I got breastfeeding shamed at daycare

[ssmjlm]

by another mom.

In the early walker room, I get E all setup with breakfast before I go.  She's teething and didn't want her yogurt this morning.  I jokingly said "No yogurt, no milk, you'll be getting mama milk (BFing) forever."

And then another mom was all "my son is 21 months and we're still breastfeeding, sometimes they're just not ready to stop."

So apparently making it to a year doesn't get me my medal yet yall!

[incognitony]

May 13, 2014 7:06:45 GMT -5 @starry said:

Wait I think she was being supportive?

I agree

[Ashley&Scott]

May 13, 2014 7:08:22 GMT -5 incognitony said:

May 13, 2014 7:06:45 GMT -5 @starry said:

Wait I think she was being supportive?

I agree

Me too.

[ssmjlm]

May 13, 2014 7:06:45 GMT -5 @starry said:

Wait I think she was being supportive?

No, it was very much a "don't wean until their ready" except I'm ready, E is just fighting it.

[Deleted]

I can see how that comment could go either way depending on tone. Funny how many levels of shame there are in the BFing world.

[justjen]

I think you're reading too much into that. How would she know you're ready to wean? It sounds like she was commiserating.

[spk926]

Sorry I'm not seeing it here. You said your daughter will be "getting mama milk forever". How did the other mom know that you were being sarcastic and actually you want to wean?

Team she was being supportive!

[barefootcontessa]

it sounds like you are projecting. from what you said (mama's milk forever) she would have no idea you are planning on weaning.

[whitepicketfence]

Add me to team supportive. I don't see how she was shaming you by that comment.

[lilac05]

I also took it as supportive, unless you had previously told her that you're ready to wean.

You can still have your medal.

[Deleted]

Based on what you said, "Milk forever" I probably would have said the same thing.
I took her comment as "It's a hard road and takes awhile!"

I think she was trying to be nice/help you out/relate.

[Jalapeñomel]

I think she was supporting you.

[Deleted]

She couldn't know from your comment that you are trying to wean, and that doesn't sound like "don't wean until they are ready" anyway. Honestly from what's posted here it sounds like she assumed you were a fellow extended BFing mom was trying to reach out and connect.

[Ashley&Scott]

I agree with the others, unless you have specifically told her you're trying to wean she has no idea. She was trying to reach out/sympathize/support/etc.

[hermione]

This place is rapidly becoming a no-venting zone

[ssmjlm]

May 13, 2014 9:16:37 GMT -5 hermione said:

This place is rapidly becoming a no-venting zone

No it's ok, I could have typed out the huge story with all the background, or people could have remembered that I'm trying to wean, E doesn't like milk, and has meltdowns if she doesn't get to nurse morning and night (especially morning).

I mean the mom was telling me how her preshus still sleeps in their room, etc, and was being pretty know it all about it, but it's ok.  I didn't paint an adequate picture.

I think I'm just going to start sensoring myself a bit.

[sproutmd]

I got what you meant. She was coming from the angle of, stop trying to wean your kid when she's not ready.

My $.02.

ETA: spelling

[CloudBee]

That actually sounds like a friendly comment, and sharing her life with you. You know, that she's in a similar boat.

This is a safe place to vent. And sometimes in return, you just get told to loosen up a bit because maybe you're stressing yourself out?

[hermione]

May 13, 2014 9:23:07 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

May 13, 2014 9:16:37 GMT -5 hermione said:

This place is rapidly becoming a no-venting zone

I think I'm just going to start sensoring myself a bit.

Me too.

[Deleted]

I'm really sorry to see people feel they need to censor themselves on here. I think all of the responses on this thread were kind and made sense within the limited context of what was originally posted.

I have always felt MMM is a safe place to vent, and I'm glad the women here are honest. I know they will have my back when I come here to vent, and give me a different perspective when I need it, too.

[lilac05]

May 13, 2014 9:23:07 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

No it's ok, I could have typed out the huge story with all the background, or people could have remembered that I'm trying to wean, E doesn't like milk, and has meltdowns if she doesn't get to nurse morning and night (especially morning).

I mean the mom was telling me how her preshus still sleeps in their room, etc, and was being pretty know it all about it, but it's ok.  I didn't paint an adequate picture.

