It is BULLLLLSHIIIIIT you moved out and he isn't giving you ANYTHING. Do you have a lawyer? Why don't you file? Does it make a difference who files in your state?
Post by nancybotwin on May 13, 2014 8:03:44 GMT -5
I'm sorry.
Remember that this is temporary. It's ok if your daughter watches more TV than you would want or eats foods you'd prefer she doesn't have. Just survive right now -- someday this will be a memory of "that really sucky time but at least it wasn't that long..."
It is BULLLLLSHIIIIIT you moved out and he isn't giving you ANYTHING. Do you have a lawyer? Why don't you file? Does it make a difference who files in your state?
I asked him if he wanted to have her every weekend and he said "I need some time for myself on the weekends too. Basically that would kill any hope of me having a social life or hobbies."
I have a lawyer. We both have to sign the paperwork to file. I gave it to him and all he needs to do is get it notarized, but he says he wants to find a lawyer first. Which he is taking his sweet fucking time doing. I don't think I can do anything more right now.
OMG. I'm mad for you.
If he won't take her every weekend, he needs to step up during the week. He initiated the separation and he is just as much responsible for her childcare. You shouldn't have to be a single mom while he's doing whatever he wants.
I told him he had until the end of the week to get the paperwork signed. If he hasn't, I will talk to my lawyer and see what I can do.
And, since I'm already bitching, he is being such an asshole about little things. I realized last night that I left a box at the house that has really important paperwork in it (like L's birth certificate and my passport). I texted him to ask if it was still there and he didn't even bother to reply.
Just show up at the house and take it. Don't let him think he's got all this power. Man, what an ass.
What a dick. How far apart are you guys? He can come and get her after work, and bring her back in a few hours. He better find a good lawyer since he apparently wants to have his cake and not pay for it. Asshole.
Luckily, he's only 15 minutes away. But as of yet, he's been too lazy to drive out here at any point.
Oh, and GET THIS. He got a big bonus back in April. I'm entitled to half of it. He was going to give it to me, but now he thinks he is going to use my half to pay for my lawyer. ell oh fucking ell.
OMG jez.
You need to talk to your lawyer, like, yesterday. Shit. I'd be pretty tempted to move back in and tell him to move out. He's not at all uncomfortable with the situation and that's why he's not doing anything to change it. And FUCK NO to using the money YOU'RE entitled to for his own lawyer.
Post by partiallysunny on May 13, 2014 8:19:08 GMT -5
I dont have any legal advice but I may have some cheap kid wrangling ideas that could help.
I suggest long walks with your kid when she starts to drive you crazy. Trips to the playground. Look up your local parks and library online. They usually have free kids activities. Especially in the summer. Lowes and Home Depot both have free child building clinics on certain weekends. You can sign up online.
I wouldn't worry about your kid watching too much tv or eating junk food, this is a sucky but temporary situation. Her father being a dickface who only fancies taking her every other weekend is the thing that will come to be regtretted in the long run.
I'd call the lawyer to see if things can be speeded up in any way.
That's exactly what I told him- that if his "social life and hobbies" were more important than spending time with his daughter, that's on him. 4 days a month with your kid? Really?
I know he loves her, he's just so fucking lazy and self-centered. But of course, he wants us to meet him for dinner Weds so he can see her. Not him come and take her to dinner, me bring her to him.
Fucking A, man.
We will be ok, but I'm just so disappointed in him.
You're not going to do that, right? You're going to be spending that time instead with your lawyer figuring out how to get a jump on this because all that voodoo he's selling you about "blah blah I don't have a lawyer yet blah blah no money for you because i don't want to file yet" is a bunch of malarkey.
I'm sorry. Just know that this will pass. My dad left my mom when my sister and I were pretty young. I know things had to be awful but all I remember is a house filled with love. We didn't see him much in the beginning and we didn't have much but I just remember fun times with my mom.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know it is awful now but it'll pass and you guys will grow stronger from it.
Post by speckledfrog on May 13, 2014 8:51:55 GMT -5
Why don't you have access to any money? And you can't file? None of that sounds good. Do you think it's time for a new lawyer? Or do you just need to play it in a more hardball kind of way?
Why don't you have access to any money? And you can't file? None of that sounds good. Do you think it's time for a new lawyer? Or do you just need to play it in a more hardball kind of way?
I have access to a small amount of money. Not a lot. He keeps his money in an account I don't have access to.
I probably do need to be more of an asshole. I've been trying to keep it amicable, but he's not upholding his end of the deal.
Listen, I've never been divorced and I'm not a divorce lawyer. But "amicable" implies that each party is prioritizing the other's needs and doing so in an effort to work through issues in a mutually agreeable way. "Amicable" does not mean one party (who has all of the responsibility and none of the money) just bends over backwards to avoid pissing off the other party (who has all the money and none of the responsibility). That's not "amicable," that's just manipulative. Fuck him.
That sounds really rough. It 's not fair to you to be solely responsible for your child's wellbeing.
I know that this is going to sound creepy as fuck, but if you ever want to get together for a playdate, I think we're in the same general area. I've met litebright at cooking club a couple of times many years ago so obviously I'm not a psycho. My girls are 4 and 8.
Post by litebright on May 13, 2014 10:54:17 GMT -5
Listen, @jezebel. I pick my girls up from school and will be home by 3:45. Come and drop L off any time after that. She can play with them for a couple of hours, I will feed her dinner and you can have some time to re-charge.
Seriously. You have my number. Let's get you a break. She'll have fun and so will my girls.
Post by jeaniebueller on May 13, 2014 10:54:25 GMT -5
I am so sorry he is being a dick. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. At this point, I would straight up tell him that he has until the end of the week to get his lawyer or you are going to file on your own. Its not fair that you had to move into your parents house, and are acting as a single parent and don't have an income while he sits there weighing his options. I know you mentioned that money is tight and it will cost your more money to file on your own, but I think you ought to consider it, because I worry he is going to take advantage of you financially, since he is already taking advantage of you with your current child care arrangement. You are an awesome mom and need to make sure that your interests and the interests of your child are being protected.
I know he loves her, he's just so fucking lazy and self-centered. But of course, he wants us to meet him for dinner Weds so he can see her. Not him come and take her to dinner, me bring her to him.
Neeewwwwwwpppp
He wants you to come along so you can do the work. No
Post by walterismydog on May 13, 2014 10:57:45 GMT -5
What a complete and total ssshole your X is being. He should be ashamed of himself.
You are doing an awesome job - always remember that. And anytime you need a break, I am happy to help. I love kids and I'm off three days a week most weeks, during the weekdays. Just let me know.
But seriously. I want to go throat punch your STBX. seriously fuck him. What a POS.
Post by hopecounts on May 13, 2014 10:59:43 GMT -5
Have you talked to your lawyer about petitioning for a temporary support order? I'm not sure if it is an option in your state or not but some places if you are living separately the custodial spouse can petition for a temp. order for child support until the couple officially file.
It is great you are trying to be nice. But he needs to learn he does not get it both ways. He does not get to be an active dad without actually being active.
Having you come to dinner is a perfect example of what he is trying to do. He doesn't have to deal with his kid if mom is along. But he can maybe hear a cute story and feel satisfied. Sorry buddy, you wanted to divorce now you will have to learn what single parenting is like.