Explain time outs to me (or discipline generally)

[gibbinator]

Ds will be 2 in a couple weeks and he's starting to get more tantrumy and listens less well than he used to. He's had a couple time outs at daycare. We haven't had any real punishment-worthy situations arise at home yet but it's just a matter of time.

I've read here before about teaching a child to "find their patience" or I remember someone explaining how they set up time-outs so that they can be done the same way anywhere (ie grocery store). I probably should have paid more attention to past threads.

How do you do time outs and discipline for your toddler?

[Deleted]

Time out for us is the nearest corner so it works anywhere.
If she's not listening I give a warning that includes the phrase, "Do you need a time out?"
If she doesn't calm down after that, I put her in her spot and say, "You need to do X when you get up. Calm yourself down and let's work on that." Then she gets up we do hug and kiss and move on.

If she still whiny or disobedient I put her back in her spot and say "You can get up when you're all done whining." I then let her take as long as she needs and she's free to get up.

That last part works really well for us. Sometimes she's done in 15 seconds, sometimes it's 5 minutes. I think she needs to feel in control of something when she's losing it so it works.

In public I do timeouts (but doesn't happen real often. She's actually really good in public compared to home) anywhere. I usually avoid them though if I give her a clear timeline (We are going to do X. You need to be a good listener, stay by Mommy etc. etc. while there. When we are done, we'll get ice cream, play outside at home, see daddy, whatever).

[dulcemariamar]

LO is only 16 months so I am not planning on doing a traditional TO until she is older but for now for really bad behaviors ( hitting, throwing things at me, etc), I have her sit on my lap facing away from me. She squirms so I dont hold her down but I dont allow her to face me. if she wants to stand or sit in front of me then that is ok as long as she doesnt faces me. Then after a minute I tell her not to do the behavior and then I walk away for a little bit but telling her before that mommy doesnt play with little girls who hit. So I go off and read a book or so for a few minutes. Some times she comes after me and cries, some times she doesnt care but if I see her playing well alone then I go over and praise her.

I dont do TO for tantrums. Right now I am reading magic 1,2,3 and it is pretty good.

[loskadoodle]

following

[arch01]

We do TOs for behavior issues-hitting, blatant refusal to follow directions, etc. We started when he was 18ish months old I think. He didn't really get it then, but we have always stopped wherever we are (even in the grocery store, Target, wherever) and sat down. He sits in our laps since he doesn't stay put in one spot. He can get up when he stops throwing a tantrum because he landed it TO or time is up (1 min for every year). We review what happened/why he went to TO and he gives me a hug and says he's sorry for ______. I posted on here awhile back about the apologizing part and not everyone agreed with me on doing that, but as he's gotten a little older he's starting to catch himself doing something he shouldn't be and apologizing.

If he's throwing a tantrum, we do our best to walk away and just tell him he can come see us in X room when he's done. We refuse to give him attention when he's throwing a tantrum. It works reasonably well.

ETA: We typically do a 3 strikes policy but hitting will automatically land his butt in TO. I have NO tolerance for that. He has been hitting again out of frustration because I'm telling him he can't do X or he is being stubborn and not doing something I ask him to do (the other day was lay down and let me get a diaper/PJs on him-he smacked the crap out of my arm).

[Deleted]

We don't to formal time outs, nor do we time them, but we will tell him if he wants to yell/cry (over something stupid, not if he's actually hurt and in pain), he needs to go to his room and he can come out when he's finished. He can also ask for a hug, and we'll go in and give him one. Actually, I'd say I use "do you need a hug?" far more often than time out/in. And often the answer is "yes", and I give him a hug until he's calm enough to talk about what needs to happen next. I don't demand apologies, and DS still says "Sorry, Mom" quite often. I definitely don't tolerate hitting. He is a very sensitive soul, though, and typically how things go lately is that we say "You can't sit on your sister", he breaks down into howling tears and runs to his room, and then after a minute says "I need a hug!". Then one of us goes and hugs him and talks about how you really can't sit on your sister.

Broken record here, but I really like the "Positive Discipline" books. The 0-3 is good and the Preschooler one is better (because by 3-ish they're starting to have more ability to reason).

[gibbinator]

dulcemariamar, so this is a "time in" right?

@tokenhoser, I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing at having to explain not sitting on the baby. I'm sure that's in our future.

[dulcemariamar]

Yup

[wonderfezz]

He usually gets a warning or two before I move to the time out. It's usually when I'm desperate and nothing else is working. Lately he's been there a lot. I don't time them, I usually wait until he's done screaming about it and then tell him why he's there/tell him we don't do X and ask him if he understands. (He's just yessing me.) But I usually get a "yesh, mommy." Usually it works. Our time out spot is the first step on the stairs.

Before the time out I usually try to redirect still, which doesn't work as well these days. I try to stay calm when he gets crazy because me raising my voice usually makes him worse. K is a hitter and as soon as I try to discipline he swats. So I end up grabbing both arms and telling him to look at me and telling him nicely that we don't hit plus whatever he was doing in the first place.

I try to give a lot of choices "do you want this or that," I try to include him in what I'm doing, and pretty much avoid meltdowns at all costs. But it happens and I know he just doesn't know how to react, so I try to have patience.