Sometimes people need S/O advice badly

[achase123]

I have a friend who I knew in high school and we've recently reconnected. I've taken her under my wing so to speak and been giving her relationship advice. She went through a rough divorce and was married to a manipulative, verbally abusive man.

She's really hell bent on finding someone and super desperate and co-dependent. Every relationship she's "head over heels" within 2.5 seconds. I keep trying to caution her to slow down, take a dating break and find herself because otherwise the pattern will keep repeating itself. Of course she never listens and then calls upset. Fortunately she lives in Missouri (I'm in Cali) so it's not that big of an intrusion on my life.

She just text me yesterday and said "guess what???" She has been dating someone a little over a month so I figured it had something to do with him. I said "what?" And she replied back "I'm engaged!!!!" I was like oh my effing God. And the wedding is in September. I didn't even know what to say. ::head meet desk::

[formerlyak]

A MONTH!?!?! That's just nutty.

[doriswe]

What??? They're not going to last forever?? I'm shocked!

[turtle1120]

So were you honest with her about your concerns, or did you say congrats and act like you were happy for her?

[riverpestie]

SHe sounds as though she is going to be a serial wedding planner for herself.

[achase123]

Jul 16, 2012 16:23:27 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

So were you honest with her about your concerns, or did you say congrats and act like you were happy for her?

I've already voiced my concerns about the relationship when it started off too quickly. I told her she shouldn't even be dating let alone in a relationship where she was meeting his kids three weeks in. I said "Wow, well, congrats!" She's going to do what she's going to do. We're not SUPER close I'm more of like a mentor she doesn't listen to.

[Deleted]

Because I'm curious, how long since her divorce? This is totes crazy.

[margaritagirl]

Yeah...people need the advice, but until they are ready to hear it, they will just go on making the same bad choices. I hate to say it, but that marriage doesn't stand a chance.

[achase123]

Jul 16, 2012 16:30:03 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Because I'm curious, how long since her divorce? This is totes crazy.

I'm not quite sure. I think less than a year. She's already been "head over heels" at least two other times that I know of. The whole reason we started talking (we were never really friends in HS, more acquaintences) was because she was asking me about one of the guys (he lives here in Cali) and I told her he had a GF. I didn't realize that she was supposedly "dating" him and he was basically leading her on. She was crushed and was leaning on me for support.

[livinitup]

Sounds like she got exactly what she wanted.

[hainesherway]

W.T.F! How can she think this is a good idea? Did you reply to her text?

[jade28]

Okay, I just don't get this. I mean, yes, people make bad dating choices and jump from relationship to relationship and can be a bit crazy or desperate post divorce. I get it can be easy for people to rationalize and justify their behaviors to make bad choices seem okay and legit. I get it is hard to be alone and be independent, which can make people make silly choices.

But how, in anyone's mind, can marrying a guy after a month be a remotely good, healthy idea??? If it is such a great relationship, why can't she wait awhile? At the very least, why add on the stress of a wedding and marriage? How can you feel good about yourself when you are that in a rush to get married? I mean really there is NO WAY to make this seem like a good idea in any way, shape or form.

[bowies]

Ah, Twue Wuv: A Codependent Story.

This reminds me of the episode of Say Yes to the Dress I saw this past weekend. The chick had been divorced a hot minute and was marrying a dude she met in a bar 2 months ago. Oh, and she had a daughter. Lovely. The best part? Her dress budget was$30k and she patted herself on the back for coming in under budget at $23k. She fails at life.

[leahmel]

Holy balls, that's nuts. I have been dating a guy for 2 months and I don't even feel comfortable calling him my boyfriend yet!

[Deleted]

That is completely insane!! Wtf is she thinking?? How old is this girl?

[letyourselfgo]

Sounds like how I was. The girl should be trying to date herself, not rush into a marriage with someone she doesn't really know.