I don't know what area of town you live in, but you're more than welcome to drop L off at my house in the afternoons and just go take a walk by yourself or something. And yeah, he needs to pick her ass up tomorrow and take her to dinner. Fuck you meeting his demands!
That's exactly what I told him- that if his "social life and hobbies" were more important than spending time with his daughter, that's on him. 4 days a month with your kid? Really?
I know he loves her, he's just so fucking lazy and self-centered. But of course, he wants us to meet him for dinner Weds so he can see her. Not him come and take her to dinner, me bring her to him.
Fucking A, man.
We will be ok, but I'm just so disappointed in him.
My xh has NEVER gone out of his way to see dd. Our divorce decree gives me full custody and just says that he needs to give me 24 hours notice if he wants to see her. He has taken advantage of that approximately never. And I won't allow him to have her by himself since he's an alcoholic. The visitation "schedule" we have actually sends her to my xmil's and if he wants to see her then he goes there to see her, but he never contacts me directly to spend time with her. The alcohol always was, always is, and always will be more important to him then his daughter. It's sucks. But I just keep telling myself the same thing....It's all on him. He'll be kicking himself one day when he realizes he missed her entire childhood, and even more so when she finally figures out that he doesn't care and she stops caring so much.
I'm sorry. It's the hardest thing in the world. If you ever want to "talk" feel free to PM me. And I'm close enough that we could meet in the middle to gtg if you want.
Post by walterismydog on May 13, 2014 11:04:46 GMT -5
Sorry for yet another post - but do you think L would like planting a garden? I can set aside a little piece of land for her that can be Lilly's Garden and she can plant it and take care of it and it would be so fun! And she can play with Walter kitty and Emma!
I also have about a million craft supplies if she would like that sort of thing.
Post by aussiecrush on May 13, 2014 11:11:25 GMT -5
You aren't failing. Every hard day now will be worth her not spending every day with someone who doesn't put her first, ever. What an ass. Sounds like you've got some great support here, I hope you get a bit of a break. Good luck job hunting and talking to your lawyer.
Post by dowagercountess on May 13, 2014 11:24:48 GMT -5
You need a new lawyer that is working for just you. It will be more money, but worth it in the long run. And his four days will entitle you to more child support.
Why don't you have access to any money? And you can't file? None of that sounds good. Do you think it's time for a new lawyer? Or do you just need to play it in a more hardball kind of way?
I have access to a small amount of money. Not a lot. He keeps his money in an account I don't have access to.
I probably do need to be more of an asshole. I've been trying to keep it amicable, but he's not upholding his end of the deal.
Looking out for yourself and L is NOT being an asshole.
I hope your lawyer can draft something to give him that will talk some sense into him.
And LOL that having L every weekend would impede on his hobbies and social life. Tough shit dude. The responsibility of having a kid trumps hobbies and social life. Or he can do what lots of other people do and have his parents watch her after she goes to bed so he can go be social.
I don't have any legal advice. But the gym is the only break I got during the day before my son started preschool. Can you do a 1 week trial with every gym in the area with childcare? Or do you have a Y near you? They have scholarships you can apply for that can give you a big discount on membership and children's classes. Gives you a break and some routine.
Sorry for yet another post - but do you think L would like planting a garden? I can set aside a little piece of land for her that can be Lilly's Garden and she can plant it and take care of it and it would be so fun! And she can play with Walter kitty and Emma!
I also have about a million craft supplies if she would like that sort of thing.
Sorry for yet another post - but do you think L would like planting a garden? I can set aside a little piece of land for her that can be Lilly's Garden and she can plant it and take care of it and it would be so fun! And she can play with Walter kitty and Emma!
I also have about a million craft supplies if she would like that sort of thing.
dafuq didn't you do that for ME?
I can set aside a little piece if land for you and call it Gypsy's Garden! Lol. Who else wants in??
Post by daisyheadmaizie on May 13, 2014 12:06:48 GMT -5
He is being such a dickhead about all of this and totally taking advantage of you under the guise of keeping things amicable. Fuck him. Time to stand up and stop letting him make things harder on you and L. I'm sorry you are going through this. My life is crazy now, but come June I'll have more free time. So let me know if you want to go to the park with the kids or just hang out.
Post by litebright on May 13, 2014 12:52:05 GMT -5
The thing is, just loving somebody isn't enough when you aren't willing to DO anything. Sure, he has the emotion of love towards L. I'm sure he feels that strongly. But he's dragging his feet on getting support money to HER in the wake of moving out of her home, and putting time with her second to his social life and hobbies, which means he only puts his love into action when it's convenient for him.
You show L how much you love her every day by being there, by engaging her, by taking care of her and making sure she has what she needs. Your STBX can say all he wants that he loves L, but unless he ponies up his time and support for her, he is mostly just paying lip service and that's super shitty of him.