Announce or wait?

[specialk]

So I know variations of this question have been asked before, but was hoping you could help me out. I have my NT scan next Thursday, the 22nd. I will be attending a large family wedding on the 31st. My mom is pressuring me to announce before that and put it on Facebook (like the day of the scan). 

Her points are that we are a large drinking family, and people will be pressing drinks into my hand all night. There would be no discreet ordering of mocktails at the bar, because they really are the type that will just be coming back with more rounds for the table every few minutes. Normally, I would be enthusiastically taking them up on that. My mom has already told one of my aunts, and everyone knows about my previous losses so have been looking for signs that I'm pregnant again. My mom has also said that she isn't sure she will be able to lie if someone asks her (everyone knows the key to her vault is 1.5 martinis). I think aunt might spill once she has a few drinks in her, too. This really irritates me because my mom has no business telling anyone, but it's the reality of the situation and I don't think any threats will affect that.

I really don't want to steal the bride's (my cousin's) thunder. Do you think it's better to 

A) Announce  on the 22nd and hope that takes some of the focus off of it by the 31st?

OR

B) That is too close to her wedding date and I should just take my chances at the wedding and deny, deny, deny.

[kaybee85]

I don't think the 22nd is too close to the wedding day.

I'm sorry, though, that you feel pressured to tell on someone else's terms.

[specialk]

Thanks. Yeah, it's frustrating. I would be ready to tell by then I think, anyway, but I am not happy about my mom telling my aunt after promising not to and I am irritated that I feel like she is not leaving me with a lot of options. I know she's excited, but still.

[pennylane]

In your shoes, I'd be irritated by my mom but would go ahead and announce pre-wedding. Just because you know your family, and wouldn't want the wedding reception to turn into a bunch of "Congratulations!" and pregnancy questions. Hopefully announcing before then will get all of that out of the way.

[robinsbff]

your message is full of what your mom wants and nothing about you. what do YOU want to do?

[linz]

This isnt about your mom. Its your baby and your choice. You could announce on the 30th and still be fine. Why do it the day before nt scan? If you'd feel better waiting till after then do that.

[MrsDarcy]

Yeah, with all that I think I'd announce the day of the NT scan.

[SJ]

If it wasn't for the wedding, when would you want to announce?

If you would normally be ok announcing after NT scan, I would do that.

[mrssandro]

I announced right after I got my NT scan results. I was 14 week. I would hate to feel pressure from family on this topic.

[specialk]

I will be getting the results of the NT scan that day, so would feel comfortable announcing then if everything looked good, wedding aside. I just didn't want to offend the bride.

[gerberdaisy]

I would announce after the NT scan if that was what you would feel comfortable doing anyways. Assuming you are close with the bride and shes a reasonable person they will be happy for you and will not feel like you are taking away from their moment. It isn't like you are announcing your engagement at their wedding, you're pregnant, and honestly trying to hide it is hard I found.

[bowies]

I'm sorry you're being pressured into a decision earlier than you want. You might have the full results of your NT scan back before the 30th and you might not (depending on your doctor), so if that's a large influence on your decision then I would wait. If you want to announce on the 22nd (or a couple of days afterwards), then let it fly.

If you decide to keep mum and people are bringing you drinks at the wedding, accept them and walk around with them, but don't drink them...pass them off on either your H or another unsuspecting guest. By the middle of the reception, Uncle Harry will be thrilled his favorite niece grabbed an "extra" drink from the bar and gave it to him. And if you have the opportunity, slip a tip to the bartender and ask him/her to keep your glass filled with sparkling water during the night on the DL. (S)he should then just ask if you want a refill of the same when you queue up in line during the night.

[FastHands]

May 14, 2014 7:18:54 GMT -5 specialk said:

I will be getting the results of the NT scan that day, so would feel comfortable announcing then if everything looked good, wedding aside. I just didn't want to offend the bride.

If that is your only concern, go ahead and spill. She gets a day, not a week or month. Plus as you mentioned, the alternative is ppl figuring it out AT the wedding.

[ngdgtco]

I think unless you are making a public announcement at the wedding, I can't imagine how you would be stealing the bride's thunder (or, at least I would really question someone who felt that way). I don't see a reason to deny it if it comes up if you would be comfortable telling people except for the wedding circumstances. If you're not comfortable announcing on FB (I know we waited till after 20 weeks, but plenty of people announce earlier), what about just sending your family an email once you have the results? I planned to do that with extended family but then my mom basically told everyone herself so I figured there was no point.

[scribellesam]

I'd announce before the wedding as opposed to risk everyone finding out at the wedding, which would definitely steal some focus from the bride and groom. People knowing already and congratulating you is completely different IMO; only a bridezilla would be angry that you dared to be pregnant and attend her wedding.

[specialk]

May 14, 2014 9:05:45 GMT -5 @astrid said:

Can you just...butterfly? Not hang out at a table so you can avoid all the booze? Be the dd?

That won't really help me escape the booze, and there is a shuttle to the hotel we are all staying at so no need for a DD. My best hope if it was not cool to announce before would be to just try to ditch drinks passed to me and try to secretly order mocktails, I guess.

[specialk]

I think that this post is reaffirming my inclination to announce after the NT scan, pending good results.

[pinotgrig]

May 14, 2014 9:12:38 GMT -5 specialk said:

I think that this post is reaffirming my inclination to announce after the NT scan, pending good results.

I think is where I would have landed, too. Timing the general public announcement is so hard (but fun) and one thing I was glad to get behind me for sure.