula tangent.

I'm mostly wondering if you find that there is this much fear mongering about cosleeping. The referenced AAP ads seem extraordinarily extreme, and I agree that a focus on safe bedsharing/cosleeping makes a lot more sense than anti-bedsharing propaganda. As the author states, it's pretty much inevitable in a lot of families, especially bf mothers.

I remember during my prenatal classes, while I was in the hospital post-delivery, and later at the weekly mom's group at the hospital, the nurses often mentioned bedsharing as a way to help with the sleep deprivation and listed all the important safety steps to take. It's even in my government issued copies of breastfeeding and newborn care books.

[Deleted]

I agree we should educate parents on safe bed sharing practices.

I give a big WTF to most of the rest of the article. FFing is one of the biggest contributors to infant deaths. Ummmmmm, what?

[gibbinator]

Yes, the formula feeding dangers got a big WTF from me! Right up there with smoking.... Um....

[thebreakfastclub]

I have read James McKenna's work, and he makes some good points about why it's not as safe for FF moms to bedshare. This kind of stuff doesn't hurt my feelings as a FF mom.

I wanted nothing to do with room or bed sharing. For me, it was awful and I only lasted a few days. I don't want to be in sync with my baby at night - I want to see him in the morning, LOL.

I also wanted to choose a feeding method that provided the best sleep at night. And that's exactly what I got.

In the end, I did what I thought was best for my family, as does everyone else.

[catbus]

Apr 17, 2014 13:23:12 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

I have read James McKenna's work, and he makes some good points about why it's not as safe for FF moms to bedshare. This kind of stuff doesn't hurt my feelings as a FF mom.

I wanted nothing to do with room or bed sharing. For me, it was awful and I only lasted a few days. I don't want to be in sync with my baby at night - I want to see him in the morning, LOL.

I also wanted to choose a feeding method that provided the best sleep at night. And that's exactly what I got.

In the end, I did what I thought was best for my family, as does everyone else.

Yes! Had it been necessary, of course I would have done more MOTN wakings and feedings. And E was in our room the first three months because he did wake overnight for at least that long, so it made sense, but bedsharing was not something I wanted to do. (Plus E had his Ponseti brace by the time he was five weeks old; bedsharing with that could have been really painful!

But the HuffPo piece said bedsharing encourages more MOTN feedings in breastfed babies... which would not have been a selling point for me.  

[Deleted]

Research has shown it's more dangerous for ff babies to bedshare than bf babies. That's why the recommendations vary - it's what the research to date has established.

The American ads are ridiculous. It's not going to save any lives and encourages ultimately more unsafe sleep situations - I cringe so hard any time someone mentions nodding off in a glider or recliner with a baby.

[shellbear09]

Article is ridiculous with its views on ff. I don't know much about bedsharing but seems obviously not the safest. I had no interest in doing it for many reasons. I was all about getting that baby sleeping in her crib.

[gibbinator]

Apr 17, 2014 15:37:48 GMT -5 spunbutterfly said:

I think people also need to be careful of terminology. Co-sleeping, from what I understand, is different from bed-sharing.

Yes but from the sounds of the article the AAP also discourages most co-sleeping options, which I find bizarre considering, iirc, room sharing is supposed to reduce sids risk. I guess it's in the crib in the parents' room or nothing.

[Deleted]

I do find it irritating that Canada won't test and allow things like the Arm's Reach cosleeper. That thing was GOLD to me with DD and she spent a lot less time in bed with me because of it.

And having people say things like "I was all about having the baby sleep in the crib" just isn't helpful... I desperately wanted DS to sleep. Anywhere. At all. It was a really rough time, and having guilt heaped on top of his shitty sleep didn't help. I needed actual information at being as safe as I could while also surviving the months of many, many wakings.

[gibbinator]

Apr 17, 2014 17:47:53 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

I do find it irritating that Canada won't test and allow things like the Arm's Reach cosleeper. That thing was GOLD to me with DD and she spent a lot less time in bed with me because of it.

