Is my annoyance justified or am I just ragey?

[Odonata]

I consider my ILs to be rather obnoxious people anyway, so maybe I have a short fuse for this shit - and I've found myself also sensitive this past week so there is that

But today was H's cousin's graduation and we all went to the school for it.  It was packed and seating was first come-first served in the stands, which had filled up.  There were 10 of us so we could not all sit together.  There were these seats on the field behind the fence where the graduates were sitting that were not taken and MIL and FIL were wondering what they were for and were hoping they were overflow from the stands.  They asked and were told that was handicapped seating.  Then, all of a sudden, we were being called over by IL's to follow them onto the field to these seats.  

I was shocked FIL had been able to talk our way into these seats and when I asked he said "well I told them we were with someone who was handicapped, that you were pregnant and could not climb the stairs into the stands.  

I was livid.  I am MORE than capable to climb stairs and I'm not that pregnant.  I could see maybe if I was well into my 3rd trimester and HUGE and having trouble with my balance, but that is not the case.  

I'm still burning up about it - among all the other assholish shit I had to deal with from them today (crappy comments about anything between my last name to everyone being SO disappointed if it's a girl b/c then the last name won't "carry on").  

Do you ever use your pregnancy as a way to get things, even if it's not an issue?  Should I be WTF about it (and I told them that I was not pleased at all that they used me to get these seats)?  Or do I just need to drink some water and lie down and pray my hormonal rage simmers down soon?

[mandymay]

It's definitely annoying that they used you to get handicapped seating. I don't know if I would be raged about it, but I'd definitely be annoyed. Was there plenty of seating for the handicapped? I think if the seats were scarce/filled up I might have found a place to stand in the back instead of sitting and taking up a spot for someone who really needed it.

[bowies]

I'd be WTF about it, but I'm very much a "I don't want special treatment" type of person. I don't like people treating me like I'm made of glass. I guess this works for me since my workplace has made it perfectly clear that I won't have any special treatment even if I wanted it.

I just have serious problems with "taking" from the truly handicapped and yeah, I'm judging your ILs heavily. I wouldn't have pulled the pregnancy card and I'm 8 months pregnant!

[thatgirl2478]

I would be annoyed.

I would be more annoyed by the asinine comment about having a girl being a disappointment because the family name wouldn't pass on - that's bull shit.

[MrsDarcy]

I SO get IL rage. I have been less than patient this pregnancy with mine. I don't think this would have bothered me so much , I think I would have been glad to get to sit down! I get being annoyed, but I would think it wouldn't have gotten past that for me. But, like I said, I can understand irrational IL rage.

[Odonata]

I am a bit irrationally rage-y. But I can't stand my ILs so it's worse. Is that the "bitch eating crackers" comment I keep reading? Or am I using it wrong? lol.

And to clarify - there was plenty of seating for us in the stands, just not enough to have all 10 of us on the same bench. Like 5 of us would have to sit on one bench, and then another 5 two benches below or up top.

[MrsAggie]

Dude. He called you handicapped because you're pregnant. Yes, I would be pissed. I'm always embarrassed as hell when MIL takes FILs truck to go shopping and parks in the handicap spot, even when the parking lot is empty!

[Odonata]

May 18, 2014 19:20:24 GMT -5 thatgirl2478 said:

I would be annoyed.

I would be more annoyed by the asinine comment about having a girl being a disappointment because the family name wouldn't pass on - that's bull shit.

They are asses.  I can't stand it.  They are the type of people that just talk and don't give a shit about not having a filter.  

MIL is also very very very intrusive and possessive.  She has to, like H A S  TO be involved with everything everyone is doing but then stresses about it and then acts the martyr.  It drives her up the walls because H and I don't share much personal info with her.  At any rate, she's always making comments about HER grandchild to me like she has any ownership at all.  I don't like the woman and I've taken on this huge mamma bear defensive attitude. 

I dislike them so much I don't even want my kid around them.  I'm stressing myself all over again right now.  

[Odonata]

May 18, 2014 19:31:52 GMT -5 MrsAggie said:

Dude. He called you handicapped because you're pregnant. Yes, I would be pissed. I'm always embarrassed as hell when MIL takes FILs truck to go shopping and parks in the handicap spot, even when the parking lot is empty!

I KNOW! RIGHT?  WTflyingF?  So I said "I'm not handicapped and I don't appreciate you using me that way." and he said "well, you are otherwise impaired" and I went off saying I"m not impaired in any way and if I was I would let them know.  I was so pissed I thought about storming off the field past the security guards, climbing to the very top of the bleachers and sitting my ass there.  But I didn't want to make a scene in front of the rest of the family and we were just introduced to cousin's GF and all so I kept my mouth shut after that.

[hokiegirl82]

I might have been so annoyed that I would have declined to sit in the handicapped section and gone to sit in the regular section. I have been very adamant about not getting special treatment from anyone while pregnant even now at 36+ weeks although some coworkers go out of their way to not allow me to do certain things that I'm still very capable of.

[jewel]

I find it incredibly offensive to feign a disability (ETA - I don't mean you, but your ILs) to get some sort of special benefit. Most people with a true disability would give up all "special treatment" in a second, to be in a position not to need accommodations. It's not a luxury.

