Post by jojoandleo on Apr 24, 2014 17:09:13 GMT -5
berbles- talk to him. Crying is okay. Needing notes is okay. It will all be less awkward to actually talk.
You seem to give him a lot of "outs." By not being exclusive, and now by giving him a note. Giving a note and then acting like you never gave it to him (unless HE wants to talk about it) is another out.
Just talk. It will be scary, but it will all be on the table with no outs and no pretending.
berbles- talk to him. Crying is okay. Needing notes is okay. It will all be less awkward to actually talk.
You seem to give him a lot of "outs." By not being exclusive, and now by giving him a note. Giving a note and then acting like you never gave it to him (unless HE wants to talk about it) is another out.
Just talk. It will be scary, but it will all be on the table with no outs and no pretending.
You're totally right. I'm still learning that it's ok to ask for what I want and not feel bad about it. That goes WAY back to my childhood. BLAH.
He said that he, "Doesn't want things to change." I asked what he thought would change and he didn't know how to say/express it. He asked for a few days to think about it. That's fine.
He was very affectionate afterward and seemed to be making an extra effort to be attentive. E.g., he pretty much ignored his phone the whole night after we talked. That made me feel a little better.
We didn't see each other Saturday, but again, he seemed to put forth some extra effort to make sure I was aware of his plans and not waiting for him to call me Saturday night.
Last night I brought it up again; I said I didn't want to force him to talk until he's ready, but told him it's killing me to not hear anything. He told me, "Relax, it'll be fine."
I just wish I knew what he was thinking about. But I'm trying not to obsess. I think he's already thinking yes, but needs some time to change his mind set from "sort of available/single" to "boyfriend mode."
I also think he's worried about jealousy and wants to say that without offending me. He and his exFI had a pretty untrusting relationship and she was crazy jealous. Of course she was; she cheated on him constantly
So I'm giving him time to think about it. He still wants to hang out; he hasn't pulled back at all. I don't get the feeling he's freaked out, just that he needs to let it sink in that this is the right next step for both of us.
What's the plan if he doesn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend?
I hope that he does, but if for some reason he cannot commit, I hope that you take that at face value and move on.
You deserve it all, Berbles.
Yes, I will have to pull myself way back. I won't say I can't be friends with him, but it will be when I see him at the bar; I won't be hanging out at his house anymore.
I don't know if he fully realizes that, but I don't want him to feel like I'm threatening him, you know?
What's the plan if he doesn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend?
I hope that he does, but if for some reason he cannot commit, I hope that you take that at face value and move on.
You deserve it all, Berbles.
Yes, I will have to pull myself way back. I won't say I can't be friends with him, but it will be when I see him at the bar; I won't be hanging out at his house anymore.
I don't know if he fully realizes that, but I don't want him to feel like I'm threatening him, you know?
Totally makes sense. You would just be accepting what he says.
It kind of irks me that he seems to need so much time to think about it.
Shit or get off the pot, dude.
But, I get that I do not know the nuances of your relationship together.
Yes, I will have to pull myself way back. I won't say I can't be friends with him, but it will be when I see him at the bar; I won't be hanging out at his house anymore.
I don't know if he fully realizes that, but I don't want him to feel like I'm threatening him, you know?
Totally makes sense. You would just be accepting what he says.
It kind of irks me that he seems to need so much time to think about it.
Shit or get off the pot, dude.
But, I get that I do not know the nuances of your relationship together.
Me too, but I'm trying to be understanding. I learned (too late for my marriage) that exH often felt pressured to resolve things before he had time to really think through his responses because I am such a verbal/think through things out loud kind of person and he was not. I often talked over him and answered things for him. So this is kind of a good test for me; changing automatic behavior isn't easy.
AND - EMT tends to let things fly out of his mouth without thinking and then he has to go back and retract/correct his words. So I kind of appreciate that this means enough to him to not just say whatever comes to his head first.