I need to be flamed!

[usedtobebear]

I'll try and make this brief... I need help pulling my head out of my ass.

Not divorced yet, consider myself separated since April/May.

Randomly got connected with an exbf about 4 weeks ago (long story). We dated when I was 20 he was 24 (he broke my heart). I am now 34 and he is 38. We hung out one night 4 weeks ago. But, he is also geting out of a relationship and needs to sort out himself. So, we delete each others numbers and say we'll talk in the future.

So, last week he gets in touch with my friend to tell me he sorted out his business and would love to hang out with me. So, we hang out again last Saturday. I really enjoyed it and didn't feel any guilt that my divorce isn't final. He was a good distraction and it helped me turn a corner as far as moving on with my life with out stbx.

Problem is now, I have hardly heard from him. (btw, before I was married texting wasn't even around so texting when you're single is a whole new world, and drunk texting is way too tempting) Anyway, I text him Wedneday, hey what's up, when are we going to hang out again. Don't hear from him until Friday night at like 11pm... and he says soemthing is wrong with this phone and he's been really busy working, but wants to hang soon.. Red Flag obviously. And I'm a red flag, why the eff am I even letting myself go down this road. Seriously, I'm already over analyzing everythign, feeling dumped, annoying myself that I want to keep hanging out with him, when really I'm way too vulnerable and just need to stay effing single for now. It's like I'm craving male attention. Also, my with stbx I had no libido, and now I just want to rip my old bf's clothes off.

So, I deleted his number again so I can't drunk text him like I did Satruday night, telling him to quit playing hard to get, so embarassing!

So, flame me ladies... wtf is my problem?

[blackkitty]

I can't flame you at all because I did pretty much the exact same thing when I got separated but substitute your ages that he was my boyfriend in High school.

[margaritagirl]

Jul 16, 2012 12:21:40 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

I can't flame you at all because I did pretty much the exact same thing when I got separated but substitute your ages that he was my boyfriend in High school.

Believe it or not - same here! I was separated, he wasn't right for me, old hs boyfiend in a horrible relationship himself. It was all sorts of wrong, but hard to cut it off. Now, I look back and roll my eyes. Seems like many people go through this stage early in the divorce process.

[stephbfan]

I don't know why we should flame you. You already admitted that he was not a good option and already deleted his number.

[mandimija]

I'd flame you if you were sitting there obsessing and wondering why he hadn't figured out that you were so right for each other.

But since you are just getting frustrated that you (understandably) wanted some positive male attention after beginning the clusterfuck that is the divorce process, I'm just going to tell you to get yourself a margarita.

[bullygirl979]

It is VERY normal to crave attention from the opposite sex after a break up. We need to feel attractive and wanted because often after a break up we feel like there is something wrong with us that it didn't work out with the last partner. We need to know that we "still got it".

Yesterday I was openly flirting with a guy that I am not even attracted to. Afterwards I shook my head at myself because I know what I was doing.

I won't flame you for being self aware. I would flame you if you blindly ran forward and professed your love for him and said you wanted to have babies with him. Just continue to be aware of what you are doing. And BTW, I would REALLY recommend being single for a while. No male attention at all, whatsoever. It is really easy to fall into something negative because you ARE vulnerable.

[usedtobebear]

Jul 16, 2012 12:24:24 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

I don't know why we should flame you. You already admitted that he was not a good option and already deleted his number.

Right, but I still secretly hopes he texts/calls and then I'll have his number again. If he pursues me then I would see him again, but I refuse to persue him like I did this weekend, so annoyed at drunk self!

[usedtobebear]

Jul 16, 2012 12:31:02 GMT -5 mandimija said:

I'd flame you if you were sitting there obsessing and wondering why he hadn't figured out that you were so right for each other.

But since you are just getting frustrated that you (understandably) wanted some positive male attention after beginning the clusterfuck that is the divorce process, I'm just going to tell you to get yourself a margarita.

Lol, no Margarita's, then my common sense goes out the window and I'll start drunk texting, j/k... Thanks!!

[blackkitty]

Jul 16, 2012 12:45:30 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

Jul 16, 2012 12:24:24 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

I don't know why we should flame you. You already admitted that he was not a good option and already deleted his number.