And having people say things like "I was all about having the baby sleep in the crib" just isn't helpful... I desperately wanted DS to sleep. Anywhere. At all. It was a really rough time, and having guilt heaped on top of his shitty sleep didn't help. I needed actual information at being as safe as I could while also surviving the months of many, many wakings.

So did your health department provide this information or did you have to seek it out on your own? I was told what felt like a thousand different times in various health care settings how to safely bedshare, to the point of encouragement even.
I'm wondering how much of the article is accurate wrt differences between the American experience described and my own.
Also, as I'm sure you know, I was a recliner sleeper for a couple weeks in my desperate attempts to get ds to sleep. He would not be laid down horizontal even on me. So it was no sleep or unsafe sleep for us.

I should tag @vicmo, hannamaren and @icedgems as well.

[Deleted]

gibbinator, here the home nurses very much discouraged bedsharing and gave me shit for having her sleep in the vibrating bouncer (even though she never slouched in that thing and I had zero worries about her airway).

[Deleted]

Honestly, in reading the article, the author doesn't seem to be saying formula fed babies are at greater risk when bed sharing. I don't think the studies you guys are talking about is what the author means at all. She seems to say, here are multiple risks: bed sharing, stomach sleeping and formula feeding. She discusses them as separate risks and says FFing contributes to infant deaths. She's complaining that there isn't an ad campaign against formula!

"What is certainly clear and uncontroversial is that many other factors are much bigger risk factors for death than bed sharing itself. One of those risk factors, sleeping on the stomach, was the subject of the highly successful "Back to Sleep" marketing campaign. But one of the biggest risk factors, formula feeding, is not discussed at all in social marketing campaigns to prevent infant deaths. Instead we have scary ads about bedsharing..."

[shellbear09]

Apr 17, 2014 17:47:53 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

I do find it irritating that Canada won't test and allow things like the Arm's Reach cosleeper. That thing was GOLD to me with DD and she spent a lot less time in bed with me because of it.

And having people say things like "I was all about having the baby sleep in the crib" just isn't helpful... I desperately wanted DS to sleep. Anywhere. At all. It was a really rough time, and having guilt heaped on top of his shitty sleep didn't help. I needed actual information at being as safe as I could while also surviving the months of many, many wakings.

Sorry I guess I wasn't trying to be helpful I was just expressing how I felt at the time. I don't try to give much sleep advice.  By some miracle what we tried worked well for us so yeah I pull from my own experience as do you.     

[Deleted]

My parents coslept with us kids for a long time so I always thought I'd be a closet cosleeper. Nope. B needs his privacy to settle down. I agree with the poster who said all these campaigns ignore the real life realities of having to care for a newborn.

[karinothing]

Apr 17, 2014 18:01:06 GMT -5 @246baje said:

Apr 17, 2014 17:47:53 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

I do find it irritating that Canada won't test and allow things like the Arm's Reach cosleeper. That thing was GOLD to me with DD and she spent a lot less time in bed with me because of it.

And having people say things like "I was all about having the baby sleep in the crib" just isn't helpful... I desperately wanted DS to sleep. Anywhere. At all. It was a really rough time, and having guilt heaped on top of his shitty sleep didn't help. I needed actual information at being as safe as I could while also surviving the months of many, many wakings.

Exactly!

you and @karinnothing helped me turn the corner. You specifically asked me what my goals were and told me that you could tell me about safe ways to bedshare.

Most people IRL were less than helpful and just made me feel like I was going to kill my child. But when I went home with DS everyone just accepted it as normal. 

If I didn't have this board I don't know what I would have done. DS woke all the damn time and was such a hungry baby. If we did not bedshare I would have lost it. 

I am glad we were able to help. I never thought I would bed share until I brought DS home and realized he had other plans. I agree with others that I really wish there was more talk about safe bedsharing methods. I remember my pedi asking us where DS slept and I shamefully said with me. She looked at me and told me that was okay and told me how to make it safe. I felt such a huge amount of relief after that.

