Do you have a fear/hangup that is holding you back?

[y4m]

I got to go through a really amazing program my company puts on last week, and as part of it we talked a lot about fears and hangups that prevent us from doing things we want to do, or more generally that hold us back, and then we took steps to deal with those issues.

Mine was public speaking.  It's funny, because I do a ton of it at work, but I always spend a lot of time preparing to sort of manage the uncertainty of those situations.  To that point that I over prepare in situations I don't really need to.  So I had to stand up in front of our class and give a 10 minute speech without knowing the topic beforehand--my teammates handed it to me once I was up there.  They were nice and gave me a softball, but it was a great confidence builder to see that I really can handle situations like that.

Now I'm back home and all inspired to find other areas like this.  Like I'm making an appointment with a driving school to learn how to be confident driving a stick shift, because I have huge hangups about that from the way my dad tried to teach me when I was a kid.

Others in the class tackled hard personal conversations, or saw doctors about issues they had wanted to deal with, or learned things they had always wanted to learn but been to afraid to fail at.

So what hangups/fears are holding you back?  

[imojoebunny]

I guess you would call this a hang up. I loath doing certain task and put them off as long as possible. Some of them are really necessary. Most involve paperwork that is tedious to fill out, but really, almost anything paperwork oriented. Once I get started, I am fine, but I dread starting.

[abramos]

For me it is starting something new. Like going back to school. I am only in the first semester in my certificate program and I constantly keep asking myself, "Did I do the right thing?". I know I did because I am doing this for me and I really enjoy it (so far!).

[hopenotlost]

I want to go to nursing school so I can work in the psychiatric department of a hospital (I already have my bachelor's in Psychology, and I feel a nursing degree would be awesome to have as well with it), but my youngest is only 17 months old, and I can't stomach the thought of putting her in daycare while I go to school. So not really a fear, but a hang-up I guess.

[shaynaatl]

Fear of change for me. I like being comfortable and being in a routine.

[Deleted]

I have a lot of anxieties and hang ups. I'm sure there is a whole mess of hang ups around my weight.

[crashgizmo]

I have a huge fear of failure, which makes me just not try at all sometimes. It's weird because when I actually do try, I am usually really successful. It's causing a big issue for me professionally right now. I have the greatest opportunity to go into business for myself and it's so hard to actually completely pull the plug, because I am afraid I will fail.

Marianne Williamson says "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." I think this is true for me.

[midnightrae]

I can talk to strangers at work and I'm fine with public speaking, but my anxiety gets really bad when it comes to hanging out with people or making/meeting new friends. I also have driving anxiety, which also doesn't help when meeting/making new friends.
I'm sorry explorer2001 that we haven't been able to hang out yet.

[Deleted]

Go you for learning how to drive a stick shift more confidently!!!!!!!

[explorer2001]

Apr 28, 2014 23:38:28 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

I can talk to strangers at work and I'm fine with public speaking, but my anxiety gets really bad when it comes to hanging out with people or making/meeting new friends. I also have driving anxiety, which also doesn't help when meeting/making new friends.
I'm sorry explorer2001 that we haven't been able to hang out yet.

Hugs. No worries. We'll make times soon.


I'm dealing with my own hang ups right now and I think I need to get back into therapy to deal with it. I still have major trust issues, in part related to my divorce, but not really related to men, but to my family who I feel betrayed me. They always used to talk about what they would do if someone ever hurt me. Instead of standing up for me, protecting me, or taking my side even a little when I was being cheated on an abused, they made things much worse telling me "If you had been a better wife, he wouldn't have been abusive", "you don't understand how hard your divorce was on me" (um I guarantee it was harder on me), forbidding me from reaching out to my expended family, spreading lies, telling me I wasn't compassionate enough but my brother's divorce where he lied about being married, admitted to me he cheated on her and generally being an abusive ass to her (although he did admit physical assault he admitted emotional and financial abuse at a minimum), him telling me the best was to get over someone was to get under someone else, that women deserved what they got, that I had no right to expect to be treated with dignity and respect or for anyone to honor their promises to me, but he should never be let down even after everything he did because he had the right to expect honor from others because he was in the military, etc. Lately it's been "it's not fair to hold my prior actions against me" which is fucking bull shit, especially when in addition to the actions about they include dislocating my finger, laughing while your buddy's held me a knife point, my parents not defending me at any of these junctures or when my uncle hit me, etc. 