Right, but I still secretly hopes he texts/calls and then I'll have his number again. If he pursues me then I would see him again, but I refuse to persue him like I did this weekend, so annoyed at drunk self!

Don't be so hard on yourself!! This sounds way too familiar... I used to delete his number all the time hoping he'd text me back! In fact it's been years and we still text like once a week now just to stay in touch. He told me today actually that he is considering moving where I live even. Never know what the future holds.

[usedtobebear]

Jul 16, 2012 12:36:20 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

It is VERY normal to crave attention from the opposite sex after a break up. We need to feel attractive and wanted because often after a break up we feel like there is something wrong with us that it didn't work out with the last partner. We need to know that we "still got it".

Yesterday I was openly flirting with a guy that I am not even attracted to. Afterwards I shook my head at myself because I know what I was doing.

I won't flame you for being self aware. I would flame you if you blindly ran forward and professed your love for him and said you wanted to have babies with him. Just continue to be aware of what you are doing. And BTW, I would REALLY recommend being single for a while. No male attention at all, whatsoever. It is really easy to fall into something negative because you ARE vulnerable.

Thanks for the good advice!! I know I do need to be single, that's why I'm annoyed at myself for being annoyed at him for not knocking down my door wanting to hang out more, lol!.

[usedtobebear]

Jul 16, 2012 12:48:13 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Jul 16, 2012 12:45:30 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

Right, but I still secretly hopes he texts/calls and then I'll have his number again. If he pursues me then I would see him again, but I refuse to persue him like I did this weekend, so annoyed at drunk self!

Don't be so hard on yourself!! This sounds way too familiar... I used to delete his number all the time hoping he'd text me back! In fact it's been years and we still text like once a week now just to stay in touch. He told me today actually that he is considering moving where I live even. Never know what the future holds.

Thanks Blackkitty, I do tend to be way too hard on myself... If anything this has already taught me a few lessons on being single...

[hainesherway]

I totally understand, and have been there myself. I briefly dated one of my ex-bf's after my divorce. He was also fresh out of a long-term relationship and not ready to jump into anything new. I had to remind myself all the time that there was a reason we broke up in the first place to counteract the butterflies in my stomach and feeling like I wanted to belt out "Reunited and it feels so good". But seriously, try to move on as quickly as possible.

[roselis]

I can't flame you either. I was headed down that road with a friend too that I hadn't seen in awhile. We hung out, hooked up, and then barely heard from him. Talked to my BFF and I deleted his number. I still see him at his work (not stalking, he just is a waiter at the restaurant by my house that my group of friends goes to. That's where I ran back into him) but if he wants to hang out, he can contact me.
Good for you for realizing it and deleting his number like that. I agree with bullygirl 100% on this.

[explorer2001]

Good for you for being self aware. It's totally understandable to want positive make attention. You are also right that he's not in a place to provide it in a healthy way. Enjoy being single. You never know what you'll discover. No flames from me either. I didn't end up dating an old bf again because we weren't in touch but I admit to thinking about it if we had been.

[jojoandleo]

But if he does text and pursue you and you do go out with him, you will be wasting your time. He's just not that into you. If he was, he would have contacted you, but he didn't! Do you want to date someone who doesn't even return your texts? Dump him, move on. You are worth mOrr.

[lookingup]

Do what you want. We've all been through something like this. We will flame you if you decide to jump into (or even pursue) a relationship with this guy any time soon.

[stephbfan]

Jul 16, 2012 13:21:00 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

But if he does text and pursue you and you do go out with him, you will be wasting your time. He's just not that into you. If he was, he would have contacted you, but he didn't! Do you want to date someone who doesn't even return your texts? Dump him, move on. You are worth mOrr.

:Y:

[usedtobebear]

Jul 16, 2012 13:21:00 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

But if he does text and pursue you and you do go out with him, you will be wasting your time. He's just not that into you. If he was, he would have contacted you, but he didn't! Do you want to date someone who doesn't even return your texts? Dump him, move on. You are worth mOrr.

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear, he's just not that into me (but, I swear when we were together he was totally into me), LOL... I can tell being single is going to be a new adventure after being married so long, I really need to re-learn the theory of the least interested always wins and how to play hard to get...