I think I'm just going to start sensoring myself a bit.

It's always hard to give the whole picture in a few words here.  Some people here may remember your history, but not everyone will.  It's a pretty big community.  I don't think anyone here is trying to tear you down, just trying to see that you don't need to be defensive.  I know how hard it is to wean, especially when it's on your timeline and baby disagrees.  You don't need to feel guilty about it & don't let anyone else make you feel that way, either.

If the mom was being condescending and judgy, that was really crappy of her & I'm sorry you had to start your day that way.  You are trying to work through this & figure out how to make the transition go smoothly for your whole family.  That's not easy.

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make sure kids are getting enough milk...but it's not a critical part of our diet.  With some careful selection of foods, you can get all of the nutrition of milk from other sources.  When DS1 weaned, he barely drank any milk for quite awhile.  I just made sure to watch protein, vitamin D, and calcium intake from other sources.  

[karinothing]

Well, I do think she is being supportive. I also think this is a safe place to vent. Safe place to vent doesn't mean place where everyone agrees with you. Sometimes it is useful for people to point how how someone else might have seen the situation.

I mean even though WE know your history of weaning, the other mom doesn't.

[havarti]

People can't read your mind. Sorry.

[Marmee]

I'm trusting ssjlm can decipher the tone better than us....so if she was being all judge then I'm sorry.

[Deleted]

I just don't think SSM would have made the post if the woman said it in a kind supportive tone.

[hermione]

May 13, 2014 10:04:54 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

May 13, 2014 9:16:37 GMT -5 hermione said:

This place is rapidly becoming a no-venting zone

 Really?

Yes, really.

I understand that a complete picture can't be painted in a short post but even when the OP came back and said, no tone and context made it clear, people are still like, you took it wrong. Ummmmm, ok.

[sproutmd]

I think it's time for a group hug. 

[Deleted]

May 13, 2014 9:37:28 GMT -5 @carmensandiego said:

I'm really sorry to see people feel they need to censor themselves on here. I think all of the responses on this thread were kind and made sense within the limited context of what was originally posted.

I have always felt MMM is a safe place to vent, and I'm glad the women here are honest. I know they will have my back when I come here to vent, and give me a different perspective when I need it, too.

The reason I come here to vent and post stuff is because you all let me know when I'm wrong. If I don't want the advice and want to believe I'm right on something, I don't post it or at least ignore the advice I don't agree wiht.  

Nobody is overly mean in these posts usually. Honest isn't equal to being mean afterall. 

I got blasted a bit on H*G yesterday. Not in a bad way, just a differing opinion. I'm fine with that. Nobody was mean and I learned something. That's the whole point. 

And yeah, it's random people on the internet. If you don't agree you don't have to. Muchless care. 

It's not fair to be all "I'm sensoring myself!" when you admit you left out half the backstory. How are we supposed to know? We only respond based on what we know. 

[Deleted]

May 13, 2014 10:07:35 GMT -5 hermione said:

May 13, 2014 10:04:54 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

 Really?

Yes, really.

I understand that a complete picture can't be painted in a short post but even when the OP came back and said, no tone and context made it clear, people are still like, you took it wrong. Ummmmm, ok.

I'm sorry she got her feelings hurt. But really, life is too damn short to be so sensitive about every comment people make in here and IRL. 

I just feel like there's a lot of "Soandso said" on here lately and someone is all upset Why? What for? 
I mean really who cares? If I didn't let half the sh*t go people tell me about my parenting or life in general I'd never sleep at night. Even in my real life I try to assume people mean well and are just trying to help me out, not take everything people tell me the complete "bad" way off the bat.

And we talk all day long about supporting other moms, not tearing them down etc. etc. blah blah. But then someone hands out some advice or talks about what's useful to them and all of a sudden they're the "mean girl."  I don't get it. Why do people to tend to assume that their "right" is "automatically" your wrong.  Spinning someone else's advice the wrong way isn't supportive either.

I learned a long time ago on here that if I don't want the advice, I don't ask for it. 

And this place is tame. Shall we remember the Bump?  

[kdubs923]

I'm just glad SSM stopped complaining about her in-laws.



Too soon?