So yeah I'm pretty messed up about it. They are refusing to deal with the past and trying to make me a bitch and talk about how hurt they are that I'm so awful to them when all I'm doing that is "awful" is protecting myself and occasionally calling them out on their own bad behavior. Yeah I get that it's hard for them to know I don't trust them or hear they aren't perfect, but when I am so viscerally scared to for my own well being that I can't be in the same room as them without my adrenaline pounding, constantly looking for the next threat or attack and consider this visit a success because while I'm exhausted and emotionally and psychologically bruised - this time I wasn't physically hurt. That's no way to live. 

[nextbigthing]

I have a horrible fear of rejection. This is definitely keeping me from being as successful as I know I'm capable of. I know I just need to suck it up and put myself out there more but its really hard.

[karenj]

Mine is my weight. I am 80 lbs overweight and feel like I am the elephant in the room. I am sure for the most part people could care less but I feel like I cannot be successful because of my weight. I realize that is not true but I do let it hold me back.


explorer2001-I am so sorry you are going through all of that.  Do you have to associate with them often?  I think I would have to distance myself from them.  I realize sometimes that is not possible.  Big hugs to you.

[lasagnasshole]

Good luck with the stick shift, y4m!

I miss my stick shift, but it did suck in the city.

[countthestars]

I am so non-confrontational it's not even funny. I spoke with a Jehovah's Witness for 20 minutes one day because she would.not.leave. I even said okay when she asked if I would allow her to come back in a few months. (luckily we were moving in a month!!!)

I am also afraid of change. I don't love my current job but I fear changing jobs and then hating the new job even more than the old.

[randp1]

I have perfection paralysis. There are hobbies that I want to pursue (photography and sewing), but if i can't do it "perfectly", then I almost don't want to do it.

I guess i just have a fear of looking stupid/not succeeding/etc.

I also have a huge fear of public speaking.

[cajunmom]

I have a hangup about being somewhere and not knowing anyone. Not like running in to pick up takeout or things like that, but social things where I'm expected to talk and mingle but I don't yet know anyone there. That's one reason that I haven't made more of an effort to get together with Kore, even though I would love to meet her. Things like going to a party where I only know the hostess, but she knows everyone else so the majority of the time I'm standing around alone...no, thank you.

[bunnysmom]

Apr 29, 2014 6:28:45 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

Apr 28, 2014 23:38:28 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

I can talk to strangers at work and I'm fine with public speaking, but my anxiety gets really bad when it comes to hanging out with people or making/meeting new friends. I also have driving anxiety, which also doesn't help when meeting/making new friends.
I'm sorry explorer2001 that we haven't been able to hang out yet.

Hugs. No worries. We'll make times soon.


I'm dealing with my own hang ups right now and I think I need to get back into therapy to deal with it. I still have major trust issues, in part related to my divorce, but not really related to men, but to my family who I feel betrayed me. They always used to talk about what they would do if someone ever hurt me. Instead of standing up for me, protecting me, or taking my side even a little when I was being cheated on an abused, they made things much worse telling me "If you had been a better wife, he wouldn't have been abusive", "you don't understand how hard your divorce was on me" (um I guarantee it was harder on me), forbidding me from reaching out to my expended family, spreading lies, telling me I wasn't compassionate enough but my brother's divorce where he lied about being married, admitted to me he cheated on her and generally being an abusive ass to her (although he did admit physical assault he admitted emotional and financial abuse at a minimum), him telling me the best was to get over someone was to get under someone else, that women deserved what they got, that I had no right to expect to be treated with dignity and respect or for anyone to honor their promises to me, but he should never be let down even after everything he did because he had the right to expect honor from others because he was in the military, etc. Lately it's been "it's not fair to hold my prior actions against me" which is fucking bull shit, especially when in addition to the actions about they include dislocating my finger, laughing while your buddy's held me a knife point, my parents not defending me at any of these junctures or when my uncle hit me, etc. 