[bullygirl979]

Jul 16, 2012 17:43:20 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

Jul 16, 2012 13:21:00 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

But if he does text and pursue you and you do go out with him, you will be wasting your time. He's just not that into you. If he was, he would have contacted you, but he didn't! Do you want to date someone who doesn't even return your texts? Dump him, move on. You are worth mOrr.

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear, he's just not that into me (but, I swear when we were together he was totally into me), LOL... I can tell being single is going to be a new adventure after being married so long, I really need to re-learn the theory of the least interested always wins and how to play hard to get...

There is a line between having self worth (i.e. not throwing yourself at someone) and playing games. For the love of all women, no make that all of human kind, please don't play games. I HATE people who think they need to play games. If someone is just into you because you play "least interested" then they are playing games, and as soon as it isn't "fun" for them anymore, they will move on.....

[jojoandleo]

Jul 16, 2012 17:43:20 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

Jul 16, 2012 13:21:00 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

But if he does text and pursue you and you do go out with him, you will be wasting your time. He's just not that into you. If he was, he would have contacted you, but he didn't! Do you want to date someone who doesn't even return your texts? Dump him, move on. You are worth mOrr.

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear, he's just not that into me (but, I swear when we were together he was totally into me), LOL... I can tell being single is going to be a new adventure after being married so long, I really need to re-learn the theory of the least interested always wins and how to play hard to get...

He probably was into you when he was with you, but not as into you as he is into himself. When you aren't present, he will only call when he feels like it, hang out with you when he feels like it, etc. It's not that he doesn't like you, he just can't be bothered to make an effort. He sucks, you rule, find someone else who rules.

[usedtobebear]

Jul 16, 2012 17:49:16 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Jul 16, 2012 17:43:20 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear, he's just not that into me (but, I swear when we were together he was totally into me), LOL... I can tell being single is going to be a new adventure after being married so long, I really need to re-learn the theory of the least interested always wins and how to play hard to get...

There is a line between having self worth (i.e. not throwing yourself at someone) and playing games. For the love of all women, no make that all of human kind, please don't play games. I HATE people who think they need to play games. If someone is just into you because you play "least interested" then they are playing games, and as soon as it isn't "fun" for them anymore, they will move on.....

Thank you for this, I don't want to play games, that's part of why I'm annoyed as all my single friends are telling me this is how it is and it's totally common, and I'm like wtf?!? I'm just going to stick to being single for a long time and maybe make out with a cute boy every now and then. I'm just annoyed that I got sucked in so fast. I think it's because he dumped me so hard 14 years ago so I've held him up on some pedestal when in reality I'm too cute for him anyway, lol..

[usedtobebear]

Jul 16, 2012 17:50:35 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Jul 16, 2012 17:43:20 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear, he's just not that into me (but, I swear when we were together he was totally into me), LOL... I can tell being single is going to be a new adventure after being married so long, I really need to re-learn the theory of the least interested always wins and how to play hard to get...

He probably was into you when he was with you, but not as into you as he is into himself. When you aren't present, he will only call when he feels like it, hang out with you when he feels like it, etc. It's not that he doesn't like you, he just can't be bothered to make an effort. He sucks, you rule, find someone else who rules.

Thanks you sound like one of my Bff's, she's always telling me I rule, lol...

[bullygirl979]

Jul 16, 2012 18:13:06 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

Jul 16, 2012 17:49:16 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

There is a line between having self worth (i.e. not throwing yourself at someone) and playing games. For the love of all women, no make that all of human kind, please don't play games. I HATE people who think they need to play games. If someone is just into you because you play "least interested" then they are playing games, and as soon as it isn't "fun" for them anymore, they will move on.....

Thank you for this, I don't want to play games, that's part of why I'm annoyed as all my single friends are telling me this is how it is and it's totally common, and I'm like wtf?!? I'm just going to stick to being single for a long time and maybe make out with a cute boy every now and then. I'm just annoyed that I got sucked in so fast. I think it's because he dumped me so hard 14 years ago so I've held him up on some pedestal when in reality I'm too cute for him anyway, lol..

Let's think about this for a second....they all play games, yet they are all still single....it is working REALLY well for them, eh?

Like attracts like. If you want a game player, then by all means, play games. Me? I seriously don't have time nor patience for it. So if a guy doesn't like me because I don't play games....well, then I really don't want to be with him in the first place!

[missbetty1]

I agree with PP at least you recognized where you went wrong...