This is totally something my inlaws would do though. We once went to a fundraising event for kids with disabilities. My FIL wanted to use his disabled pass (which he had for a sprained toe...don't even get me started on that) to park up front. I was like - NO, this event is FOR kids with disabilities. Kids in wheelchairs need these spots. I offered to drop him off and I'd drive the car in, and he was sufficiently embarrassed enough to scrap his plan. Or he thought I was a bitch. Either way, there's no way I'm taking a spot from someone who has a true need for it.

Being pregnant and hormonal, I probably would have very politely, but adamantly, declined the seats.

[thatgirl2478]

May 18, 2014 19:34:33 GMT -5 Odonata said:

May 18, 2014 19:20:24 GMT -5 thatgirl2478 said:

I would be annoyed.

I would be more annoyed by the asinine comment about having a girl being a disappointment because the family name wouldn't pass on - that's bull shit.

They are asses.  I can't stand it.  They are the type of people that just talk and don't give a shit about not having a filter.  

MIL is also very very very intrusive and possessive.  She has to, like H A S  TO be involved with everything everyone is doing but then stresses about it and then acts the martyr.  It drives her up the walls because H and I don't share much personal info with her.  At any rate, she's always making comments about HER grandchild to me like she has any ownership at all.  I don't like the woman and I've taken on this huge mamma bear defensive attitude. 

I dislike them so much I don't even want my kid around them.  I'm stressing myself all over again right now.  

This is pretty much how I feel about my FIL.  He can me a major ass and not even realize it.  My MIL was much better, but she's been gone about 7 years now .  FIL says ridiculous crap and doesn't get why it might piss someone off - like seriously racist crap & then say it's OK that he says it because a guy at work who's that race said it... WTF??  Plus he tells the same nasty stories over and over (like the time DH peed on him over the car...). And to add too this, my DH is only now reading/hearing the classic nursery rhymes because his Dad would only recite the dirty versions so my MIL forbid him to say them at all. 

I am just lucky that I only have to see them 1 - 2 times a year - Christmas & DD's birthday.  Unfortunately I'll have to see them in Oct once the new baby arrives.  I'm less than thrilled about it.

ETA - and my FIL would totally pull the 'she's pregnant card' to get special treatment for everyone... hell they did it when they took DH's uncle to SeaWorld (or another theme park with rides) with them - he has Cerebral Palsy and at that time was in a wheel chair just for the visit - any other time he would be walking - just so they could get to the front of the lines... this was YEARS ago (I think 30+).  Yes they would have taken him along anyway since he was family, but they pushed him in the wheel chair partly because they could go to the front of the lines...

[zarapipe]

Ditto first paragraph of jewel

I would be embarrassed that my fil thought it was OK to take those seats from the truly handicap. It's just like parking in handicap parking. Thus topic makes me boil. And it sounds like to me he used your pregnancy to make something he knows is wrong be more alright in his mind.

What did your dh say?

[Odonata]

He said it wasn't right but kinda kept quiet after that. We didn't find out why we got the seats until we were already out there. By that point so many others were around and we were being introduced to cousin's GF that it was best to just drop it. This is so common for them that it's just not worth making a big deal about with them. I told him that was the last time he gets to use me for personal gain so I hope he enjoys the seats.

[VillainV]

How would he feel if you referred to him as "handicapped" because he's old? "Oh, you're not that old? Just be quiet and sit in this nice seat I got you." Not cool.

I think you handled it right given the situation.

[aqualuv]

I don't ever use my pregnancy as a excuse to get me out of anything. I won't even park in the expectant mother parking spot. I feel great and I can still do everything with ease.

I would've been annoyed that they used your pregnancy to sit there. I also really hate people parking in handicap spaces that aren't handicap. It annoys me to no end.

I feel like you were justified but I wouldn't be that upset about it. But it may be that you were just already annoyed with your inlaws in general and your dislike for them as well.

[obladi]

I would not have argued with him, I just would have refused to sit there.

[bowies]

I feel like we could all benefit from an IL vent thread.

[ringstrue]

If it happened earlier on I guess I get being annoyed.

I pretty much can't stand to stand for more than 3 minutes now. Going to a graduation with stadium seats sounds like murder. So if it happened to me today I'd be like "cool!!" but I'm anticipating asking for a temp handicap sticker for my car in the next month if this keeps up for me. So I guess it just depends.

[Odonata]

May 19, 2014 12:17:57 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

If it happened earlier on I guess I get being annoyed.

I pretty much can't stand to stand for more than 3 minutes now. Going to a graduation with stadium seats sounds like murder. So if it happened to me today I'd be like "cool!!" but I'm anticipating asking for a temp handicap sticker for my car in the next month if this keeps up for me. So I guess it just depends.

For me, I'm not that pregnant and can stand for long periods of time.   Also, there were seats, just not enough for 10 of us to sit together.  But we would be sitting.  

If I was very pregnant and couldn't stand, and there were no seats at all left, I would have talked to the security guards myself to request a chair if there were any extra.