divorce question

[DirtyMartini]

DH and i have been married three years. Within the last year we have been under a lot if stress, him with work and me dealing with his stess. Recently he said he wants to separate, but he doesn't live anywhere else, so there is this awkward tension at home. When he does try to stay at his parents our two year old daughter freaks out.

We have talked divorce because i am beginning to think he just has no feelings left for me anymore. We rent a house until next June that neither of us can afford on our own. I think he feels stuck, which now makes me feel stuck....and sad....and helpless. What do I do?

Thx

[Bernadine]

Counseling, STAT. By yourself if he won't go with you. Good luck, hon.

[bullygirl979]

Are you guys in counseling? If not, it would be a great place to start!

And hugs! I know it is hard!

[Deleted]

Coun seling is great for many things, but when it is over and you know it...it wont make a difference.

As far as your 2 year old please explain a little more..

[DirtyMartini]

We tried counseling through EAP and it helped for awhile. He felt ut was a bandaid to the problem. I have done some individual counseling and will continue to do so. It has been helpful to me.

My DD is very much a daddy's girl. And she also knows something is wrong. Between the tension, the time apart, and the occasional arguing, she screams when she cannot be by his side. Plus he is the "nice guy" and i am the disciplinarian so that's nice....

He just seems checked out. I have tried everything, but now I just don't know what to do....about our marriage, our kids, the house. I just want to throw up or feel numb or have lots of wine. I have a great support system, but it can only do so much.

[Bernadine]

I'm sorry, it doesn't sound like he's willing to put the effort you deserve into the relationship. It might be worth it to break the lease on the house, if you can, and try living separately. Do you have anywhere you could go?

[bullygirl979]

Jul 17, 2012 9:42:20 GMT -5 DirtyMartini said:

We tried counseling through EAP and it helped for awhile. He felt ut was a bandaid to the problem. I have done some individual counseling and will continue to do so. It has been helpful to me.

He just seems checked out. I have tried everything, but now I just don't know what to do....about our marriage, our kids, the house. I just want to throw up or feel numb or have lots of wine. I have a great support system, but it can only do so much.

So what is he identifying the problem as?

And as tempting as it is to drink....don't do it. It isn't good for you, your daughter or the issues right now.

[Deleted]

Well, your bigger problem is your daughter at the moment...she is only 2.
So, when your H isnt in the house she just freaks out?

[usedtobebear]

I am sorry, that is a terrible situation to be in. It sounds like he has checked out of the marriage and you deserve better than that. Do you have any family nearby? I'm not in a possition to be giving divorce advice since I suck at it so far, but good luck in whatever you decide, I think you and your daughter might be better off in a happier envirnonment!

[DirtyMartini]

Jul 17, 2012 10:15:54 GMT -5 mags said:

Well, your bigger problem is your daughter at the moment...she is only 2.
So, when your H isnt in the house she just freaks out?

She really only gets upset when he is leaving to go somewhere w/o her, even if it is just work, like she thinks he isn't coming back. I am trying to act like everything is normal but it's hard and she is smart

[Deleted]

You do realize that a lot of kids act like that at 2 when a parent leaves. Do not read more into than there is.

[doriswe]

Jul 17, 2012 13:18:16 GMT -5 mags said:

You do realize that a lot of kids act like that at 2 when a parent leaves. Do not read more into than there is.

Yup this....and if you're feeding into her anxiety, she'll up the anti. Be calm, reassure her and redirect her.

[turtle1120]

Jul 17, 2012 13:37:15 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Jul 17, 2012 13:18:16 GMT -5 mags said:

You do realize that a lot of kids act like that at 2 when a parent leaves. Do not read more into than there is.

Yup this....and if you're feeding into her anxiety, she'll up the anti. Be calm, reassure her and redirect her.

This is true. My daughter is almost two. Sometimes she cries when I go to work and doesn't want me to leave. Sometimes she's fine with it. It just depends on her mood any given day. But if she's crying when I leave (which really does suck) I still smile, give her a kiss and tell her to have a good day and that I'll see her after work.

[BlueBayou]

I have to agree with the rest. If he has checked out, counseling will only help you. And getting out of a joint living situation will be the best way to start dealing with all the things ahead. It will be torture for all of you to be under the same roof while going thru that. She is small enough that there can be healing for her too and adjustment if its handled right. Im sorry you have to go through this I hope it can be amicable for everyone. Good luck and big hugs