What to do with XH's stuff?

[redredwine]

So, I'm in the process of moving, so this weekend while I was packing up things, I found a few of XH's personal things that were either kept in storage or for whatever reason, still around. I threw out most things of his/XIL's that I came across but I have a few things that I feel bad throwing out and I don't know why:

1. Christmas ornaments from when he was little (you know, all those "handmade" ornaments") His mom gave them to us so we could use them on our tree (even though I didn't like them, but whatever, I knew they meant alot to her)
2. a favorite book from his childhood.
3. his birth certificate (yes, an original) and a few certificates/awards from when he was in the Air Force. I have NO idea why he didn't take those, especially because they were in a filing box and he went through it?

Now, we didn't end of good terms, but we're civil if we have to be. I thought about just asking for his address so I can send him a few things that I came across if he was interested. I have no idea how he'll react (like "oh, hey sure." or "WTF do I care?")
When he moved out, he took what he wanted and never asked for a single thing back. I've tossed alot of "extra" things that he left around, etc.
I did keep the family heirloom e-ring because that was a gift to me, but for some reason, I feel really bad throwing these things away. Stupid guilt and being a good person getting the best of me, I think.

Also, when we divorced, I think I verbally agree to give him 1/2 of the deposit when I moved out but that was TWO years ago (I haven't moved until now). I agreed sort of in anger, but it's not in the divorce decree, so it's not written anywhere. Oregon is not a verbal contract law state, so I don't know if that would hold. I'm worried that if he knows I moved/moving, he'll ask for half of the deposit (which is decent).

So, WWSOD?

[walterismydog]

Something similar happened when I got divorced. I mailed the stuff to his mom.
I wouldn't worry about the deposit, personally. If he hasn't asked about it, then I would just keep it. Maybe that's jerky of me, but I'm poor.
ETA: If he asked about it, I would give half the deposit.

[doriswe]

Can you stick all of that in a box and send to his mom? Throw a note in that you were cleaning and found this stuff and thought she might like it?

Because I fear karma, I'd send him 1/2 of the deposit!

[Deleted]

I think nothing bad can happen from you asking him. I know it sucks to reach out to them, but in the long run it's the right thing to do. Or, if you have his parents address, I'd just send them there so you don't have to contact him to get his address.

Regarding the deposit, I wouldn't mention you were moving so that it doesn't come up. I'd just say you "came across" some things.

[blackkitty]

I would just send him an email and asks if he wants it. If he does he can come get it, if he doesn't toss it. I wouldn't go thorugh the trouble of mailing it and if you don't want to see him when he picks it up leave it somewhere outside or in the garage or something and let him know where to find it.
And about the deposit, I'd give it to him if he asks for it but if he doesn't I wouldn't.

[redredwine]

His parents have moved and honestly I'd rather crawl threw a sewer than get in contact with them. XH moved out of state, so I have to ask for his address.

I guess the thing to do is say that I came across things and see if he'd like them...then send it from my work address or something.
I need that half of the deposit. I wouldn't mention it, I just worry he'd ask. If he asks and fights me on it, I'd say we'd put it towards the remainder of our credit card we're paying off since he can't seem to make the payments on it anyways.

[explorer2001]

Jul 16, 2012 11:35:09 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Can you stick all of that in a box and send to his mom? Throw a note in that you were cleaning and found this stuff and thought she might like it?

Because I fear karma, I'd send him 1/2 of the deposit!

Pretty much this exactly. I found exH's baptismal certificate and mailed it to his mom. No note needed, nothing said, sent from a different zip from where I live.

[emma245]

Jul 16, 2012 11:32:21 GMT -5 redredwine said:

So, I'm in the process of moving, so this weekend while I was packing up things, I found a few of XH's personal things that were either kept in storage or for whatever reason, still around. I threw out most things of his/XIL's that I came across but I have a few things that I feel bad throwing out and I don't know why:

1. Christmas ornaments from when he was little (you know, all those "handmade" ornaments") His mom gave them to us so we could use them on our tree (even though I didn't like them, but whatever, I knew they meant alot to her)
2. a favorite book from his childhood.
3. his birth certificate (yes, an original) and a few certificates/awards from when he was in the Air Force. I have NO idea why he didn't take those, especially because they were in a filing box and he went through it?