[meltoine]

I have never discussed bed sharing with any medial professionals. Our current pedi hands out info sheets at every appt that state that bed sharing is unsafe, but he has never asked me about our sleeping arrangements.

I bed shared with DS1 for a few weeks and then kicked him out because I was sure that having him in our bed would ruin our marriage (lol!). He was a horrible sleeper in his crib for months, which definitely put a strain on my sanity and thus, our marriage. I bed shared with DS2 for about three months and had a lovely and gradual transition from full time bed sharing to part time bed sharing, to room sharing, to separate sleeping. God, it was so nice and easy. I kick myself for having been so rigid with DS1.

I do agree that the educational campaigns should focus on safe bed sharing, since it's so common that people fall asleep with their infants on the couch, or in the rocking chair, etc... I think it would be much better to teach people how to sleep in bed safely than let them think it's better to pass out somewhere really unsafe.

[lolo]

All the health professionals with whom I interacted would say something like, 'we have to tell you that the aap says bed sharing is unsafe. But if you do it, here's what to keep in mind.'

My doula sent me McKenna's information on doing it safely.

I thought DD would just sleep in the PNP by our bed. Lololol.

[Deleted]

I think there needs to be more info o. How to safely bed share. I did it with j and am doing it now. I need to sleep! I never set out to do it but when its that or hours attempting to get them to sleep, or with j, 500000 wakeups, I do what I have to.

I am open about it though. Most people don't want to admit they do it so they aren't safe in doing so or others choose less safe options like the couch etc to avoid it. So I am always open about it in hopes that I can maybe educate someone about safe bedsharing. I know a couple co workers were thankful I admitted it up front and asked me questions after feeling "safe" to admit they did it too.

[changedname]

Apr 17, 2014 17:56:14 GMT -5 gibbinator said:

Apr 17, 2014 17:47:53 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

I do find it irritating that Canada won't test and allow things like the Arm's Reach cosleeper. That thing was GOLD to me with DD and she spent a lot less time in bed with me because of it.

And having people say things like "I was all about having the baby sleep in the crib" just isn't helpful... I desperately wanted DS to sleep. Anywhere. At all. It was a really rough time, and having guilt heaped on top of his shitty sleep didn't help. I needed actual information at being as safe as I could while also surviving the months of many, many wakings.

So did your health department provide this information or did you have to seek it out on your own? I was told what felt like a thousand different times in various health care settings how to safely bedshare, to the point of encouragement even.
I'm wondering how much of the article is accurate wrt differences between the American experience described and my own.
Also, as I'm sure you know, I was a recliner sleeper for a couple weeks in my desperate attempts to get ds to sleep. He would not be laid down horizontal even on me. So it was no sleep or unsafe sleep for us.

I should tag @vicmo, hannamaren and @icedgems as well.

The home visit nurse specifically told me to bedshare and do side lying nursing. No one has ever asked me where she sleeps.

I did try bedsharing a few times a couple of weeks ago and definitely got better sleep for both of us. However I had a scare where I couldn't find her in the bed then realized that she was back in the rnp. It freaked me out so I have decided to go back to the rnp.

I've also fallen asleep a couple of times while nursing her in bed so I need to work on that.

[dukesilver]

I completely agree that there needs to be more education about bed sharing safely. I was terrified to put V into bed with me ever, but I discovered that I can do side lying nursing and get her to nap that way on occasion and that way I can rest too. Knowing how to do so safely has been a life saver for me.

In fact, just having the option of bed sharing has saved my sanity. Once I realized that she would sleep like that with me during the day, I decided to set up our guest bed for safe bed sharing in case things get really bad in the middle of the night. I haven't had to use it, but knowing the option is there makes me feel so much better.

DH was super opposed to it at all because he thinks it's so unsafe. Once I showed him all the precautions I was taking, and explained to him that I was terrified I would fall asleep with her in the glider, he was more onboard.

Sent from my SGH-T399 using proboards