So yeah I'm pretty messed up about it. They are refusing to deal with the past and trying to make me a bitch and talk about how hurt they are that I'm so awful to them when all I'm doing that is "awful" is protecting myself and occasionally calling them out on their own bad behavior. Yeah I get that it's hard for them to know I don't trust them or hear they aren't perfect, but when I am so viscerally scared to for my own well being that I can't be in the same room as them without my adrenaline pounding, constantly looking for the next threat or attack and consider this visit a success because while I'm exhausted and emotionally and psychologically bruised - this time I wasn't physically hurt. That's no way to live. 

I'm so sorry explorer. I remember you telling me about your marriage and I can't believe the way that your family has behaved. You definitely don't deserve such bad treatment! You're compassionate, thoughtful, and supportive so that treatment is absolutely unfair!

I can't say that my family is as bad as yours but I'm very disappointed at how my sisters have acted after one instance when I had big problems with DH. They acted very judgmental and non supportive of my decisions and I think that the relationship is damaged forever after that. It's gotten to the point that I'm afraid to tell them something personal because they will gossip with everyone (they have done that in the past) or judge me or yell at me, so no thanks. 

[Deleted]

I am sure that I have some hangup related to work, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I guess it is related to ADHD but I have a lot of trouble pushing through to get to the next level. I don't know if it is fear per se but maybe that is a component. It's like I get my work done and have ideas of what I could do that's more and would get me further, but then I mess around online or whatever instead of actually doing it.

My biggest personal hangup is having difficult conversations. I am guessing it stems from things going so horribly so many times with my XH but I have a hard time bringing up things that I worry about or anything that might be uncomfortable to discuss. I've really been trying to be conscious of that and not avoid conversations just because they are hard, because I know that's not productive and doesn't lead to long term happiness. But despite forcing myself to have them, I'm still not comfortable. Thankfully these days there are not a lot of big issues to discuss but even minor ones could probably be handled more effectively if I could just spit out what I'm thinking.

[krystee]

Apr 29, 2014 9:52:12 GMT -5 randp1 said:

I have perfection paralysis. There are hobbies that I want to pursue (photography and sewing), but if i can't do it "perfectly", then I almost don't want to do it.

I guess i just have a fear of looking stupid/not succeeding/etc.

I also have a huge fear of public speaking.

I will just ditto this.

[Susie]

I have trouble with public speaking, which is a problem because going to companies and doing presentations is a big part of how we develop business.

I also have anxiety about my bike handling which has prevented me from buying and riding a tri bike (with aerobars) for triathlons instead of a road bike.  A tri bike would be faster, and is a better body position for transiting from bike to run.  But I had a downhill 35 mph crash a couple years ago and leaning that far forward is still scary to me.

I haven't come up with a concrete plan for dealing with either of these.  For the bike one, I'm just trying to log more miles outside this year, and not give in to "oh the weather kinda sucks, I'll ride on the trainer instead."  More miles on the road will hopefully mean more comfort.

[cjeanette]

My list is so long I have a fear of actually writing it down. Some days going all Grey Gardens sounds appealing. Minus the cats.

[Deleted]

My work situation (set up?) makes me feel like something is holding me back.

My coworker is at a conference. Work has been amazing the last two days without having to prance around her ego. It's so much easier to work with the students/get my own work done, collaborate with others. Things are getting done well and efficiently in a way that doesn't happen when we are both here.

I hate that my work awesomeness is affected by this. When you spend 40 hours a week and a very small shop with the same person, ego prancing is a necessity. It's nice to have a break.



I also fear change and losing the good health insurance. We would be drowning in medical debt right now if it wasn't for my insurance.

