For those that are engaged or soon to be..

[margaritagirl]

When did you know your guy was the one for you? Did it take you longer due to a difficult divorce/breakup, or did you realize sooner because it actually felt right vs. wrongness before?

Just curious, mainly. I had an emotional divorce, went through therapy, dated many wrong men, and can't believe I've found my current SO after all that mess. I almost can't believe he's real.

[bowies]

In a way, both.

I had my guard way up at the beginning, but that's not unusual for me. I knew he was someone I could get serious about, and so I mentally vetted him and gut-checked him for a while. Once I felt that I knew him, my walls came down.

As far as "knowing" - it's just been an easy relationship. I see myself raising children with him and growing old with him. I'm just so secure in that and feel no need to push for it. He's defined the word partnership for me. I thought I knew what that was before, but now I realize I was just a silly beebee. We have disagreements occasionally, sure, but no juvenile behavior or wanting to hurt the other person. He's just unabashedly all-in, and I'm unabashedly all-in too.

[sparkles17]

I am not engaged, but the BF and I have talked about marriage in detail. When did I know he was the one? Honestly? Almost immediately. I know that it sounds cliche, but we had a great connection from day 1 and it's only gotten better and stronger since.

Oh, and if it matters, we've been together 8 months.

[prettyinpearls]

For me, it happened rather quickly and I do attribute it to the fact that I knew what a "wrong" relationship was due to my divorce. I knew what I would and wouldn't accept from a life partner, as well as what kind of girlfriend/FI/wife I needed to be for that person in return. The relationship I have with FF is polar opposite on so many levels. I do think our relationship hit fast forward in a few ways because we've known each other (and our friends/families) since we were young teenagers. We had to get to know each other as adults, but we already knew what kind of foundation the other person had in their younger years.

Prior to my relationship with XH, I thought I had a good handle on who I was as a person and what I wanted out of life. My divorce has completely changed that -- I'm a much stronger person than I ever thought was possible. I enjoyed my time alone (and still do when FF is working his 24 hour shifts, hehe). FF just happened to come into my life when I least expected it.

[formerlyak]

I had huge walls up at first. So did fi -- not for reasons of divorce, but so many failed attempts at relationships he wanted to take things very slow. About two months in I could tell something was wrong and asked him. He didn't want to talk about it (it was something stupid). I said to him that I was in a marriage where there wasn't good communication, and look where that ended. I said that if he couldn't talk to me about things that I did that upset him, I was out. Ever since that conversation we have been very open about everything and I think that is what helped bring our walls down.

We started talking with each other about living together and marriage about 9-10 months in, but have both since admitted that we felt our relationship was going there at about the 6 month mark (we just felt it was too early to openly discuss it).

I will say that there were lots of times that being in a relationship again freaked me out because of what happened with my ex. It was really hard to trust. I eventually started talking with fi about this (per my therapist's suggestion) and it really helped. He is very logical and was able to use logic to show me why this was so different than last time with ex. That helped me get through a lot of my nervous nellie moments.

[margaritagirl]

Thanks, ladies. I think I just can't believe that a relationship could feel so mutual - so open - so totally committed. I think I might just be cautious b/c I had to dig myself out of a dark place and have created an amazing life for myself and my DD. My BF is an amazing addition to it. I try to not pinch myself every night

[aliciar6]

I actually knew right away. we had worked together and knew each other in passing and hardly talked. We were on travel for work at the same time and had to go with each other to visit an off site location (note i was still married at the time but MISERABLE, miserable my whole marriage) and we got to talking and spent the whole week getting to know each other...by Wednesday I knew that we would be together.

Sunday i told my husband i wanted a divorce, went on travel again the next day for a week (FI wasn't on this trip) came home filed papers, 10 days later divorced. I had been emotionally out of my marriage almost from the get go, I only went through with it because of family pressure and too many people had non-refundable trips to the destination site (St Thomas). I did not have an emotional, sad, or hard divorce, i spent it all on cloud 9 knowing i no longer had to have him in my life.

I've been with FI about 14 months, we got engaged after 9, but I've never had a relationship where I knew I could tell him anything and everything, I don't have to hide who I am, everything is just so open and he's the kind of guy I've dreamed of having. He shows every day in everything he does how much he cherishes me and that I am his world.

my experience is pretty atypical. I've spent most of my life being too independant and have learned that it's nice to love having that other person there. I didn't need the time afterwards to figure things out and how I felt and who I was apart from XH, because in our relationship we really were never much of a couple, we were 2 people who just co-existed in the same house for about 1/2 of the almost 4 years we were together.

I never questioned my decisions or my feelings. Had FI not come along, I'd have been divorced, just not as soon. I equally knew that while I knew for me he was the one, there was a chance it wouldn't work out and I knew I'd be ok alone and with my cat.

FI had been divorced about 2 years, he definately still had some walls up because I was married, we work together (actually next door to each other and one of the same programs), but those came down as soon as he saw I was serious about moving forward and not going to lead him on. But he felt the same way towards me that week. I found out a good few months after the fact that he had kept the stuff from the trip and the receipts and tasting menu from the winery we stopped at...guess he knew too that we'd be together.