Friend being lame

[Deleted]

Tell her you have some concerns...then dont say another word. If i were you i would limit my contact with him.

[ECB]

Does she talk about him and mention any of the asshole stuff he does? If so, I'd start asking her questions. Questions framed around trying to get her to think about what it is that hes actually doing.

And sure, I'd pepper in some commentary "Really, he did that? Thta doesn't seem thoughtful. How did you feel after?". Or if she actually ever talks about this stuff as if it's funny "you find that funny? That doesn't seem like a great way to treat someone yo ucare about."

Etc.

[stephbfan]

My BFF is now married to a guy that I think is a complete douche. I told her what I thought about him at the time and encouraged her to think that she deserved someone better. She broke up with him for like 3 weeks and then got back together. At that point, I just didnt say anything. She already knows what I think so I just keep my mouth shut.

Tell her you are concerned and tell her why you don't think he is a good person for her, then just let her do whatever she wants to do.

[ECB]

I also agree w/ the others. If you out and out tell her that you have concerns, etc, you do it ONCE. We have a friend who was w/ a woman who we did NOT like and did not think was good for him. DH told him ONCE how he felt and swore he'd never mention it again.

The relationship continued for awhile, but luckily it did end up ending. But if it hadn't, DH would have stuck to his word. Our friend knew where he stood - no need to rehash it.

[hainesherway]

Jul 16, 2012 9:29:20 GMT -5 ECB said:

Does she talk about him and mention any of the asshole stuff he does? If so, I'd start asking her questions. Questions framed around trying to get her to think about what it is that hes actually doing.

And sure, I'd pepper in some commentary "Really, he did that? Thta doesn't seem thoughtful. How did you feel after?". Or if she actually ever talks about this stuff as if it's funny "you find that funny? That doesn't seem like a great way to treat someone yo ucare about."

Etc.

I agree with the above. Try to nicely point out she doesn't have to tolerate that type of behavior.

Random observation: who the hell goes to Rave parties anymore?

[jade28]

It sounds like she is aware he is not a good match if she talks about the bad things he does. I mean he sounds pretty obviously shitty so I'm sure she sees that loud and clear. Does she seem emotionally invested? Is she serious about him? Does she act like this could be a healthy, long-term relationship?

I ask just because maybe she is just viewing this as a fun fling and is enjoying the shenanigans...all the while knowing she deserves better. Admittedly, I have stayed with guys who are bad for me (although I would not be able to tolerate this guy's behavior) just because I enjoyed some part of him and I wasn't looking for anything serious so why not.

Make sure she knows she deserves better and there is better out there. Keep her self esteem up. I think it's ok to express concerns once but it sounds like she already knows his hiccups so not sure what you can do other than be there for her when she gets her head on straight.