[y4m]

Apr 29, 2014 9:52:12 GMT -5 randp1 said:

I have perfection paralysis. There are hobbies that I want to pursue (photography and sewing), but if i can't do it "perfectly", then I almost don't want to do it.

We had several folks like this in our group--one had to go paint something in a public square.

[explorer2001]

Apr 29, 2014 13:13:56 GMT -5 Susie said:

I have trouble with public speaking, which is a problem because going to companies and doing presentations is a big part of how we develop business.

I also have anxiety about my bike handling which has prevented me from buying and riding a tri bike (with aerobars) for triathlons instead of a road bike.  A tri bike would be faster, and is a better body position for transiting from bike to run.  But I had a downhill 35 mph crash a couple years ago and leaning that far forward is still scary to me.

I haven't come up with a concrete plan for dealing with either of these.  For the bike one, I'm just trying to log more miles outside this year, and not give in to "oh the weather kinda sucks, I'll ride on the trainer instead."  More miles on the road will hopefully mean more comfort.

I had a similar all be it different experience with breaking my ankle a couple years ago on the side of a mountain. I haven't trusted myself/feet/legs the same way since. I was holding me back big time because I was afraid to workout alone.

Weird thanks to MM and Flat Stanley, I ended up hiking a local mountain alone to get the pictures before I ran out of time. Last Monday I did it. It was a challenge and I'm still more careful,but less scared having done it once now.

Also I don't want to be a total Debbie Downer in this thread.

Susie, you can do it. I'm sure time on the road will help. Hugs.

[Marmee]

Embarrassment of my skin, hair, nails keeps me from going getting my hair, nails done.

I have major, major anxiety around being in a car unless I'm driving. It's not affecting my life much anymore.

I have a pretty huge fear of letting people watch my children when they are infants, toddlers. I would definitely be on anxiety drugs if I wasn't able to SAH.

Also my weight is huge.

[dancingirl21]

I get inside my own head, which can be a major hang up. I convince myself I physically cannot do something when probably I actually could. I had a complete ACL reconstruction a few years back and because of that, I'm convinced that if I do something particular (skiing for example), I'm going to ruin it all over again. And now we have a baby so how could I possibly be on crutches? Physically I think I am fine, but the mental part of it is what hangs me up.

[gibbinator]

I'm not so much afraid of failure, as I am afraid of not excelling. Like anything less than perfection is terrible. A 3/5 is bad bad news.

I can't sleep if I realize I've made a mistake, even after correcting it. Or I spend the entire next day wallowing in my error even after making it right with my client.

It definitely hurts my confidence and makes for a slow turnaround time, which is a bad thing in my field. I also spend several days being incredibly anxious of poor reviews after completing a large project.

[Deleted]

I finally sucked it up and called the psychologist who treats caretakers at DH's hospital. It's really hard for me to admit how much trouble I'm having dealing with his diagnosis. Why should I feel so bad, I'm not the one with cancer.

[cjeanette]

Apr 29, 2014 19:09:55 GMT -5 @ameliapond said:

I finally sucked it up and called the psychologist who treats caretakers at DH's hospital. It's really hard for me to admit how much trouble I'm having dealing with his diagnosis. Why should I feel so bad, I'm not the one with cancer.

Because there is little that sucks worse than watching a loved one suffer. Glad you called. Hugs.

Sent from my SPH-L710 using proboards

[Deleted]

Yes, my anxiety is just always lurking there in the background. A few years ago I didn't drive at all but now I drive most non-highway roads without a problem. Every now and then I accidentally end up on a highway and I freak out. I can do it *sometimes* if my H is with me but even then it's hit or miss (not literally, I've actually never been in an accident).

I'm very restless. Today I almost walked out of Subway because I couldn't stand waiting for two people to order their sandwiches ahead of me.

Surprisingly having a baby has helped. I mean you can't just freak out when you're the one in charge. Plus the universe decided to give me the world's chillest baby.

Everything else I'm working on in therapy. Baby steps. I took a new job six months ago which is something I never would have done a year ago.