Now, we didn't end of good terms, but we're civil if we have to be. I thought about just asking for his address so I can send him a few things that I came across if he was interested. I have no idea how he'll react (like "oh, hey sure." or "WTF do I care?")
When he moved out, he took what he wanted and never asked for a single thing back. I've tossed alot of "extra" things that he left around, etc.
I did keep the family heirloom e-ring because that was a gift to me, but for some reason, I feel really bad throwing these things away. Stupid guilt and being a good person getting the best of me, I think.

Also, when we divorced, I think I verbally agree to give him 1/2 of the deposit when I moved out but that was TWO years ago (I haven't moved until now). I agreed sort of in anger, but it's not in the divorce decree, so it's not written anywhere. Oregon is not a verbal contract law state, so I don't know if that would hold. I'm worried that if he knows I moved/moving, he'll ask for half of the deposit (which is decent).

So, WWSOD?

Definitely mail the stuff to him. My EXH threw out all my Xmas decorations I had gathered over years and I was PISSED. Some of them have more sentimental value than you think so I would suggest just sending them out of consideration.

I agree with a PP that there is really no harm in sending them

[redredwine]

Thanks everyone.

I may DD this later...

[usedtobebear]

I would be the better person and return his personal items to him or a family member. As far as the deposit, I wouldn't mention it unless he says something about it.

[aliciar6]

i'd give it to his mom

XH left some stuff at the house, in retrospect i wish i'd sold it, but i threw it away.

[aliciar6]

i also wouldn't give him the deposit...if it's not in the divorce decree, he can't require it, but if he wants to make a big stink he can try to go back to court to get it put in the decree

[bullygirl979]

Jul 16, 2012 12:27:04 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

I would be the better person and return his personal items to him or a family member. As far as the deposit, I wouldn't mention it unless he says something about it.

ITA.

[whattheheck]

Send it to his lawyer (if you used lawyers). As far as the deposit, I would take the position that the divorce decree pre-empts any verbal agreement. There is probably a clause in there that says something about the agreement being the whole agreement, blah blah blah.

[starburst604]

I also think you should send the stuff to his mom if you can. I know I would not *want* to give him half the deposit, BUT, I could also easily see someone here posting about how their ex sucks because they found out he moved and he did not hand over half the deposit as they had agreed upon. But I wouldn't look down on you if you didn't, I would want to keep it too. Just a little devil's advocate.

[redredwine]

Jul 16, 2012 13:16:42 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

Send it to his lawyer (if you used lawyers). As far as the deposit, I would take the position that the divorce decree pre-empts any verbal agreement. There is probably a clause in there that says something about the agreement being the whole agreement, blah blah blah.

This is my thought...
If I continue to see the lawyer, then I could ask him...for his "non legal advice" of course. I guess he can ask XH's laywer since they're good friends.

[naeljun]

I found some things and just gave them to my ex. I would text him or call him and let him know you found some stuff. YOu don't have to say you moved.

[redredwine]

Jul 16, 2012 15:28:21 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

It's been two years. Surely you can bring yourself to give him his childhood mementos. Box it up and ship it, or take it to his mom's, or call him and ask him to get it off the porch on X day, but give it back to him.

If the e-ring was an heirloom for real, I'd give that back too.

It's not a matter of if I can bring myself to, it's more of a "is it worth it" kind of thing. It's a matter of "it's not worth it, so I'll toss it" but I don't feel that's the right thing to do.

Thanks everyone.
I will get in contact with him, let him know what I have and ask what he wants me to do with it. I won't mention moving, I'll just mention I was cleaning/organizing.

Of course, I'm going to wait a little bit because I just sent him an email saying he's 10 days past the 10 day grace period on his portion of the credit card payment...AGAIN. I have no problem going to a lawyer on this one. It's in the decree and he has to pay for my legal bills. (he'll pay it, but I'm SO. F'ING SICK. of letting him know he's past due)

The ring was a gift to me. If he was worried about risking it and there was a chance he'd want it back, he shouldn't have proposed with that ring, IMO.